[open] a query

[removal]

Sender: Phantom
To: Everyone
Subject: Healing Magic

Good evening. I write to ask if there are any amongst us dreamwalkers who may be able and willing to teach the healing arts.

The ability to mend wounds and cleanse poisons is a valuable skill that can help us prepare for unexpected events. Owing to the varied forms of dreamwalkers, I believe that magic would be more effective, as well as more accessible, whether drawing from magical aptitude or from our own dreamotion energies.

Please let me know if you are interested in teaching. I can offer some compensation for your time. I also encourage fellow prospective students to write in, I shall keep you apprised of any developments.

Thank you for your perusal, and I wish all a pleasant sunset.

Phantom

[ ooc: Sometimes I render Phantom's network posts with 𝔣𝔞𝔫𝔠𝔶 𝔣𝔬𝔫𝔱 to emphasise his handwriting and/or way of speaking. It's opt-in since I understand it can be kind of illegible! Let me know via PM if you want the 𝔣𝔞𝔫𝔠𝔶 𝔣𝔬𝔫𝔱. ]

Comments

[flamekthunder]

[course now i realize they're the same flowers lmao crying]

So you have something of an immunity to outside effects at least... But there's still always the threat of your own.

[removal]

[ Phantom ponders this for a moment, closing his hand and extinguishing the flame. ]

'tis much less than before. It does not wrestle for control of mine body... it is a part of me now, as natural as my breath.

[flamekthunder]

[Similar to what he's said before... It's so strange to think about this all now that he's personally experienced it.]

I know your circumstances are a bit different, requiring more to keep things in check. However, I'd be open to any advice.

[A small sigh as he stares at his own hand, the image of the frost taking over still clear in his mind.]

For a while I had only been thinking of burying all this, seal it away. But... I know that's not the real solution. I know Tifa won't like it so I haven't told her just yet, but this is never going away—I'll have live with it for as long as I'm here. [His fingers curl inward into a tight fist.] So I wish to know how to better control it so that it works under my terms.

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[ Phantom nods again. While he's an example of successfully overcoming one's nightmare, it is in part due to being infused with it since young. He wonders if Eustace has the same experience. If he didn't, then how can Phantom help him? ]

Light and darkness, dream and nightmare. Both are two sides of the same coin; you cannot have one without the other. Rather than suppressing it, it would be more constructive to seek a balance betwixt the two. Nightmare is borne from your thoughts and feelings, your fears and desires. It is difficult to talk about such things, but you are not alone in it... each person carries darkness within their hearts, the ashen vestige of selfish sins.

[ He's just rambling at this point, so he hopes Eustace can understand. ]

I believe... that facing your shadow, and understanding what your shadow desires, will teach you how to tame it and turn its strength into your own. To know the reasons behind our own dark impulses, and to use those reasons to drive positive change... would unify both light and shadow into a cohesive whole.

[flamekthunder]

[Despite the rambling, Eustace can understand and like always he listens attentively. It's things he's heard before, but...it now feels so different after having such a harrowing personal experience with it.

And then his brows furrow.]

...Facing my shadow...huh...

[He's had some practice with it, but... ...]

...Yours has something like it's own conscience and personality, doesn't it? Or is still more of a twisted projection of yourself?

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[ Phantom tilts his head, considering Eustace's question for a moment. ]

'tis both. Mine shadow manifested as an external entity due to the effects of my cursed power. Even if it can separate from my body, it still remains a part of me in spirit. We are inseparable, as light and dark, as night and day. I would imagine that your own shadow takes a different form from mine, not of the Crimson Diamond, but another that is closer to your heart. Perhaps your world lacked the means to bring it into the physical realm - this world, a world of dreams, was in turn able to give it a voice and body.

[flamekthunder]

Hmm... I believe mine may be more of a manifestation born from my own emotions than a complete separate entity...but it's hard to say. While it's likely not impossible for something similar in my world, I doubt I would be carrying it.

[Basically his own creation...his own self. He's not sure if that's better or worse.]

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[ Phantom nods again. Eustace rarely talked about himself, but Phantom had suspected this was the case. ]

I would not disrespect your feelings by lording over them, but if you are open to sharing your thoughts with me... I am here to listen.

[ He probably can't help with Eustace's marriage life, but he'll definitely try. ]

[flamekthunder]

[Eustace hesitates a moment.]

...Perhaps...I should take you up on that offer. A lot of the problem came to be because I kept it all in. [A small sigh.] But I wouldn't know where to begin.

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[ Phantom isn't surprised. This isn't the first time he's seen someone break down, and it won't be the last. ]

From the earliest time, perhaps? Or the matter that pains you the most?

[flamekthunder]

[There's a...slight shift of discomfort. He trusts Phantom it's just...having to admit a lot of this, especially since it involves Tifa, he's really feeling how personal and intimate this all is.

...That and just talking about anything of his personal emotions is so unfamiliar to him.]

...If... I had to start from the beginning... Then it would have to go back to when I first lost my family when I was a child. That was when the fear of losing anyone important became so deeply rooted that it changed my outlook and behavior in life... I closed myself off and strove to be as strong and capable as possible so I wouldn't have to go through it again. However in recent years I've managed to step away from that so I could trust others.

But... It all resurfaced when Tifa almost froze and drowned in the lake last winter.

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[ Phantom keeps his posture neutral, showing that he's listening carefully to Eustace's words. So Eustace's circumstance is a little different than he had thought it was. Eustace only wished to protect those close to him. Tifa almost dying last winter comes as a surprise to him, though. ]

I understand... [ It is never easy to live with the knowledge that you could lose those precious to you. ] What were the circumstances that led to that incident? If you are willing to share...

[flamekthunder]

That... [There's another shift in his expression, but it's almost more exhausted and displeased as he recalls it all.]

There was this creature called a gumdrop that was flying around town, making people do things. In our case, it wouldn't leave us alone until we... [Small hesitation.] ...Kissed. This was before Tifa and I had entered into a relationship, but we were already starting to get closer. We were out on the lake skating and tried to ignore it, but for whatever hell reason, it made the ice break beneath us. I managed to pull her out, but she had almost drowned and was freezing. I managed to get her to safety and save her.

[A small pause as he realizes his hand had started to dig into his palm as he recalls how she looked then. Her pale face, her heartbeat barely there...]

That... That was the moment I realized I had stronger feelings towards her. I've had to witness and rescue people from similar life threatening situations, but seeing Tifa like that rattled me more than anyone else.

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[ Idly, Phantom thinks this almost seems like a scene from a romance novel. It seemed too deliberate, but it is what it is. They are in a world of dreams, and people dream up stories. ]

It shows your love for her, [ Phantom offers after a while. He knew he would feel the same if the Doctor was harmed. It was one of the reasons he was employed as their bodyguard. ] Did you tell her of your unease?

[flamekthunder]

Yes...though not at the time. It was naturally an unsettling experience, but... What really threw me over the edge and has been the main issue was when I—

[He takes in a sharp breath. This isn't easy to admit to anyone but Tifa. Her almost dying had planted a small seed, but he could have lived with that. A bit of a fear would linger, but it wouldn't have accelerated so quickly. No, the real thorn that's dug so deep and continues to wiggle around every now and then is what happened after, and it takes Eustace a bit to continue.

Until at least, in a quiet voice he speaks again.]

...I killed her once, in a dreamscape. It was not by choice, but that only made it worse. I was not in control, cursed by the role I had to play at the time.

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[ Phantom's eyes widen. He's usually a composed person, making any visible display of emotion remarkable. To have to kill someone with one's own hands... it hits quite close to home. He lost count of how many times he would be trapped in his own nightmares, hallucinating the dead bodies of those he had come to see as friends. And he did perhaps kill them in the real world too, not in Dreammare Castle, but back in Calais-Blaison, only for the Wine God to resurrect them again and again... ]

I'm sorry...

[ His words sound feeble in the face of Eustace's great sorrow, but he wants to at least make an attempt to communicate his thoughts in return. ]

[flamekthunder]

[A small shake of his head.]

I feel I might be sharing more than you wish to hear.

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No, no. I would hear all that you wish to tell me, no matter how dark it may be.

[ Phantom takes care to make his expression more resolute. He dips his head a little ]

I only feel that I am unable to find the words that match the depths of your sorrow... my eloquence flows easily when I act out a role, but I oft find myself at a loss if I must speak from mine true heart. My apologies.