the poppies blow;

[notachickenhawk]

Sender: Anonymous
To: Everyone
Subject: War

I know this is a difficult subject for some so please move along if it is for you. But for those of you who have been in wars or battles (formal or not) - how do you deal with it after?

At least from my perspective it's not over yet, but... I don't have to fight here. I don't have to be afraid for the lives of myself or those around me. But the blood is still on my hands. The battles I fought still took their toll. Nothing seems to help. I've heard 'time will help' but that doesn't do anything for me now, when I need help.

I don't normally ask for help, but I'm at a loss here.

Comments

Sender: Link

[timesensitive]

Go find something to do that isn't fighting.

[It works for him. Sometimes.]

[notachickenhawk]

How do I find something like that?

Sender: Zelda

[multidisciplinary]

[ Normally, Zelda would have plenty of advice to share with someone. This is a subject she knows a lot about, having lived through not one, but two wars. But Zelda is tired and heartsick, so she will just share the one thing that drove her forward for the past four years. ]

Rebuild.

[notachickenhawk]

[Honestly he's also tired and heartsick. He's in mourning, even though the person he's mourning is here in Reverein with him. It's an odd feeling, and he's not sure what to do with it.]

How? Where?

[multidisciplinary]

[ Mourning is never easy. Zelda has done it almost as many times as she has fingers and still it never gets easier. ]

If not at home, then here.

War destroys. If we are to embrace the peace so many sacrificed themselves for, then we must move forward. Rebuild. If we remain mired in what we have lost to war, then their deaths were in vain.

[notachickenhawk]

I don't know what I can do here. I can patrol for monsters but that's just more killing. And while I'm built for killing, that's just more destruction.

War's destroyed who I was pretty much entirely on multiple levels. I don't know how to live without fighting anymore.

[multidisciplinary]

[ No, patrolling and killing monsters is not what she has in mind. Protecting people from danger is good, but it is not what Anonymous needs. ]

Did you ever dream of the day the war would end?

[timesensitive]

What do you LIKE to do?

[notachickenhawk]

[Did he? ... He's not sure if he can remember.]

At the beginning, maybe. But as it dragged on, I think I stopped dreaming of it and just started trying to focus on surviving until the next day.

It's only been maybe two and a half years, but it feels like forever.

[notachickenhawk]

I used to like to draw. I don't think I'm very good at it anymore, if I ever was any good at it to begin with.

[timesensitive]

Draw for yourself.

If anyone says it's no good, wait until they're asleep and draw on their face.

sender: ira

[iracorn]

Time does help, for what it is worth. But it is something that can really only be appreciated once it's passed.

But I've found that, finding a task or a longer term project tends to help. And if you need to talk...I am available.

Sender: Kazuma 兆麻

[nailed_navigation]

Do you have ways to divert your attention?


Speaking as someone who works for a God of War and an Ex-God of Calamity, Spiraling into Guilt helps no one.

[Ah.... So Kazuma is a do as I say, not say as I do sort of guy.]

[notachickenhawk]

I mean he's not in this world but I was definitely too afraid of him at the time to do that.

But I always did draw for myself. I was always a shy kid anyway.

[notachickenhawk]

The talking kind of ruins the anonymity though, that's the issue.

But finding a long term project would be helpful... if I could find one that didn't involve hunting or killing.

[notachickenhawk]

If I had ways to divert my attention, I wouldn't be making this post now would I?

I'm aware the guilt spiral doesn't help. Which is why I'm asking for suggestions.

[nailed_navigation]

Very well.

What do you like? I tend to throw myself into work. Would sudoku's and puzzles work for you or are you more of a physical sort?

[notachickenhawk]

I don't know what a suduku is and I don't mind puzzles. I'm not in the best physical shape though.

I'm not like fat or anything just permanently noodle arms and legs.

[nailed_navigation]

Sudoku is basically a number puzzle that requires you to prevent using repeating numbers. I can provide you with a few in various levels if you wish.

[notachickenhawk]

Ah. Math. I would rather not, then. I'm more of an art nerd than a math nerd, thanks.

[nailed_navigation]

That's easy enough to switch to. If you want to do something to keep your mind off things, may I suggest looking into paper crafts? You can get into some rather complicated origami designs or even some art that requires a knife.

[timesensitive]

[Birb-anon doesn't get a written response right away, just a little doodle. The actual response comes a bit after that.]

Ah, I get that.

Me too. People are hard to talk to.

[multidisciplinary]

Each day of war somehow feels like it will never end. And yet, sometimes you don't want that day to end because the next one could be far worse.

[ She has definitely felt that way during the Imprisoning War, both wishing each miserable day would hurry up and end while simultaneously dreading what horrible things could happen the next. Either way-- ]

Do you remember what you used to dream about?

Sender: Yato

[intertwinedfates]

If it's that you're still on alert for danger, for yourself and others, then breathing exercises to aid in relaxation may help. And if you're troubled by the lives you took, try to remind yourself that it was self-preservation and to protect those you care about.

What others have said about distracting yourself is true, but you can't just ignore the cause forever. You need to address it head-on eventually.

[notachickenhawk]

Cute.

They can be, yeah. Especially if they have power over you.

... It's only when you step away from them that you realize how much power you can have on your own.