It is a survival tactic. If you were to stay they would end up breaking you completely, and so you need to break part of yourself instead to be able to keep some part of yourself intact and hidden. It's just... hard to crawl your way back from that mindset once it is over and done with. You come to expect the return of the pain, for your memories to betray you once again... for your escape from it all to have been yet another cruel trick of your captors.
no subject
[He agrees, almost to himself.]
It is a survival tactic. If you were to stay they would end up breaking you completely, and so you need to break part of yourself instead to be able to keep some part of yourself intact and hidden. It's just... hard to crawl your way back from that mindset once it is over and done with. You come to expect the return of the pain, for your memories to betray you once again... for your escape from it all to have been yet another cruel trick of your captors.