dreamcrystals | XX2 Entry

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XX2 Entry

Sender: Beatrix
To: All
Subject: No Rest for the Weary

It would appear that I have been indisposed, though that seems to have been rectified. If for any reason, you have been seeking me, I can now properly attend to matters that were not appropriately handled before said indisposition.

That said, please refrain from entering my personal space and leaving books, regardless of the quality of reading material. Furthermore, please refrain from entering my personal space, period.

I had, prior to my temporary condition, been discussing how to better provide a defence for the town proper. As more dream walkers find themselves in this world, not only do we grow in population count, we also grow in the evolution of the town. The market, beings who are not exactly dream walkers like ourselves, yet present all the same, farming land, the coliseum in disrepair, and our other outskirts.

I would like to know if it is possible to create a defensive ward to otherwise protect Reverein citizens from potential outside threats by use of dreamotion in the establishment of wards. If we are capable of creating such things, it may also be possible to recycle or supply a consistent and constant flow of dreamotion in an effort to power said wards or barriers.

For some time, I have contemplated the ability to, for lack of a better term, 'bottle' dreamotion for later usage. If you have any experience in such matters, I implore you to share your results.

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I am not particularly good at 'slowing down,' as it were.

[Which would come to the surprise of absolutely no one who remotely knows her. She's well aware of it. She works to keep herself busy, in a fruitless attempt to avoid thinking. It never really works. She's always thinking. Can't shut off that inner voice that reminds her of where her priorities ought to be. Even in Alexandria it's like that. She doesn't doubt it's, in part, how she's come to be the person she is today.

At the offer of his arm, she simply stares at him, perhaps a touch perplexed by it. If it weren't some attempt at courting her, he wouldn't dare do that. They've walked together more than once and in none of those other times has he made such an offer. On the contrary, he's understood to keep his distance.

He plants one kiss on her in her sleep and suddenly, he is so very brave. Fine. She'll humour him. He'll change his mind. He has to. Eventually. Feelings can be such fickle things. With thought and consideration, she thinks to the way she's seen nobles in court walk with one another and in a rather rigid fashion, she coils her arm about his. It's still professional. It's still very her in nature.]

When you are ready.

[She'll concede.]

[He is, of course, not surprise in the least.]

Perhaps I can help you to learn, if you are willing to do so— but I know it may be difficult. I would be happy to help you see the appeal.

[He almost retracts his arm during that long pause, wondering if it had been too much, but he subtly releases a breath he had not realized he'd been holding when she relents.

It does not have to mean anything, he tells himself. It is polite. Courtly. A remnant of who he once was, but proof that he has not forgotten his manners from his days on Lenegis. When one means to escort a lady somewhere, there are proper niceties to be considered. That is all.

As such, their linking of arms is polite and professional, rather than overly familiar, but some part of him still feels it is a step forward— however small.]

With pleasure.

[He begins to lead her towards the town's center at an easy pace. Strides have been made this day, he is certain, though towards exactly what, it is hard to tell.]

You should not make too many expectations of me. [She begins somewhat quietly.] If you do, you will only find disappointment.

[Beatrix can only be who she is. What she is. She thinks about that a lot, perhaps more so in his company and those like him, than with others. She lets him lead, which is almost uncharacteristic of her, but given what she's learned and the things he's given her to think about, maybe that's not a surprise either. She needs time to go over things in her own way. This is not a time of war. There is no immediate battle to distract her. Only the implications in Dohalim's words that sit upon her shoulders, weighted and real.

Her chin dips thoughtfully. She's never liked noble outings. Galas. Parties. Those that require her to speak of matters not pertaining to country and kingdom, to her people.

It occurs to her that she doesn't know how to have small talk with someone. At least not very well.]

That said, others have reminded me I ought not to obsess over my work. Not in those words, but they express their own sort of concern. I do not like others having concern for me.

There are no expectations, only the presentation of possibility. They are quite different, I assure you.

[He is willing to offer her such opportunities, but will not feel slighted if she does not take them, for as he himself has said in the past, she is precisely who she is, and he would not change that. He has no desire to. None of them can be anyone but who they are.

His smile is faint but fond, and he gives a soft chuckle as he shakes his head.]

I am not surprised to hear others have said such things, nor am I surprised that you don't care for it. I don't expect either of those things to change anytime soon. It is in your nature to be independent, but friends cannot help wanting to see those they care for do well and take care of themselves. It is only natural.

["...the presentation of possibility."

Words like that make her nervous, though she declines from saying so. They can sometimes contain weight and implication, though it is just as likely that she's looking for something that isn't there at all. It would be so easy to simply shoo him off for assumptions without basis in reality instead of facing whatever truth he'd be offering.]

I just do not like worrying others.

[She explains herself quietly, keen on focusing on anything that isn't him if she manage it. It's an awkward thing still to walk arm-in-arm with him. Not... completely horrid. Just awkward.]

It is easier for me to act or react in times of duress when I am not aware of such concern. Some may consider that reckless, but it allows me to take risks that I feel I otherwise must reassess. There is a possibility I may pause in a vital moment, or fail to carry something out that is otherwise my responsibility. It is a weakness.

[A weakness with the warmest feeling attached to it.]

Those are the moments when you are in your element.

[It is not a question, merely an observation, an expression of understanding. He knows full well that she does not want to trouble others, does not care to be seen as someone who needs worrying about, though in his experience, 'need' has very little to do with such emotions.]

I do not think that reckless of you in the least. You are playing to your strengths.

Perhaps. I am not certain it is a strength, Dohalim. Arrogance, maybe. We both know that I have plenty of it.

[She'd said reckless before. She is still inclined to bind herself to that descriptor.]

I am beginning to think you will find any opportunity you can to alleviate the harsher thoughts I may have of myself. However... I also think you are being honest. I believe you mean what you are saying.

[Even if it seems difficult to believe.]

Perhaps not alleviate, but at least challenge. I do not believe myself to be anywhere near persuasive enough to achieve the former.

[He gives her a knowing smile, then shakes his head as they continue towards their destination.]

You are quite right, however. I do not say anything I do not truly believe. I am also well aware of the fact that there are many facets to such things, and they needn't be defined in a single way. Though the ideas may seem to be at odds with one another, a trait may well be both a strength and a weakness, depending on how it is used.

[Not persuasive enough? That's debatable. Beatrix isn't so certain she'd underestimate him. He's persuaded her of plenty of things. Dances. Conversation. Showing him around Zidane's Alexandria. The flower festival. The current moment. She has, with time, eventually given in to him most times. And he thinks he's not near persuasive enough?

Beatrix shakes her head. Maybe none of that has occurred to him.]

I suppose I cannot very well argue that. I do dislike it when you refute my logic with... logic. [Maybe he just loves getting under her skin. She's starting to think that's a very real possibility.] You are quite good at that. Perhaps you should not underestimate yourself.

[Although... perhaps that's difficult for him not to do.]

I do not know if I would consider it underestimation.

[They're nearing the tea shop now, but his expression is genuinely thoughtful as he considers, going back through their many encounters. He has quite often persuaded her to do things, to accept his company, but that is far different from persuading someone to change— something he would never dream of.]

I am glad I have convinced you to tolerate my company on a number of occasions, but there are limits to even my efforts, genuine and well-meaning though they may be. I do not believe I can persuade you to change your point-of-view so completely, however, and I would not care to, for it is uniquely yours.

[Should she be impressed by his ability to say the right thing? Isn't that what she does? As she looks over to him, watches patiently, and listens, she yet again wonders if this is just some very ornate game that he's playing. If he is, she has no idea what the rules are and understands it is extremely likely she will lose.

She hates losing.

Her attention turns onto the tea shop, not so distant. Near enough that she can get a look at it, as she has many times in passing on patrol.]

Certainly no small part of your persuasion comes from me allowing you such a thing. I do not change for anything or anyone I do not wish to on some level. If I have spent time with you, then it is because I have wanted to in my own way. I have simply not said as much often.

[Until now. Although it does make her think back to Alexandria. How open she was. And today as well. More open than she ordinarily would want to be. Will that haunt her? She's almost positive it will.]

To persuade one, another has to b open to the power of persuasion. I had always thought I was relatively immovable. I suppose I am not immune to you, as much as I have told myself otherwise.

[...Nor does it seem is he immune to her. If she is understanding any of this properly.]

That, I understand quite well— and I am grateful you have made such allowances.

[To what end, he does not say. He has dangerously overstepped certain boundaries already, and he knows better than to press now. Beyond that, it is true that he has come to value her company and friendship on their own merits, not as a potential stepping stone to something more. She is a difficult woman to befriend, but fascinating to know. He will not be moved on that point.]

I hope you know I do not intend to abuse such kindness. I am simply... glad to be in your company.

[He will not push her towards anything she does not wish— but tea is simple enough, and something he thinks they will both be able to enjoy quite thoroughly despite unsorted feelings.]

I did not assume otherwise.

[He knows to tread carefully. He has stepped lightly where he's felt he needed. They are only here at this point because of the time they have both taken to get here. But were it not for such steps taken on his part, it is likely that Beatrix would have remained as cold and distant as she was to begin with.

She cannot take complete credit for these changes she has experienced.

"I am simply... glad to be in your company."

How romantic. She can't stand it. Or she can and she doesn't want to. What the hell is she supposed to do with that?]

Well. If you quiet down on the sentimental words, I will let you have my company more often. But today is an exception and not the rule. I will not always make it this convenient for you.

[As if any of this was convenient to begin with. It wasn't. Not really.]

Now then— [She pats his arm for just a moment before she unweaves her arm from his to point toward the cafe.] —tea.

[He laughs, a genuine response as he considers her terms.

Yes, he thinks he can live with that.]

Understood. I will be certain to keep such things in check.

[And he knows, in truth, that this is a difficult step for her to take, wherever it may lead. He intends to treat that with the gravity it deserves. As she pulls away from him, he gives a nod and alters his course just slightly so that he can reach to hold the door open for her as they approach.]

But yes— tea.

[Just for her, he'll not say another sentimental thing for the next hour, content to simply enjoy her company now that she has returned.]

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XX2 Entry

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tying this one off so we can progress to BIRD ATTACK and feelings