I don't know. It's all I can think about right now. I want to be there for her. I want her to be able to live. I'm not
[He stops writing for a few moments. It's difficult to admit this sort of thing - being anonymous helps, but he still has what little scraps of pride that remain.]
I wish it had been me instead of her.
I want to be around her but I'm afraid that I'm going to
[Another pause. What is he afraid of? A lot of things. ... A whole lot of things. Though there may be some context missing here that's important.]
Not to like... out myself, but we're both on the young side of teenager. Which is a difficult age already, but we've been fighting for years, like I said.
So at a time where you're supposed to figure out who you are and what you want to be we've just been trying to survive day by day, week by week, month by month. Trying to hold out in desperate hope of backup that honestly might never show up. We've had to deal with so much. Death, torture, horrific wounds that we've healed but had to go through anyway... our presents have been constant cycles of pain and paranoia where the enemy is everywhere and all we can rely on is ourselves.
The only present I know how to escape into is instinctive and violent. I've become who I've had to become and what I've had to become... but it doesn't serve me well here.
no subject
[He stops writing for a few moments. It's difficult to admit this sort of thing - being anonymous helps, but he still has what little scraps of pride that remain.]
I wish it had been me instead of her.
I want to be around her but I'm afraid that I'm going to
[Another pause. What is he afraid of? A lot of things. ... A whole lot of things. Though there may be some context missing here that's important.]
Not to like... out myself, but we're both on the young side of teenager. Which is a difficult age already, but we've been fighting for years, like I said.
So at a time where you're supposed to figure out who you are and what you want to be we've just been trying to survive day by day, week by week, month by month. Trying to hold out in desperate hope of backup that honestly might never show up. We've had to deal with so much. Death, torture, horrific wounds that we've healed but had to go through anyway... our presents have been constant cycles of pain and paranoia where the enemy is everywhere and all we can rely on is ourselves.
The only present I know how to escape into is instinctive and violent. I've become who I've had to become and what I've had to become... but it doesn't serve me well here.