['It was the only way'. He wants to protest - but it's a war. Was there a way for Elfangor to not die? Maybe, but it would have meant leaving Earth defenseless. Was there a way for Rachel to not die? Sure, but it probably would have led to something else horrible happening.]

[War is hell. War will always be hell.]

<Jake would never.>

[Unless he got Yeerk'd again, but... yeah. If he were in human morph he'd be staring blankly at her. As it is he just feels numb and jumbled up. How... how is he supposed to deal with this? How is he supposed to go on, knowing that Rachel's dead?]

[He doesn't care about her any less, but the room feels suddenly cold like a ghost's walked through the space. The silence stretches on and on. He's barely breathing - practically frozen in fear.]

[Finally, finally he speaks up again.]

<I hope ->

[His voice breaks off, shaky even in thought-speech.]

<I hope it was as painless and quick as possible. I'm... I'm so sorry I couldn't be there. ... It should have been me instead of you.>

[Sure, Rachel was their fiercest fighter - but Rachel also had family who cared about her. He didn't have anyone. He was disposable. She wasn't.]