dreamcrystals | Dream One 🔥 Unhappy Memories

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Dream One 🔥 Unhappy Memories

Sender: Diluc Ragnvindr
To: Everyone
Subject: Passive dream recording
Warnings: spoilers for Genshin Impact character stories and webtoon; cw: blood, violence, and death

[The beginning events of the dream happen quickly. A large purple drake descends on a cart and wagon, leaving naught but carnage in its wake. A man with more than a passing resemblence to Diluc emerges from from the wagon, standing against the drake and attacking it with a great and terrible power. Within moments, the beast is ensnared with dark chains. A few moments later, it breaks free and retreats, and the man collapses.

It's at this point that Diluc himself becomes visible in the dream, huddled over the man's body and covered with blood that's not his own. He's younger, a late adolescent, and calls the man "father" as he cries out in grief. The rain starts pouring down, though it does little to wash the stains of red away.

Nearby, a flamboyantly dressed man regards him cooly.]

"You know, Master Diluc, I can't help but wonder if your anger about all this might be a bit misplaced."

[Slowly, Diluc's gaze rises from his father's corpse to look up at him. His expression almost immediately shifts into a sharp glare. The man continues to speak, totally unfazed.]

"You blame the Fatui and the Knights - and me by association - but have you stopped to consider that perhaps it's our dearest father that betrayed you first? You honestly don't believe he accepted this Delusion at the point of a sword or under the duress of a threat, do you?"

[Diluc is on his feet in an instant, grabbing a sword that by all rights shouldn't be there and charging him.]

Take that back!

[He's stopped after only a handful of steps by the same great and terrible power that stopped the drake's advance, this time piercing him through from behind.

At that point, the dream ends as its dreamer wakes up with a start.]

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[ Thoma lets the silence hang for a moment, offering nothing except for quietly reaching across the table to rest his hand gently, briefly on the back of one of Diluc’s own. If asked, he couldn’t say why he feels like touching Diluc in that moment seems important, but it does. Like he wants to offer some kind of assurance that he’s here, no matter what.

He doesn’t let it linger, but he’s offered it. And that’s enough.

Once Diluc lifts his teacup to his mouth, Thoma takes his hand back for a sip of his own tea. Ah, it is quite strong. ]

That’s a loaded question. I’m sure Lady Ayaka would scold me for sharing this with an outsider but… I trust you.

They were the ones behind the Vision Hunt Decree.

[For a few moments during the prolonged silence, Diluc looks down at the hand Thoma places on his own. His expression doesn't betray anything, but the gesture has more of an effect on him than he'd like to admit. There's that damnable pull again.

He pointedly ignores it. He can't with these kinds of feelings right now.]

... [Siiiiiiigh.] Of course they were.

[His tone is the sort of disgusted resignation that comes with realizing that the the low expectations he had were, in fact, still far too high.]

And what did Snezhnaya hope to gain from the Vision Hunt Decree?

[ Whatever passes between them in that instant doesn’t need to be vocalized. It’s enough that it happened, and Thoma is just fine with moving on as the conversation turns to more political matters.

He shrugs, a slight lifting of his shoulders while his forearms remain mostly on the table to cradle his mug. ]

Profit. They thrived on the conflict, promising the Tenryou Commission glory and status and the eternal favor of the Raiden Shogun, while passing out Delusions to the resistance.

[ That last especially makes him frown, staring hard into his tea. ]

The forces of Watatsumi Island lost a lot of good men and women to them.

[Diluc's hands visibly tighten on the empty tea cup he's still holding. He wants to scream, to throw the cup against the wall, to somehow resume his march northward to wreak havoc on Snezhnaya for the sins they've committed and continue to perpetrate. Given the impossibility of that last task given that he's trapped here in this dream world, he'll even settle for finding Tartaglia and beating him within an inch of his life. Or worse.

He does none of these. Instead, he sits in stony silence and simply fumes. His occasional dreamotion firebird, usually no larger than sparrow, erupts out of him in a spew of fiery rage and flies outside through the nearby window, where it erupts into something large, burning, and terrible in the sky before dissipating.

At that point, the pressure of his hold causes the teacup to shatter and the pain of the broken porcelain against his skin snaps him back to reality. With a grumbled swear, he tosses the remains onto the table in front of them. His hand is bleeding. He doesn't notice.]

Because of the effect that Delusions have on the people wielding them.

[There's a knowing grimness in his tone.]

I left my Vision in Mondstadt when I left and used my father's Delusion for three years. It probably took years off my life.

[That admission, more than anything that Diluc's ever told Thoma, is a sign of trust. It's a secret that no one else knows except for Kaeya, and an action that even now he can't explain or defend.

But telling Thoma, of all people, seems... correct. Somehow.]

Edited (typo) 2022-01-11 05:22 (UTC)

[ The firebird, angry and massive and ready to immolate anything in its path before it dissipates, is a warning. A warning Thoma doesn’t see for what it is until it’s far too late, and when the teacup shatters in Diluc’s hands, he nearly jumps out of his chair. ]

You’re bleeding! Let me help…

[ He’s halfway out of his seat when Diluc keeps going, the gravity of his words stilling Thoma into inaction. He can only stare at the other man, as if he’s seeing him for the first time, the terrible truth of his past laid bare – the things he was driven to do when his entire world fell to pieces. ]

Diluc…

[ It hangs there a moment, Thoma unsure of what to say, but the sight of blood slowly oozing from Diluc’s palm spurs him to move again. He dips into the kitchen and finds a clean rag, returning a moment later with a soft demand for Diluc to give him his hand. He wraps the wound, compressing it with the weight of his own hands curled around Diluc’s. ]

I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up.

[Diluc doesn't protest as Thoma bandages his hand and holds onto it. The feeling is nice. Comforting. Grounding. Selfishly, he decides to accept it rather than push it aside like he knows he should.]

You have nothing to apologize for. I prefer to know.

[As terrible as it was to hear, he believes that it's better to be well-informed than not. If it brings him pain to learn it, then... well, then he needs to get better at suppressing how he feels about such things. He thought he had things under control, but since arriving here that's all been thrown into doubt again and again.

This man sitting across from him is part of the reason why. A certain tiefling is another. His feelings about that--and about the two of them in general--is increasingly complicated and constantly wavering between wanting to shut it all out and 'what if's. Yet here he is, sitting here hand-in-hand with an honesty that he hasn't been able to express in what feels like a lifetime. And he finds himself unable--unwilling--to pull himself away.]

I can't keep doing this.

[He locks gaze with Thoma's, and immediately wishes he hadn't. But he continues all the same.]

You've just seen why. My past, my mission, what I have to do... they aren't your burdens to bear. I need to stop dragging you into it. I...

[Why are his eyes so beautifully green?]

I resolved to face this alone. I have to face this alone. To do otherwise is to bring the world's darkness onto another shoulders, and I can't...

[Why does he feel the same bittersweet pangs in his chest as he did when he and Ori kissed due to the gumdrop fairy?]

I cannot do that to you. I refuse to.

[ Every time Thoma is near Diluc, he can feel his heart reach for him in the same way that it reaches for Ori. He feels guilty about it, sometimes, and others he longs to act on it. In the depths of Ori’s nightmare, he resolved to follow his heart, and he’s glad for it, but what does he do now? Where does he follow when not one, but two people have captured it so thoroughly?

Diluc meets his gaze, tries to push him away with his words, but his hand stays in Thoma’s hands. His eyes betray pain and loneliness and suffering, and Thoma knows he would do anything within his power to ease that hurt, even taking it on as his own.

I have to do this alone, says Diluc’s mouth. But his eyes… his eyes say stay.

Why do they do this to themselves? Whether it’s duty or a mission or a terrible burden, they take it up and convince themselves that no one else can shoulder the weight, no one else can know, and in living in the shadow of the thing they carry, they cannot be happy.

It’s bullshit. ]

Is this also what you told Ori after you kissed her?

[The question hits him like a spash of icy water. Diluc Ragnvindr is not often called on his bullshit.

He has no idea how to respond to it, torn between a variety of emotional responses that hit him all at once. Defensiveness, certainly, and no small amount of indignance. Frustrated anger because Thoma isn't heeding his warnings, isn't turning away from this darkest part of him that's been so clearly displayed for him to see. And, strangely, gratitude for the very same.

Fear, a kind he thought he forgot how to feel, as he realizes what that last feeling means.]

It is.

[He meant it then. He means it now. But his resolve to keep them both at arm's length is crumbling, and Diluc is realizing that it was a house of cards practically from the first. He thinks of the night where both of them came to his aid, filling his small spartan living space to a place of warmth and life. That was the beginning of the end of his resolve to remain alone, in hindsight. He's been reaching out for that feeling ever since they re-introduced him to it, consciously and sub-consciously, and he's tired of finding new and increasingly unconvincing ways of telling himself that he shouldn't.

Screw it. He's only human, and he's exhausted and emotionally raw besides. His future self will have to forgive him for the mistake he's about to make.

Especially when that mistake is something as cathartic as closing the distance between himself and Thoma to kiss him.]

[ It’s clear he’s caught Diluc off his guard, he’s probably unused to having someone call him out. And Thoma is ready to do it again, half a dozen things ready to leave his mouth telling Diluc how wrong he is, how self-destructive and lonely, and how this burden should not be his to bear. He’s ready to lay into him about letting him in, about wanting to be close, and so many other things.

And then Diluc up and kisses him.

The start of whatever he was going to say is muffled against Diluc’s lips, a small yelp startled out of him instead, but he doesn’t stay shocked for long. He leans into it, kissing Diluc back, one of his hands leaving the rag wound around Diluc’s palm to slide into crimson locks.

It's a long, long moment before Thoma pulls away, but even then he doesn’t go far, his breath warm in the small space between them, the soft glow of sunlight radiating from his skin. ]

I don’t give a damn about what you think you can or cannot do. This is what you need.

[ And he angles his head to claim Diluc’s lips again. It doesn’t escape him that he’s putting himself in a potentially complicated situation, between Diluc and Ori, but he’s determined now to find a way to make this work, for all of their sakes. ]

[Thoma kisses him back rather than recoils, and Diluc's mind goes absolutely blank as he focuses in on the sensations of the other man. The warmth of his lips, the steadiness of the hand in his hair, that glow that seems to accompany him when he's happiest and most comfortable. Diluc's own dreamotion energy is all but spent between the nightmare and the firebird's angry explosion, but he swears he can hear a happy chirp from somewhere outside the treehouse.

When their lips part and Thoma more or less puts him into his place again, all Diluc can do is respond with a huff that's equal parts exasperated and fond.]

I should have known better than to assume you'd listen to me.

[Thank you for that, he doesn't say. But their lips meet again and he figures that Thoma understands him well enough to know that it's implied in the way he kisses back.

There are many complicated and awkward conversations to be had about this sudden shift in their relationship, whatever it is or will be. But those are problems to sort through later, when he's of a clearer mind. Right now, he can't muster the energy to do anything but enjoy this.]

[ Thoma’s only response to that remark is a crooked little smirk that says he isn’t about to start listening to Diluc anytime soon. The kiss resumes, soft and questing and never asking anything more from Diluc than what he’s willing to give.

After a few moments, Thoma pulls away in earnest, his expression having shifted into something soft and fond. It feels… oddly freeing to simply allow himself to feel like this, openly affectionate in a way he has never been before. ]

We should take care of your hand.

[The kiss doesn't magically cure everything churning within Diluc. He's still in for a long, sleepless night, and there's still a complicated tangle of feelings about both the memories he relived and the new information he's learned. But it does wonders to take the edge off, and Diluc feels much lighter coming out of the kiss than he did going into it. A ghost of a smile crosses his face in response to the fond look he receives before his eyes dart away.]

We should.

[And then it's back to the much more familiar business of tending to wounds. He pulls his hand away from Thoma's and starts unwrapping it. There's a slice across his palm, deeper than he'd like but not so deep that there's a need to call in Ori's magic.]

[ It's something, at least. There's a warmth that's settled over the uneasy edge of anxiety and rage that once permeated the space, taking the bite out of it. He takes a second to tuck a strand of Diluc's hair behind his ear, a smile in his eyes when he catches that look on the other man's face.

Smiles from Diluc are rare, and especially after what he's just gone through it feels like he's managed to get something special out of him. ]

Do you still have all those bandages around here?

[Thoma's hand in his hair, gentle and comforting and all too brief, causes him to avert his gaze ever so slightly. It's nice in a way he can't quite articulate.]

In the end table next to the bed. There are supplies to stitch the wound in there as well, if you think it's necessary.

[Sewing skin is like fixing a seam, right???]

[ That fond look on his face becomes a bit sterner. A Look, if you will. ]

You don’t need stitches, but why am I not surprised you have the supplies?

[ Because he really is not surprised. There have not been moments quite like the time Diluc ran off to fight a man struggling with dreamotion energy all on his own, but that doesn’t mean Thoma hasn’t been expecting another incident.

In any case, he goes where directed, coming back a moment later with the necessary items. ]

Hand, please.

Edited (noticed a typo, don't look at me) 2022-01-18 22:01 (UTC)

[The look Thoma receives in response the stern expression is earnestly quizzical, as if he honestly believes that having supplies to stitch an open wound is nothing abnormal or concerning.]

It's better to be prepared.

[Obviously.

Diluc holds out his hand as instructed when Thoma sits back down.]

Thank you, by the way.

[ Well, he won’t argue that it’s good to be prepared, but it’s a little concerning that Diluc even thinks he needs to have these kinds of things on-hand. ]

You don’t have to thank me.

[ Said as he sits back down across from Diluc, gingerly taking his injured hand and cleaning the wound with a damp bit of cloth. ]

I’m glad to help, no matter what you need.

You've made that inescapably clear.

[With the call him out and kissing and all.

Per usual, Diluc is a good patient. He winces a bit as Thoma starts cleaning the wound, but at no point does he pull his hand away or express discomfort. For what might be the first time since he's started his crusade against the evils of the world, he wonders vaguely if the fact that he's hardly fazed by the pain he puts himself through should be concerning.

It's probably fine.]

What sort of person would I be if I weren't grateful for it, however?

[What he means to say is that he's grateful for you, Thoma.

[ Patching Diluc up already feels like a familiar song and dance, and it’s one he really hopes that he doesn’t become even more familiar with. He is getting a better idea for the reckless sort of nature that lurks under Diluc’s taciturn personality, and he doesn’t much care for it.

He understands, to a point. Going through what Diluc went through would change anybody, but that doesn’t mean he has to like or even continue to let it happen.

But now is not the time to give voice to such thoughts. Diluc is still raw and weary, and he doubts that, even coming from him, the words would be well-received.

Instead, he hums thoughtfully as he begins to dress the cut with a bit of ointment and some clean bandages. ]

I guess that’s fair.

[ And then a smile, a glint of good humor in his green eyes. ]

But if you just wanted to see me, there are much better ways to go about it.

[Even with the good humor with which it's delivered, Diluc recognizes the admonishment for what it is. Thoma's not the first person to tell him, in so many words, that he should be more careful about how he chooses to carry out this self-imposed mission of his. The difference is that Thoma's not in a position that forces him to leave it at merely words. If Diluc has learned nothing else in this interaction they've had tonight, he now knows that Thoma will absolutely take action as he sees fit.

They'll butt heads on that issue another day. For now, Diluc is much more interested in maintaining the warmth between them. It's been a rough night.]

I'll keep that in mind.

[Thoma finishes bandaging his hand, and he opens and closes it a few times tentatively in response. The movement hurts, but the bandage holds. As he expected it would.]

I'd much prefer the next time we see each other to be... happier.

I would too.

[ Whatever agreements or disagreements they’re bound to have later over Diluc’s lifestyle choices are problems for future versions of themselves. Thoma figures that much like a warm cup of tea after a long night, the new warmth that’s settled over them is something that Diluc needs, and so he endeavors to keep it up.

He reaches over and rests his hand on Diluc’s, sure to be mindful of his injury. ]

I’m happy to stay for as long as you need me.

I know you are.

[Diluc is grateful for it. Thoma's presence is warm and grounding and honest, and he needed that tonight after that nightmare and the revelations that came after it.

But now that he's managed to reach some kind of emotional equilibrium with himself, what he wants more than that is some solitude. He's used to managing nights like this alone, and there's a comfort in the familiarity of that routine that he finds himself craving.]

I'd prefer to be by myself for now. And before you protest: I have no intentions to do anything besides read and make myself more tea.

[Maybe work on plans for the winery, although he leaves that part out. Thoma might have something to say about how he's using work to distract himself, and he is absolutely not up for that discussion.]

As a sign of good faith and to show that this is not me simply pushing you away... I promise to check in with you come daylight. Is that acceptable?

[ Thoma doesn’t doubt that Diluc is used to this sort of thing and knows best how he’d like to handle it. Dreamotion abilities might be some cause for concern, but after the firebird’s fiery explosion and the nightmare itself, he imagines that Diluc is pretty much tapped out for the time being. As long as Diluc is okay, Thoma is happy to do whatever he needs to make getting over this night easier, even if it means leaving. But still… ]

I appreciate the concession, I find it quite agreeable. I just have one request of you, if you’re willing.

[ The look on his face gentles considerably, the corners of his lips twitching upwards slightly. ]

One more kiss before I go?

[And just like that, it goes from 'convincing Thoma that he'll be all right alone' to flirting some more. This really has been a weird night.

The flirting and the affection, at least, have been nice. He's sure he wouldn't be nearly as settled without it, even with all of the very important questions he has about the state of their friendship (relationship?) going forward. That's a task for the future. For now he's just going to continue to go with it, returning Thoma's small smile with a rather fond expression of his own.]

One more kiss before you go.

[He stands and gently pulls Thoma to his own feet before leaning in for that one last kiss. It's much softer and sweeter than the harried way he closed the distance between them earlier, a sign that he isn't lying when he says he'll be all right for the rest of the night.]

[ Perhaps Thoma’s motivation in asking for a kiss was twofold, since the kiss he receives is a very good indicator of Diluc’s current state of mind. It makes him feel much better about leaving, even if he wants nothing more than to stay. In the end, it’s Diluc’s choice and he will respect that.

Still, he leans into that kiss for as long as Diluc will let him, and once they part he smiles fondly at the other man. ]

Okay, I’ll go now, but let me know if you need anything, all right?

[ Thoma being Thoma, he makes sure to take care of his teacup, as well as pick up the broken pieces of Diluc’s, before he goes - but go he does, leaving Diluc alone with his thoughts in the early morning light. ]

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Dream One 🔥 Unhappy Memories

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