dreamcrystals | 😾Dream Recording😾

Entry tags:

😾Dream Recording😾

Sender: Satan
To: Everyone
Subject: Passive Dream Recording
Warnings: Discusses the birth of Satan.

Despite being regarded as the most beloved Angel in all the Celestial Realm, Lucifer's sour face doesn't seem to fit with such a title. Bubbling below the surface is a quiet rage that's just barely contained. He'd come to this room for some quiet, hoping to hide within its plain white walls, a room devoid of any any furniture.

Just for a moment. He needs just a moment to bury the anger deep down inside himself.

He doesn't get the moment.

The door opens and an angel steps into the room. The mask they are wearing might be comical, but Lucifer pays it no mind. There is a sense of disconnection, as though Lucifer feels nothing but neutral toward the angel. With a small, sharp inhale, Lucifer puts on a radiant smile.

And so begins the endless parade of angels who come to him to complain.

Mammon isn't doing his job very well. Leviathan hasn't left his room in days. Asmodeus went to another party in the human world. Beelzebub, Belphegor and Lilith all made a trip to the human world again.

The smile never leaves his face as he takes each complaint with all the grace in the world. He'll deal with it. He'll work with Mammon. He'll find a way to get Leviathan to leave his room. He'll lecture Asmodeus on the improperness of attending parties in the human world and, for good measure, he may as well loop the triplets into the lecture as well; better they hear it from him than from Michael.

His expression is positively serene, but with each complaint the anger boils even hotter inside him.

It's stifling, says the voice in his head, and Lucifer agrees. While he understands the concern Michael and his Father have, are he and his siblings not perfectly created as well? Thinking about it makes him even angrier, but the perfectly calm smile never leaves his face.

The words It's stifling paint themselves onto the brilliantly white walls, staining them, but the endless stream of angels who come to launch various complaints at him don't seem to acknowledge the words, just as Lucifer doesn't acknowledge their smiling masks.

Who are they to complain? Have they taken the time to speak with my brothers? With my sister? I was the one who recommended Mammon for the job. Of course he is capable of doing it. Leviathan would leave his room if he weren't so petrified of being thought of as useless. Asmodeus, Beelzebub, Belphegor and Lilith all have a perfectly healthy interest in the human world. Why is it my responsibility to correct their behavior? Are we not perfect beings?

The words write themselves on the wall in a bizarre handwriting that is equal parts elegant and messy the moment Lucifer thinks them.

The scene melts away in a flurry of white feathers. It's either another room or the walls are clean again, but Lucifer is no less angry, and the walls don't remain clean for long.

"I hate this," says Lucifer. Behind him, Satan writes on the wall, I hate this. His form isn't quite corporeal, but just like before, he's able to mark the walls in red.

"How dare he do this. How dare he threaten..."

Satan writes the words on the wall just as before. And, when Lucifer stops, Satan keeps going.

Lilith is my sister. She's our sister. We all love her. All of us. We are perfect beings. What she did was an act of love, not an act of rebellion. He hasn't seen true rebellion. I won't let him damn her to oblivion. I won't let him. I won't let him. I won't let him.

When Satan turns to face Lucifer, his expression is a mirror image of the wrath Lucifer is just barely able to contain.

When the scene melts away a second time, it is in a flurry of black feathers instead. Even though Lucifer had torn his six white wings off, four of them regrew, this time in black. As the scene comes into focus, Lucifer is Falling headfirst, plummeting downward. The rage he feels is absolutely unbearable, so much so that his body is no longer able a suitable host for it. Finally, Lucifer's anger is able to manifest physically, and the form it takes is Satan himself. The two of them Fall together, and for a brief moment, neither of them feel the unending torrent of rage. For a moment, they feel nothing but overwhelming sadness, because in the end, they knew it was all for nothing. They knew that in the end, Lilith would die.

They hit the ground of the Devildom hard, together, and it's so painful that Satan had quite preferred being an intangible consciousness inside of Lucifer in comparison. Despite how hard they hit the ground, they quickly sit up in unison. No longer were they supposedly perfect beings. They were demons, marked by their ram-like horns that mirrored each other. Lucifer kept the angelic form of his wings while Satan instead had a long black tail that remained coiled securely around his leg.

Lucifer takes a moment to fit the black, smiling mask the other angels were wearing on his face while, at the same time while Satan's face remains bare, unmasked and angry. They sit back to back, and Lucifer resolves to protect the rest of his family while Satan cannot even think clearly at all. The only thing he can think about or feel is the thousands of years worth of anger that Lucifer had consistently pushed down again and again until there was no room left.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

It's not the same, Mammon. You weren't born from an emotion; you were created as an angel. You know first-hand that the only thing I could feel at first was my anger. How you and the others had to pass me around to teach be how to be a semi-decent person.

[ He falls silent for a moment. ]

I know what you're trying to get at, though, so thank you.

[ Even if he doesn't think it's true, he appreciates that Mammon is at least trying. ]

As for Zelda, I don't know whether I've seen her darkest thoughts. It's not as though I know her fully, although I'd like to someday. And that probably won't happen once she realizes how much of a hypocrite I am.

[ Mammon leans his back against Satan a little extra as if to nudge him in an affectionate manner. ]

If you really think Zelda would really hate you after something like this, I don't think you're truly seein' all her good sides, Satan. You ain't givin' her enough credit.

[ Because surely a dream like this wouldn't make Zelda fear him. He's pretty sure it would just make her want to console him. ]

Look, I ain't sayin' you can't feel these things. But I think... your thoughts are so far into the negatives, you ain't lettin yourself believe in the positives?

[ Oof. ]

But if she did, she'd be well within her rights. I know that.

[ He knows his unwillingness to let himself show any sign of his boiling wrath is an insult to Zelda's character. Truthfully, it most likely isn't Zelda that is or might be afraid -- it's Satan who's afraid to fully be himself. ]

It's not like I'm ashamed of what I am.... I hate that I'm connected to Lucifer, but I accepted what I am a long time ago. But like I said, while I'm okay with what I am, I'm not okay with losing control.

No one likes losin' control. An' yeah in your case it might lead to a lot of damage sure, but it just makes you a livin' breathin' creature ya know? It might be scary to lose control, but it doesn't make you a bad person, ya know? It's just somethin' you gotta acknowledge and move on or somethin.

...You do realize that you've transformed into your demon out of anger maybe... three times in the last thousand years? It's not as simple as thinking "Oh, yeah, I totally went into a blind rage and threw a bookcase that landed on Zelda. And those boulders that blew everywhere when I transformed into my demon form? They nearly took out a family of cats. My apologies. So anyway."

Okay, yeah. Those would be some pretty bad blowups, sure. But you ain't giving yourself enough credit. When it really counts you can hold yourself back. An' don't compare yourself to me like that. Sure I can keep myself from goin' demon mode, but it's only cause I've got so many years of repressin' shit.

[ What he lacks in magical ability he makes up in other aspects, like his strength for taking a hit and his ability to hold himself back. ]

.......Mammon, that's messed up.

Thaaats why we say do as I say, not as I do. You want me to be honest so Imma be honest. You seem to see us as somehow better because we were angels before, but I'm livin' proof that I'm a huge ass disaster. I just have more practice at hidin' it.

[ Leaning against Satan's back. ]

You're not a disaster. You were the glue that kept us together when we all Fell into the Devildom. Even I know that.

[ As angry as he gets when Mammon steals from him, he gets it. Mammon's greed is no different than his own wrath, and it takes a lot of energy to keep it under control. ]

Don't forget. You all passed me around so I could learn to be a person and not a seething ball of rage. I learned a lot from you, including what emotional control I do have. But more than that, I understand how you think, at least a little.

[ Mammon lets out a soft noise before letting his head fall back to gently nudge Satan's. ]

If that's the case, then you should believe me a little more when I tell you you're more than your rage, Satan.

[ His voice was a little playful, but it had such softness in the tone. ]

You get angry, sure. But you are so much more than that anger. Maybe I just don't tell you enough times so it hasn't stuck yet.

Lucifer and the others don't make it easy to feel that way. But... I do have to say... even if you might compare me to Lucifer sometimes, you don't make me feel like I'm just a part of him the way the others do.

[ Satan sighs softly, appreciating the warmth of Mammon's back against his own, but also annoyed with himself for appreciating it. ]

But you know, it's not your responsibility to tell me that. I shouldn't let what others think of me affect me so much. I'm an adult, so I should know better.

Just cause you're an adult doesn't mean words like that won't hurt ya ya know? Bein' an adult doesn't automatically mean you don't get to feel things sometimes. Even if the things are things you feel are real childish an' stuff. They're still your feelin's an you're allowed to feel them.

[Mammon leans his head back to rest on Satan's shoulder from behind. ]

I mean look at me~

I can't look at you because you're sitting behind me.

[ He knows what Mammon meant, but still. Just had to point that out. ]

See, this is what I meant when I said you were the glue that held us all together after we Fell. Maybe you're not so great when it comes to feeling and expressing your own emotions, but you've always been sensitive to how others feel. I don't mean that as an insult, either.

You know all of us very well. You can tell when we're upset, even when nobody else can. And, you always know what to say. I know you don't really know about this, since the memories you have are from before then... but while I was asleep and I got to witness everything that had happened back home while we were here...

Ugh. To put it shortly, Lucifer and I had an argument, and I left home. Barbatos actually opened up a portal so I could stay at Lord Diavolo's hotel in the human world. Asmo and Levi came to get me, but I'm pretty sure they only agreed to bring me home because it meant a free trip to the human world.

I'm only gonna say this once, so listen up and burn it into your brain: I wish you'd come instead. Maybe you would have wanted to have fun in the human world, too, but you would have taken me seriously, at least.

[ Mammon falls silent as he listens to Satan talk. Everything Satan was describing was stuff he hadn't experienced yet, but maybe sometime in the future he might. Either way, he listens to Satan talk about the others being pains in the butt and the softer things he mentioned...

Satan might just hear the tiniest of sniffles. ]

I thought I was supposed to be cheering you up, Satan.

[ Not being attacked with such loving words he always craved. ]

I'm sure there was prolly a reason I didn't go an' get you, but I'm glad... someone was able to bring you back home.

It's funny because I have no idea what you're talking about.

[ He said it once and he's not going to acknowledge he ever said it. ]

And I don't need to be cheered up. I'm... angry, not sad. But I'm always angry, I guess.

[ And, with a huff, he adds: ]

Asmo and Levi gave up on trying to convince me to come home. In the end, it was Lucifer who came to get me. We... cleared things up, but... I don't think his opinion about me has really changed.

That's Lucifer for ya. He's always gonna see us in a certain light no matter what we do. Like a stubborn ass brother who sees everyone as lil five year olds.

[ Mammon lets out a tiny little huff but as he was about to say more he heard the kettle start whistling. ]

Looks like the water heated. Imma go make our tea, okay?

...Yeah. Thanks.

[ Satan inhales deeply, holds it for a moment, and then lets the breath our sharply. He's surprised with himself. It took a lot of restraint, but he didn't transform. He did, however, beat up a few books... and the wall... and the door.... Ah. ]

What kind are you even making, anyway? I sometimes get surprised when you offer to make tea, but then I remember you're a pro at boiling water.

[ He really did mean that earnestly, but it... probably does come off as insulting. ]

[ That gets an amused laugh out of Mammon. He slowly stands up and reaches out to give Satan a playful hair ruffle. It might annoy him, but he feels like Satan is in a better mindset to deal with brotherly annoyances right now. Then off to the kitchen he goes to start brewing the tea he had. ]

It's a fruity blend that's supposed to make you feel real chill or somethin' like that. It looked pretty good so I traded a couple stupid shiny rocks for it. The guy was absolutely thrilled for the rocks apparently.

I know fruity isn't usually your first go to, but I still think you might like it.

[ Satan groans and reaches to smack Mammon's hand away when he delivers a hair ruffle to him. He huffs, staying where he is for a moment, then decides to stand up and follow Mammon to the kitchen. ]

Shiny rocks? What, are you really a crow in disguise?

Listen, there ain't any money in this place except for the grimm I got. I gotta grab for somethin', don't I?

[ Mammon lets out his own huff as he starts fiddling with the kettle and the tea he was using. He'd blame it on his greed needing an outlet somehow, but honestly he might just be part crow demon or something. ]

Ah, the economy was nice while it lasted....

[ Satan watches Mammon fiddling. ]

You could have just given them your Grimm.

No way! The grimm is special! Santa sent it to me directly, you know.

[ he huffs again, looking a little embarrassed. It was hard to tell if Mammon really believed it, or if he was trying to hide the fact he knew, but either way the grimm was special. ]

You sound awfully proud about that.... Ah, but that's probably because most years he just gives you coal.

Y-yeah well. Jokes on you, I can sell the coal for more grimm.

[ Yep. That was the best comeback he could come up with. Look, he couldn't help it. He wasn't in a fighting mood right now. Instead he finally pours them both a cup of the fruity tasting tea and brings them over to the little table in their kitchen. ]

[ Satan isn't even trying to pick a fight!! In fact, he's so polite that even though he doubts Mammon can actually sell the coal for very much, he doesn't say anything about it and just goes over to the table to take a seat. ]

Thanks for the tea.

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