["You can't keep living like you're all alone in the world and that you have to shoulder everything by yourself. Because you aren't, and you don't have to. Not anymore."
That's just it, isn't it. She's spent so much time alone. She's spent so much time keeping herself isolated from others that now that she has this very precious gift in her trembling hands, she doesn't know what to do with it. She is only afraid of dropping it. Of breaking it into a thousand pieces because of how brutal she is. Because beautiful things in her midst only perish.
But when she sees the shift in Oriphi's expression, she knows that it's because of her. She looks that way because Beatrix has worried her. Pushed her to such a point that she has to live in fear that there may be a repeat of Noctaere Eustace. For not the first time, she wonders what a Noctaere version of herself would be like.
What follows is the shift of her frame as she reaches over to guide Oriphi against her that she might hold her. Maybe she should be the one weeping, but... Beatrix can't remember the last time she did such a thing. When she was a child, perhaps? Although memories of her childhood are fuzzy at best. As if she doesn't know who she was back then, perhaps as much as she doesn't know who she is in these moments.
"The General of Alexandria isn't here anymore."
The General of Alexandria. A woman with no purpose in this world, as Dohalim once reminded her. A woman with no place in this world. A woman who has no choice but to adapt in some way.
As Beatrix buries her face into Oriphi's hair, mindful of the tiefling's horns, she simply settles on the words.
If I should ever turn Noctaere, I can only pray that the rest of you will simply put me down.]
I do not think I have ever been okay. [She admits quietly, opting to simply rest her head against Oriphi's.] But things are as they are, it seems. I would not like to cause you such pain. I will do all that I can to avoid that. For you and for the others.
[It would be easier, however, to accomplish that by minimising that time they share with one another. Fewer opportunities for Beatrix to disappoint.]
no subject
That's just it, isn't it. She's spent so much time alone. She's spent so much time keeping herself isolated from others that now that she has this very precious gift in her trembling hands, she doesn't know what to do with it. She is only afraid of dropping it. Of breaking it into a thousand pieces because of how brutal she is. Because beautiful things in her midst only perish.
But when she sees the shift in Oriphi's expression, she knows that it's because of her. She looks that way because Beatrix has worried her. Pushed her to such a point that she has to live in fear that there may be a repeat of Noctaere Eustace. For not the first time, she wonders what a Noctaere version of herself would be like.
What follows is the shift of her frame as she reaches over to guide Oriphi against her that she might hold her. Maybe she should be the one weeping, but... Beatrix can't remember the last time she did such a thing. When she was a child, perhaps? Although memories of her childhood are fuzzy at best. As if she doesn't know who she was back then, perhaps as much as she doesn't know who she is in these moments.
"The General of Alexandria isn't here anymore."
The General of Alexandria. A woman with no purpose in this world, as Dohalim once reminded her. A woman with no place in this world. A woman who has no choice but to adapt in some way.
As Beatrix buries her face into Oriphi's hair, mindful of the tiefling's horns, she simply settles on the words.
If I should ever turn Noctaere, I can only pray that the rest of you will simply put me down.]
I do not think I have ever been okay. [She admits quietly, opting to simply rest her head against Oriphi's.] But things are as they are, it seems. I would not like to cause you such pain. I will do all that I can to avoid that. For you and for the others.
[It would be easier, however, to accomplish that by minimising that time they share with one another. Fewer opportunities for Beatrix to disappoint.]