dreamcrystals | dream recording 🔶 life flashing before your eyes

Entry tags:

dream recording 🔶 life flashing before your eyes

Warnings: blood, death, past suicidal ideation, decapitation

—You have to go, angel, your mother urges you as she holds back tears, your father doing what he can to lift a fallen, crackling beam for you to go past, his glasses askew. The smoke is already horrible, the heat alone suffocating enough. Your right arm stings and throbs, blood dripping from your useless hand, but you can't afford to pay attention to it. Vision blurring—

I love you, you sob.

You barely remember stumbling through the fiery hallways. Something lands on your back at one point. You notice that the knob of the front door has burned your hand before you collapse.

You'd almost thought that was the end. Maybe it would have been easier if it had been. You still aren't sure how long you were unconscious at the hospital.

—The horrific, twisted whale fall pulses, choking you even through the breathing charms with its dark sickness. You're infected, you know, the plague taking advantage of your Fae nature, and you can already feel it crawling through your veins to get to the rest of you. You wait as the magical bomb is activated, even after the dragon calls for all of you to flee. A young woman with white hair takes you by the arm.

Now's not the time to throw your life away, she cries. Your argument doesn't last long, the explosion blinding you with blue light and breaking your fragile wings against your back as you try to protect your friend with your body, at least.

That wasn't it. The dragon caught you as you were all launched out of the ocean, and the medical witches cured you before the infection was irreversible. What would have happened if you died in another world, you wonder?

—Your best friend isn't with them, you notice. Curious, you turn your eyes about to find him, however bad a decision that might normally be when you're fighting the rest of the group—but it's not like they want to attack you, anyway. When you finally spot him, you see he's unnaturally obscured in shadow, aiming at the back of your guardian, the man who took everything from you and then became your family.

You use your new magic to teleport in the way, ignoring the strain of it. Nobody says anything to you before you're struck by the bolt shot by your best friend and your guardian's blade. Your vision goes white with pain and you collapse in the murderer's arms.

You survived then, too. He healed you, for all the good it did.

—I know you wouldn't want to hurt anyone like this.

A redheaded prince in a devilish costume torn by the same kind of gem shards your hands and legs have become stands in front of you, hesitating. You've sunk to your knees, head hung and waiting in your hopelessness, dark pools growing around you and threatening to create more monsters from your nightmares. You don't care. You don't care about anything, knowing there's no point. He will end it, finally.

He lifts his sword and lets it drop fully on the back of your neck, slicing through—cutting off your awareness of the rest of you, but you have just long enough to realize you no longer have a throat to scream—

NO, PLEASE

Ferran wakes in a panic.

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[Ferran has no way of knowing just how much Susato saw, when she could have stopped watching at any point; and even now, the memory of what the dream displayed is beginning to lose its clarity. Probably for the best, but...]

... the second-to-last, just after the explosion... with the cape and black hair.

[He hadn't seen the sword at that moment, but he knows it well; he'd taken that black blade and locked it away for the entirety of his time in Geardagas. The sword Hans wielded in the last memory of the dream shone silver, meanwhile.]

It wasn't even any good, when I had it. The magic was gone. It was just a miserable reminder...

Edited (leftover word from previous sentence draft.......... and a more different thing) 2022-03-29 05:21 (UTC)

O- Oh. [ After the explosion... She thinks backm though it is terribly difficult without playback. After the explosion, she remembers a man in the shadows, though she can't quite remember if that was a cape behind him or maybe something else entirely caught in the ruin. A trick of the light, perhaps? ]

Then, it would probably be cruel of me to ask who he was.

[ You just did, in a way, Susato. ]

If the magic disappeared when the sword was in your care, I would guess it is because it was tied to him. [ That could be why it wouldn't respond? She wonders if Karuma is loyal to Kazuma in the same way. ]

[He answers it, anyway. It's not like he hasn't had time to make "peace" with that part of his situation. He spent a year in Aefenglom dealing with the idea.]

My guardian. [It was a mess of a dream, to be sure; about as scattered as his usual thoughts are. She probably has so many questions he's not capable of answering right now.] If that world hadn't removed my magic, too... I might have thought so.

[He pauses, thoughts nowhere near his usual inclination towards the logic of what happened. But maybe part of the problem is that he so rarely talks about his feelings.]

I guess... better the sword than him. [He only sounds half-convinced.]

[ Guardian is an interesting choice of words. If it is his father, why wouldn't he just say so? Susato can't say she noticed any resemblance based on that brief flash, nor has Ferran ever talked about a father. Only his mother.

. . . Who had also been featured, if she's not mistaken.

He's right. There is plenty more she could press him on, but it's not like she has a case to solve or motivate her. She wants to help him, but she's still trying to figure out what that looks like. She relents to give him a break, rather than pestering him with more questions. ]

So that world removes magic, yet Reverein seems to add it, in the form of dreamotion. I am starting to understand how you might prefer this place. [ Despite the fact that he seems to be lonelier... ]

[While the situation is more complex than that—it had removed his magic and supplanted it with something else, worse—her remark makes him realize something. The preference he'd stated when they first met still remains true, and even with horrible nightmares that force him and his friends to suffer through the experience of death...]

Magic or no magic, here... it's better.

[He looks down, turning his palm up to stare at the dark markings on his wrist. Despite them, he's still in control of himself. In the same way, there are no Fae scales to be seen, and no twin moons to twist his body and mind into something else.]

I'm not a monster, or a maniac... I can just be me.

[ She watches the way he turns over his palm. There's something on his wrist; he's definitely looking at something, but in the poor light of the fake stars, she can't exactly tell what it is.

Something about his expression, the words he chose. "Monster." She's seen it somewhere before. ]

Of course you're not a monster. [ Or a maniac. ] Why... Why would you think that?

[He draws his hand back, pulling the blanket he'd retrieved closer, like a shield to protect himself from the misery of those memories.]

Because... I was one.

[And there was no denying it. As much as people tried not to use the word with any malice, the fact of the matter was that he was classified as a monster. No amount of kind words would change that, nor erase how he felt about it.]

Did I... tell you what happened in Geardagas? [She recalled the name earlier, faintly. He thinks he mentioned monsters briefly at that point, but hadn't gotten into it, with how messy a subject it was for him.] About people transforming. It wasn't... temporary. Or curable.

[Unlike his moment as a noctaere, which ended so violently. Despite the terror of that moment, he still considers his time as a Fae worse.]

[ Susato opens her mouth, but ends up biting the urge to protest. She can feel her heart and stomach sinking in her body; she hopes she's just imagining it. She's shaking her head, because of course he never told her, and she hadn't thought to ask, either. ]

No... No, this is the first I've heard.

[ The only other world she's heard about is the Realm of Stories, where Kazuma took on the role of Dr Jekyll, and at some point, Mr Hyde. What would have happened, if he was stuck as Hyde forever?

What if he became a snake, a naga, and couldn't turn back?

... She has to shake her head a second time. ]

I don't understand. What did you become?

A Fae.

[His grudge against them may have a bit more context now.]

Maybe it doesn't sound bad... and maybe it didn't even look that bad, compared to Werewolves or Harpies or Naga...

[God knows he was tempted sometimes, to tear off his wings and mask the rest of the changes with his illusions, and it would have been easy enough with how minor most of the physical things were. But it would have probably worried his friends too much if he had fallen that far into pretending.]

But it was horrible. There was this itch in the back of my head I couldn't ignore... instincts that weren't mine. [His brow furrows, lips pressing together.] There was a reason Fae weren't trusted there.

[ It's been a long time since December, but she still remembers Ferran's face when he'd jokingly commanded Blossom against the flying slugs. It had been funny and lighthearted, though maybe it didn't feel that way at the time. Definitely not now. ]

. . . Did you lose your sense of self? Like something else was in control of you... Something you can't explain.

[ Something otherworldly? ]

[It's hard to say. As much as Ferran recognized some of those instincts as foreign, he realizes now that some of them he hadn't even noticed. They felt natural, like the transformation had pulled out parts of his personality and cloaked itself in his identity. ... even now, he knows he's changed because of it.]

Something else was in control... but at the same time, it felt like me. Like it made a different version of me. And sometimes... it was the worst possible version.

[He wonders where Susato is drawing her comparisons from. He doesn't want her to experience such a thing.]

[ It's still Hyde. Or, the noctaere... two separate problems, yet both intricately linked to one (1) dumbass. When she told Ryunosuke at one point time that Kazuma was "forever in her thoughts," she hadn't meant to be quite so literal.

She's not going to make this about him, though. Because they're talking about Ferran, and this deserves her attention just as much. ]

So... what did you do? [ It wasn't temporary, or curable. ] Were you cursed to live as a Fae until you were brought here?

[Ferran nods, though with an addendum:] Until I went home.

[Home, where he remembered nothing of Geardagas at all. But he was still blessedly free from that curse, which he's thankful for.]

I was there for... a month, I guess, before I came here.

[He wouldn't blame Susato for having other reasons for wanting to understand. If his suffering might be used to help anybody, it's better than the alternative.]

When was that?

[ Did she ever ask? When they met, she was distracted by Blossom and those weird flying slugs, so maybe she asked. It's possible she doesn't remember. Regardless, she can feel more questions threatening to bubble to the surface. ]

Y, You never found out who was controlling you? Or why? [ Why did they want everyone to be fae? Or, was it even everyone? ]

I was in Geardagas for a year.

[The facts of the matter are easy enough to answer; separating the emotions from the experiences has become a simple task, when the questions are objective.]

We only ever had guesses. It felt like people stopped asking, after a while.

......

[ Susato is rendered speechless. Focusing on objective facts should have made this easier, but she still feels like there is more she could be doing. They unearthed an entire government conspiracy lasting ten years, on completely foreign soil; surely this could not be so different?

Then again, she had Ryunosuke to lean on then. Her father, Kazuma, Ryunosuke, there was always someone supporting her. How long would she last on her own? ]

It is not so different here. If you think about it, it is rather extraordinary that the moon has been missing for so long. My father told me that the Story Eater absorbed it, and I suppose I've just accepted the fact, but I think people have stopped asking about that, too.

[Even if Ferran's memory of that time was crystal clear, he wouldn't have much more for her. What brought them there, what changed their nature to be in line with that world, how their portals home even worked... it's all something he doesn't expect to find out. Not that he cares to know at this point.]

Maybe we just lose hope that the answers even exist.

[After a moment, he shakes his head to dismiss the miserable topic.]

I'm just glad I'm not there anymore. This place... it's been good to me. Even with the nightmares and the missing moon.

[ That's probably what the Story Eater wants. That loss of hope, or at the very least, he probably would prefer it if people would forget. That way... when the time comes, whatever he is planning will be even more of a shock.

If Ferran says this realm has been good to him, however, she won't fight it with her own jaded ideals. There is a lot she's come to like about this place, too. ]

We all have good days, and... bad ones. It's important to see each other through both, I think. Although... it's alright to focus on the good, for a night like this.

For example... what is your favorite thing about Reverein?

[Ferran won't deny that there are a number of unpleasant things that come with this place, certainly, but they almost pale in comparison to the other things he's been through. He'll take a few horrible incidents here and there if it means he's not suffering all the time.

He doesn't even need to think about his answer, though:]

The people. [He's always been a people person, wanting to make friends and learn more about others. It's no different here. Everything else he likes is just an extension of that.]

A couple of my friends even came here from Geardagas, too. ... I'm glad I have the chance to spend time with them outside of there.

[ Susato seems to resonate with that answer. Perhaps hers would be similar. Leaving things as they were at the Port of Dover, she didn't know when she'd ever see Kazuma again (though the promise had always been there that they would, someday); but of course, there's always a trade off.

There is a distant smile. ]

Your girlfriends? [ Just assuming. ] What are they like?

[ Maybe if she gets him talking about them, he'll regain some of his energy for the walk to her house. ]

[He shakes his head no; sadly, he hasn't seen them, and doesn't expect to in the future, but... he'll take the opportunity to talk about them anyway. It's nice to remember the few good things he had; same as here, the people are what were most important to him in Aefenglom.]

They were both way too good to me. The first time I met Yona, I was ready to give up and let a monster attack me, but she told me to get up and refused to leave me. [He sighs.] And Rikku... she immediately took my hand to help me get settled in, and—well, there was something there where we had to have a magical bond with someone, to keep ourselves safe. She didn't hesitate to offer even though we'd just met.

[To answer the initial question, though:]

But the two who are here are Sora and Vanitas. They're... very different. From each other, I mean. [Despite looking nearly identical.]

[ Ferran doesn't seem like the type to just give up. Still, as Susato listens, she realizes this is the sort of reaction she'd been hoping for. She keeps smiling to encourage him, though she wonders if she could be as brave and selfless if it came down to it.

Is something like that... is that what it means to be a girlfriend? ]

How admirable...

[ She seems taken, even as he digests the story; but she perks up a little upon hearing a name she recognizes. ]

I've met Sora, at least. Do they know each other?

[He lets out the weakest of chuckles at her assessment, but it's genuine. He did admire the both of them. They were wonderful to him.

His humor doesn't fade much at the question, either, though still feeble.]

Oh, yeah. [Said with emphasis... They sure do know each other.] They're together. I always thought it was kinda weird, though... since they look almost exactly alike.

[He wonders about it sometimes, to be honest!]

If you ever see a mean-looking Sora around with black hair and yellow eyes, that's Vanitas.

[ Susato is a little slow on the uptake, honestly, especially the way he describes them as twins. Together could mean anything, but there's something about his tone that seems to simply something very specific.

And then she understands.

She tries to imagine Vanitas in her head, just based on what Ferran says, though she's having some trouble. ]

So... they're identical in appearance, yet also opposites?

[ Hmmm. She might need to sleep on that one... or at least walk on it through the cool night air. But she still won't rush Ferran. ]

Alike in appearance, opposite in personality.

[Thus the mean-looking comment.]

They have a whole deal that's too complicated for me to get into, but... I like them.

[... but if Susato doesn't want to drag them away from the half-broken house, Ferran will have to. He can feel himself getting less shaky at least, which means the adrenaline must be on its way out, and his remaining energy along with it. If they don't leave soon, he might not manage the walk without tripping over something at best.]

You said... you have more of those flowers at your place, right?

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