journal entry; first day of owlets

[enflame]

⇢ sender: Emil Västerström
⇢ to: Everyone
⇢ subject: Journal text

❰ not one to be on the up and up in a place where he feels that fully integrating is still a form of treason, the whole deal with owls and santa claus has totally gone over emil's head. he stays in his tree house, goes out to enjoy himself from time to time, comes back and that's that.

unluckily enough for him, he's chosen a day of owlet extravaganza to go outside and get fresh air. reclining against the base of a tree not too far from the one he calls home, everything is uneventful. no huge bugs, the weather is mild as far as he's concerned. there's no noise— well, actually, hold that thought. there is a high-pitched sound off in the distance, but no matter. the closer it gets, the more his aggravation shifts from being underlying to obvious, especially if the crease in his brow is any indication. but the time it finally gets close enough to be within sight line, the smell of burnt ground becomes more apparent.

the sight he sees: a small owlet, screeching and running, flapping like mad while every beat of its wings pushes a cloud of fire forward. the bird veers close enough to emil that he has to tuck in his legs to avoid his shoes being burnt.

what...was that? did he miss a memo?? is this just another thing that happens here??? ❱

A bird just tried to set me on fire ?

Comments

[enflame]

Nothing. I didn't do a single thing and it's still freaking out. I'm the innocent bystander, here.

❰ disgruntled vs disgruntled ❱

[legbreakings]

Maybe that's why! It set you on fire because you weren't doing anything useful.

Maybe you were supposed to feed it.

[enflame]

I'm not obligated to do anything useful, last I checked. I'm not here to do a job, even if this is the most aimless world I've ever been to.

Not that I know why what I'm doing is your business in the first place.

(And if it wanted food, it could have been more polite about it.)

[legbreakings]

It's an owl! Are you expecting it to have studied the Rites, or read the great works of Kong Zi?

Apparently, the owl did decide you have a job. And you weren't doing it. Complain to it, not to me!

[enflame]

What on earth are you even talking about? Do you think I think owls are literate? I have no idea where you're getting that from.

I'm pretty sure they don't understand human speech, which you (sort of) seem to. So I'm complaining at you, the person being needlessly aggressive to a hapless victim.

I could have been hurt. Scarred, even!

[legbreakings]

You are the one who started complaining about the owlet's lack of manners!

And HOW are you a hapless victim? You just got a little scorched. I assume. If you were badly burned you wouldn't be able to write, anyway.

And men shouldn't be frightened of scars. We don't have to be pretty.

[enflame]

❰ he didn't even get a little scorched...he's just a drama queen. but he's also well past that now. the owl could be burning the forest down around him, and this is all emil cares about at the moment. ❱

If you admit that I was harmed at all, then you admit that I was a victim. And I did nothing to incite the incident, so I was hapless. I'm glad we at least agree on something.

Also, we don't HAVE to be scarred, either. Some injuries may be unavoidable, but in this case it wasn't as if I threw myself into a fray of some kind.

[legbreakings]

[ Who cares about the point when you could fight out of sheer stubborn pride. A man after Jiang Cheng's heart. ]

I did not agree to anything! When did I ever agree! If anything, you are a malicious victim and that means you are no victim at all!

No, you didn't throw into a fray. You just bullied a baby owl, apparently!

[enflame]

Malicious? What did I do that was malicious? Move out of the way ???

You weren't here, you don't know anything about what I did or didn't do! Which was nothing, by the way! Nothing to deserve almost being burned to death OR slandered by random strangers in some dumb magic book!!

❰ the dumb magic book he's furiously writing in as the world burns around him. ❱

[legbreakings]

I don't know what you did but you must have done SOMETHING for the bird to attack you!

Or maybe it just decided you are annoying. If I could get away with setting annoying people on fire I would do it, too.

[enflame]

Did you just threaten me?

❰ taking a little bit of a leap, here... ❱

[legbreakings]

What! I did not!

[ Wait. He goes back to reread and hmm... ]

So you are admitting to being annoying then!

[enflame]

I'm not admitting to it, but you think I am!

What other conclusion am I supposed to draw from that ??

[legbreakings]

Well why would I be setting you on fire when I only set annoying people on fire! It has to be because you are annoying and you know it!

But I changed my mind, now I would want to set you on fire.

[enflame]

Now you're the person who can't read. If anything, the owl MIGHT be more literate than you are.

You're saying you find me annoying, and that you want to set annoying people on fire. That's not saying I think that I'm personally annoying, it just means I'm aware that you're wrong in thinking I am.

But regardless, if either one of us were going to successfully set the other on fire, I would certainly be better at it than you.

[legbreakings]

[ Oh no.

Oh no.

He did NOT just say that.

It is on. ]

YOU WOULD NOT! You are only better at GETTING set on fire!

I've been a cultivator all my life, you can't beat me at using powers! [ Spoiler: he actually kinda sucks at dreamotion. ]

[enflame]

Powers or not, I'm a highly qualified cleanser which means I'm certified to expertly use flammable substances and ignitors to set fire to things.

AND I'm essentially a master at fireball magic, so there's no way you would be better at setting someone on fire than I would be, powers or not.

❰ not that he knows how to use dreamotion well but that's otherwise true, somehow. ❱

[legbreakings]

[ Okay. That does sound impressive. And like Annoying Owl Man is indeed better at setting people on fire. But no way is he admitting to that now when he has already dug himself such a deep hole. ]

Fireballs! Setting people on fireballs is clumsy and barbaric, and anybody could do it! Do you even know how to use flaming arrows? I bet you don't.

[enflame]

If I tried, I'd be phenomenal at it.

Which I bet you couldn't say if I asked you to use a kerosene-based flammable solvent.

[legbreakings]

[ A what a what?! ]

Are you ASKING me to flambee you with a solvent?!

[enflame]

Not ME, but something.

Either way, I'm saying you couldn't do it.

[legbreakings]

I could! Watch me!

Just point me to which container it is.

[enflame]

If you had my level of expertise, you'd be able to tell.

So you've failed already, not so sorry to say.

[legbreakings]

And you didn't even respond to the flaming arrows question, so you don't know how to use these!

[enflame]

I did! I said if I tried, I'd be great!

Who needs arrows when you have rifles, though? Even on fire, an arrow's no match for a bullet — which I DO have experience with a gun, so I win again.