002 - Dream Recording

[chippedsoul]

Sender: Kazuma Asogi
To: Everyone
Subject: Passive Dream recording


CW: Blood, Death, Naga?

Before there is any sort of scenery, there is warmth. A comforting breeze blowing, the sound of birds chirping, a flowing stream. A child's laughter echoes in the darkness. And then it turns to white. Like eyes adjusting to the sudden brightness, a scene starts to take shape.

Colors come alive, and there was the smell of fresh linen. Clothes being hung block your view for a moment as the world expands behind them. A grassy area with a rock garden and a Japanese-style wooden home, a yard of sorts. Cherry blossom petals were floating through the breeze from the nearby blooming trees, and down by the stream was the source of the laughter. A small boy with an older gentleman, probably his father.

"I got something!" The boy pulls on his rod with such enthusiasm, at the end of the line, a small guppy. "Aw, it's so small." The parent gives him a few headpats, a warm smile on his face.

"We all have to start somewhere." The boy looks up to him.

"Well when can I start practicing with a sword? It's been a year now!" As if the father expected this inevitable question, he laughs.

"Much older I'm afraid, but...I suppose your mother wouldn't be against practicing with a wooden sword." The boy's face suddenly lights up with anticipation.

"Really?! Ah that is--I would be honor if you could teach me the way of the Asogi clan." His excitement quickly replace with a stiff bow, failing to hide his giddiness. The father continues to have a warm gentle smile, as the edges of the dream shifts like static. As they move from the stream, they just miss a white snake slithering through the grass.

Like changing the channel on a television, the scene changes and you are brought inside the home of this boy and father. Both stood on opposite ends of the room, a change into training clothes and wooden swords in hand. The boy was intensely focused, breathing heavily to indicate they had been at this for a while.

"One more, just one more try." He had been attempting and failing at a technique apparently. And he stubbornly does not know when to call it quits and to try again later. His father, a sympathetic yet stern look.

"There is a lesson in knowing when to stop."

"I'll stop after this one. Promise." And he will keep his promise. His father simply sighs as he raises his sword. Not mad, just amused.

"One more it is then."

And so they spar, a bit one-sided, but it was a child training with a grown man. He just, needed an opening. One good hit through all these parries and he will have succeeded. "There!" Just as the boy thrust his wooden sword forward, he slips and lets out a yelp as he tumbles into his father instead. Father goes along with it as he "falls" onto the ground.

"Ahh, you found my weak point" He feign defeat, his free arm hugging his son. The boy groans. "I did not..." Thanks for trying to make him feel better, dad. His father just chuckles as he pats him on the head.

"You pushed yourself more than you could take. You'll get it next time after some rest." The boy knows this to be true, though he wish the session hadn't ended in such embarrassing way. Just as he was about to say something to his father, he felt something wet in his hand. Looking down, he's freezes with shock to find what appears to be blood on his hand, blood on his father's clothes. No, he couldn't have.

"Father-?" A look of horror on the boys face as the colors on his father's face fade. The scenery around them become harder to stay in focus, crumbling into a darkness until it was only them. His father's warm expression turns cold and lifeless.

"Why?"

Suddenly the dream felt like was speeding up. The boy tries to wiggle himself free, only to realize he couldn't feel his legs. He had no legs, just a long serpentine tail. Scales and fangs suddenly appear, giving the boy a more serpent appearance as he looks back to his father in a panic, confused, seeking help, answers.

But he was no longer on his father. He was suddenly left alone on the floor, his father floating away in the distance, leaving a trail of blood. His features became less life-like, more blood dripping as if he had been torn in various places on his body.

"No! Father, I didn't-!" The boy felt a heavy weight that kept him from going after his father, no matter how much he tries to reach for him with his bloody hand.

"I taught you better. No son of mine would ever take a life."

"I'm sorry!" Desperation in the boys voice, not wanting to lose his father. "I just wanted-I didn't mean for it to happen!" Please come back to me.

In that moment, you'll feel a coldness and being weigh down, sinking. The dream will then abruptly end.

Comments

[redbeauty]

That sounds super unappealing.

[ But he knows Kazuma is right. As embarrassing or distressing as it might be to have one's dreams shared publicly with everyone on occasion, because everyone is used to it, it's doubtful anyone would be downright mean about it. ]

Hey, do you still use a sword? I don't know if you've grown to hate them, but if not, we could spar together sometime.

[chippedsoul]

[Oh? Well now that's something he is interested and willing to talk about.]

I still do. A wielder of the blade yourself?

[redbeauty]

[ There's a brief moment where he doesn't actually know how to answer the question. The answer is obviously yes, but at the same time--it's complicated. And he knows he's overcomplicating it. ]

I do. I only use an uchigatana, though, so I don't have experience using other sword types so much as sparring against them. I guess you could compare my fighting style to some of the more prominent members of the Shinsengumi, if you've heard of them.

You mentioned something about the Asogi Clan style?

[chippedsoul]

[THESE ARE ALL THINGS HE KNOWS AND SUDDENLY EVERYTHING IS BETTER.]

I certainly have. Did you train under someone connected to the Shinsengumi? [He was not alive, but he knew of them through family and politics. They did catch his interest whenever the subject is brought up.]

I'm practiced in a style of sword techniques that have been passed down in my family since before Edo. So perhaps some of the techniques may be familiar to you whenever we spar.

[redbeauty]

[ It occurs to him that he could probably share a little bit about his former master here. Most people aren't frim the same time period, let alone the same world. ]

I trained with Okita, the commander of the first unit of the Shinsengumi.

[ T e c h n i c a l l y. ]

Most of what I know comes directly from him, but I've picked up a few things on the battlefield as well.

And wow, I didn't think I'd actually meet anyone here who'd even heard of the Edo time period, let alone someone who actually knows techniques from before then. You and your family must be pretty distinguished!

[chippedsoul]

Really? [Politics aside, that's actually cool?] The Shinsengumi I know have long since been disbanded. If our worlds are similar, you're the first one I've met from even before my time, and many consider me a relic of the past already.

As for our family, I know many have wanted to train under us. My father was rather selective of who he would teach though.

[redbeauty]

The Shinsengumi are disbanded for me as well, but I'm still very grateful for what I was able to learn from them.

[ He figures that's the most innocuous way of putting it. It's easier than explaining his memories go from 1684 through 1864 with a big time skip to 2205 after that. Kiyomitsu does want to ask how old Kazuma is if people say that about him, but that's rude so he refrains. Just barely. ]

Sounds like your father was quite skilled if he was selective with the people he taught. That, and I imagine he had to be mindful not to teach the Asogi clan's techniques to just anyone.

[chippedsoul]

He was known as the best swordsman of the Shinsengumi. To be able to train under him is truly an honor.

[Disbanded as well. Okita had passed at an early age according to the history books. Without knowing how different or similar their worlds are, he can only guess Kiyomitsu is a few decades before him.]

Father had a way of judging one's character. So selective, that he had only three students before he passed. [The pen writing abruptly stops there. In all of his excitement in possibly meeting another who understood the way of the sword, the subject eventually comes back around to his father. He was one of his last students, who ended up losing his way. He'd likely tarnish what's left of his family name for what he's done, were memories not a fickle thing in these worlds. Even if no one will remember, the guilt has already been planted in his heart.]

[redbeauty]

[ Kiyomitsu wants nothing more than to brag about the swords that Okita used, but he knows he can't... well, he shouldn't. Besides, his relationship with Okita is complicated, and he's complimented Okita enough today. ]

That seems to be the general consensus. He was pretty good, but the other captains of their respective units were very good in their own right.

[ He stops there because he doesn't want to allow himself the opportunity to speak negatively of Okita, either. ]

Three students isn't a lot, but that's not a terrible thing. Even though it sounds like he had very strict requirements, that just means everyone he selected was selected with utmost care.

[chippedsoul]

[He stares at the words written, lost in thought. With care...if he could seen him now.]

I was one of his last students. He passed when I was still a child though, so I had to teach myself. I can only hope I've done him justice, but my hands have already been tainted.

[redbeauty]

Even if there was a lot you had to teach yourself, you can still be a successful successor.

This probably doesn't mean anything coming from me, but I don't think your hands are tainted. I obviously don't know your situation, and so maybe I'm speaking out of turn, but I think the only one who can really decide that is you.

[ Which, to be fair, it sounds like Kazuma has already made that decision. But, he adds: ]

Try not to let what your father may or may not think of you determine whether your hands are truly tainted. If you've done your best, even if you've made decisions that were difficult or that someone might have deemed "wrong," you did what you had to do to survive.

[chippedsoul]

[...He may be a complete stranger, but he managed to hit him where it mattered. And it's not exactly the first time he's heard this kind of talk. Phrased differently, but the same end result. It's up to him to decide how he lets his past shape him. He wants to be better, always strive to do what's right. It's just him, who doesn't believe it's enough. It's never enough. Maybe that's why he always needs these reminders that he's already doing more than what's needed. He always was a bit of an overachiever.]

I appreciate reading these words of encouragement all the same. It is giving me something to think about, at least. It almost sounds like you speak from personal experience yourself. Dealing with hard choices and such.

[redbeauty]

I think I've made some difficult decisions, but they're the type that would be weighted differently than yours. Probably.

The captain of my unit changes depending on the situation, and when I'm captain, I sometimes have to make decisions that I feel are good decisions as a captain, but poor decisions as a friend.

I've learned that even when others are against my decision, or I realize I could have made a different, possibly better choice, I don't regret it because I put a lot of thought into it. I made the best choice I could.

So, I know that's not really the same as your situation, but I think it was important for me to learn that I'm not an omniscient being. I will fail, and I will make choices that could have been better. I can't really do anything about that. But, what I can do is make sure each choice I make is one I've thought through, and that it was made considering all the information I had at the time.

[chippedsoul]

[It's definitely different from his situation. For one thing, he wasn't the one making the choices. He lost the fight with the demon inside him and thus allowed it to run loose. It's harder to be able to tell yourself that it will be fine, when that reason for his guilt came from within. After a moment of reading and considering his words, he writes again.]

It's not the same, but you certainly handle failure far better than I do. I struggle not to constantly get caught up with my own failures, even when I know I'm not expected to be perfect. I'm just never satisfied, and I want to be able to tell myself that I'm already doing enough. That I can actually move on from my past mistakes. It is, I suppose a flaw of mine that I cannot simply accept my mistakes.

[redbeauty]

But you're aware of how you think, and that's a start. Changing a mindset like that doesn't usually happen overnight. Sure, that might happen for some people, but for others, it can take years, maybe even decades. That might not be reassuring, but you're doing what you can.

I am curious, but you don't have to answer: Are you as hard on others as you are on yourself?

[ He genuinely can't predict what the answer might be, but he's leaning toward "no." Still, if he said yes, he supposes Kiyomitsu wouldn't be entirely surprised. ]

[chippedsoul]

I've long accepted it will take time. And it's thanks to the friends I've made, and having the best assistant in the world that I can even talk about this.

[He had to think about the question. In his mind, he feels he has been, especially around Ryunosuke, but the reality is...] At times, but no. I've been far more encouraging towards others.

[redbeauty]

Sometimes, friends can make all the difference.

[ He can't say the same about an assistant, but he figures that assistant must be close with Kazuma, too. ]

And I assume it's not out of a lack of respect for them, right? You just hold yourself to a higher standard without subjecting others to the same expectations?

[chippedsoul]

That is a correct assessment.

[And perhaps he just felt trapped in his personal vendetta, that he didn't see himself with as many possibilities as others. Maybe that's why he's so encouraging of others, because they do have options and shouldn't be squandering it.]

I simply, don't like seeing others give up before trying.