Journal 📚 Granting Requests 🐈

[angelbirth]

Sender: Satan
To: Everyone
Subject: Attn: Granting Requests

All,

As most of you are probably not aware, today is the birthday of Mammon, the Great and Amazing Avatar of Greed. He's feeling particularly shy today, and so he's asked me to make an announcement on his behalf.

If you need a favor done for you, let me know and I'll document it and send it to the Birthday Boy. He's willing to complete any task for you, no matter how great or small. Manual, back-breaking labor is perfectly okay for him, so please don't hold back. He'll pull the weeds in your garden; test dangerous, harmful substances for you; and will even commit to telling a joke that makes you laugh.

Truly, we should all be grateful to the Avatar of Greed who has chosen to be so delightfully generous on this day which marks the day of his creation.

I'm serious. Don't hold back. There's no job too demanding, too difficult, or too disgusting for him. He'll be sure to give it his all.

Comments

sender : mei

[itsgunnabe_mei]

[ somehow, just somehow, this rings false. ]

how old are you guys again

[angelbirth]

[ how could you DOUBT HIM??? Look at the kitty cat. It's sealed with Satan's stamp of approval. that's all that matters ]

What, you don't believe that it's his birthday today? It is. You should tell him Happy Birthday, along with telling me your request for him.

[itsgunnabe_mei]

a-huh.

And if I said my request was for him to have lots of fun, eat a big birthday cake, and do whatever he wants?

Sender: Angel Dust

[itsytitsyspider]

Oh? Its his birthday today? Maybe I should pay him a visit. I know of a job I'd like for him to do~

[angelbirth]

[ He did this for fun and here is Angel, just sucking out all the fun out of it for him!! And he'd tell Angel just as much if Angel wouldn't turn that into a sex joke, too. But it's okay. He can work with this. ]

Excellent. Tell him how you feel about him. What better way to celebrate his creation than for you to tell him all the things you'd like to do to him. Or maybe what you'd like him to do to you.

You may as well be honest with him. I'm sure he'd be overjoyed to hear it.

[itsytitsyspider]

Tell him how I feel? The fuck you implying?

Sending: Sumire Yoshizawa

[feale]

Um...

Excuse me, but as it is Mammon's birthday, should we not be the ones offering him gifts?

[angelbirth]

[ Wow. How could she doubt the validity of this?! ]

He's over 5,000 years old. At that point, even the Avatar of Greed has limits on how greedy he can be.

[ No there he doesn't. ]

That's why he wants to change it up and do something for the community instead. So tell me, is there anything your heart desires? It can be anything, from a small gift, to a freshly cleaned treehouse, to even an adequately made cup of tea.

[feale]

What if my heart's desire is to get something for him?

[ Avatar of Greed, 5,000+ years old or not, it seems truly wrong to not offer someone a gift of some sort for their birthday! ]

sender: Nier

[heseesonlyher]

I feel like he didn't actually volunteer for any of this, but the guy's kind of kooky, so what do I know. This does kind of sound like something he'd get up to.

How old is he?

[angelbirth]

That's a wild accusation.

[ It's spot on. ]

He's well over 5,000 years old, so after a while receiving gifts becomes a little stale, even for the Avatar of Greed.

[ Untrue. ]

So? What would you like him to do for you? You sound like good friends, so I'm sure he'd go to any lengths to help you out.

[heseesonlyher]

[5,000? Seriously…? Maybe Mammon’s not full of it, after all.]

We’re pretty good friends, I guess. I try not to ask too much out of him, though. Usually for birthdays it’s the other way around. I should be the one doing something for him. Unless this is some kind of tradition where you guys come from.

[Still sounds bizarre to him, though. What he’s not saying, however, is that he’s just not used to asking others to help. He’s used to others asking him for it. Or just offering when no one actually wants it.]

sender: zelda

[multidisciplinary]

[ Something about this is incredibly suspicious. Either Satan is playing a very mean prank on Mammon on his birthday or birthday customs in the devildom are very unlike those in Hyrule.

Well, when in Rome... ]

My, that is incredibly generous of him! What an interesting birthday tradition.

Is Mammon a proficient carpenter? I have decided it is time to add a greenhouse to my home.

[angelbirth]

[ T̵̲͗̎ḣ̴̞̬ė̵͇r̶̞̋e̶̡͎̒͠ ̴͓͙͗̃ḭ̸̽͌s̷̖̚ ̷̼͖̀͒ȁ̶̳̞͋b̶̖̱̆s̶͓͠o̵̧͂̄l̸̺̗̃̑ṻ̷̢t̸̩͇͋e̶̩̣̓̌l̸̮̩̃̆y̵̭̌ ̴̧̈́n̸̟͓̔̚o̸̮̅̔t̶͔͔̍͒h̷̼̀̚í̶̡͚n̵͕͐g̵̞̀͝ ̸̢͈̏s̵̥͉̈́u̶̜͒s̷̲͑̋p̶̦͈̿ȋ̴̮̺c̵̣͛̂ị̷̙̌̓o̶͕̎ȕ̵̡̉ṣ̵̆͠ ̸̣́g̷̳͊͝ȯ̴̺̭͂i̵̛͎͌n̸͕͕̎̈g̷̦̋ ̸̯̪͋̋ò̷̥̆n̸̘̂ ̶͖͎͝h̵͉͝ȇ̷̬͋r̴̠͌̏ḛ̷̀̽.̶̹̩͊͊ ]

When you have a title like 'Avatar of Greed,' it really sets a certain impression on others. Sometimes, he likes to remind others he's more than that.

[ This might actually be true, but Satan doesn't actually know if it is. He's just saying it as an excuse. ]

Oh! A Greenhouse? That's lovely.

[ He very nearly writes that he would like to help her with that himself, but he realizes he can't because Zelda would probably call him out for either a: lying; b: pulling a prank on Mammon; or c: all of the above.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. He's locked himself out of this!! so, his next response is written with very bold, thick lines. ]

Back in the Devildom, Mammon performed a variety of part-time jobs in an effort to keep his finances in the green. I don't know if proficient is the word to describe his skill, but I'm sure he could do it if you were to give him a blueprint.

[multidisciplinary]

[ Zelda's brows furrow as she reads. Nope, this is DEFINITELY SUSPICIOUS.

...Although she does remember a time when Mammon told her that he dressed up as a bunny for a job. To this day, she still doesn't understand what was up with that. The Devildom truly is a strange place. ]

Surely he isn't having that issue in a barter-based society. [ No, that's not what this is about. ]

That's wonderful! I have recently purchased a set of basic drawings that should be sufficient for a small, lean-to greenhouse to build onto the south-facing side of my home.

[ Are you really going to keep leading her on like this, Satan? ]

sender: Shigeru

[mysophobic]

Shouldn't we be having a party? Or a cake?! I can definitely bake him one if he wants...does he like sweets?

[ This is very confusing and Shigeru is way too nice to ask someone to do something for him on their birthday, what the heck?! ]

[angelbirth]

He does like sweets, but what he likes even more is being a kind person who helps others out.

Are you concerned that if you ask for something that he won't be able to enjoy his birthday? He's had over 5,000 of them, so he'll be okay.

It really would make him happy to help you out, even if it's just moving boxes around for you. Are you sure there's nothing you need?

sender: link

[skyglider]

How kind. I'll make a list.

the man, the myth, the legend!!

[angelbirth]

[ He--

Satan can't tell if Link is taking his words at face value or if he is equally chaotic. Well. Both are favorable possibilities~ ]

You're not just saying that, are you? You really will make a list of tasks for Mammon to do? He's going to be so overjoyed.

Sender: Brontë Wyvernwind

[makingmyway]

This feels like one of those things that has a catch somewhere.

[angelbirth]

I can see why you might think that. Mammon and I are demons after all.

But Mammon really does have a big heart. I understand if there's nothing you want for yourself, but perhaps you've noticed something in the community that might need addressing? Chipped paint, litter, anything like that?

Sender: Mammon

[stupidmammon]

Oh wow. What a fantastic idea. in fact I've never heard such a great idea before! Satan you're a genius!

IS THAT WHAT YOU THOUGHT I'D SAY??! WHY WOULD I GIVE OUT MY OWN SERVICES FOR MY BIRTHDAY?!

[angelbirth]

Thank you for acknowledging the kindness of my actions, Mammon. It pleases me to know that you're happy with how I've decided to help you celebrate your birthday.

[ THAT'S ALL THERE WAS TO READ, RIGHT? ]

Sender: General Nuadha

[burnttoashes]

Some time ago he asked if it was possible to replicate an alcohol from his world if it were to appear here. If you have a sample of it, I could do that for him.

Assuming you have any desire to give him an actual present, that is.

[Why is he somehow getting the feeling that the answer to that is 'no'...]

[angelbirth]

A sample of Demonus? Sure, I can provide that for you.

[ It's a good thing this is text because Satan is OVER THE MOON at such an offer. Sure, the Demonus is Mammon's, but Mammon would absolutely share some with Satan if he had a surplus of it. He'd share even if he didn't, probably. ]

Are you sure it wouldn't be too much trouble? The duplication spell I know drastically lowers the quality of the object, so there's no point in me doing it -- but if you can replicate the formula yourself, or know if another way to create more of it, I'll definitely get a sample over to you.

[ As much as a bully as Satan has been to Mammon, he actually did get him a gift! He just... set it up in such a way that it frightened Mammon when he woke up in the Mammon. But listening to Mammon scream was his own treat for the day, okay?! ]