dreamcrystals | 😾Dream Recording😾

Entry tags:

😾Dream Recording😾

Sender: Satan
To: Everyone
Subject: Passive Dream Recording
Warnings: Discusses the birth of Satan.

Despite being regarded as the most beloved Angel in all the Celestial Realm, Lucifer's sour face doesn't seem to fit with such a title. Bubbling below the surface is a quiet rage that's just barely contained. He'd come to this room for some quiet, hoping to hide within its plain white walls, a room devoid of any any furniture.

Just for a moment. He needs just a moment to bury the anger deep down inside himself.

He doesn't get the moment.

The door opens and an angel steps into the room. The mask they are wearing might be comical, but Lucifer pays it no mind. There is a sense of disconnection, as though Lucifer feels nothing but neutral toward the angel. With a small, sharp inhale, Lucifer puts on a radiant smile.

And so begins the endless parade of angels who come to him to complain.

Mammon isn't doing his job very well. Leviathan hasn't left his room in days. Asmodeus went to another party in the human world. Beelzebub, Belphegor and Lilith all made a trip to the human world again.

The smile never leaves his face as he takes each complaint with all the grace in the world. He'll deal with it. He'll work with Mammon. He'll find a way to get Leviathan to leave his room. He'll lecture Asmodeus on the improperness of attending parties in the human world and, for good measure, he may as well loop the triplets into the lecture as well; better they hear it from him than from Michael.

His expression is positively serene, but with each complaint the anger boils even hotter inside him.

It's stifling, says the voice in his head, and Lucifer agrees. While he understands the concern Michael and his Father have, are he and his siblings not perfectly created as well? Thinking about it makes him even angrier, but the perfectly calm smile never leaves his face.

The words It's stifling paint themselves onto the brilliantly white walls, staining them, but the endless stream of angels who come to launch various complaints at him don't seem to acknowledge the words, just as Lucifer doesn't acknowledge their smiling masks.

Who are they to complain? Have they taken the time to speak with my brothers? With my sister? I was the one who recommended Mammon for the job. Of course he is capable of doing it. Leviathan would leave his room if he weren't so petrified of being thought of as useless. Asmodeus, Beelzebub, Belphegor and Lilith all have a perfectly healthy interest in the human world. Why is it my responsibility to correct their behavior? Are we not perfect beings?

The words write themselves on the wall in a bizarre handwriting that is equal parts elegant and messy the moment Lucifer thinks them.

The scene melts away in a flurry of white feathers. It's either another room or the walls are clean again, but Lucifer is no less angry, and the walls don't remain clean for long.

"I hate this," says Lucifer. Behind him, Satan writes on the wall, I hate this. His form isn't quite corporeal, but just like before, he's able to mark the walls in red.

"How dare he do this. How dare he threaten..."

Satan writes the words on the wall just as before. And, when Lucifer stops, Satan keeps going.

Lilith is my sister. She's our sister. We all love her. All of us. We are perfect beings. What she did was an act of love, not an act of rebellion. He hasn't seen true rebellion. I won't let him damn her to oblivion. I won't let him. I won't let him. I won't let him.

When Satan turns to face Lucifer, his expression is a mirror image of the wrath Lucifer is just barely able to contain.

When the scene melts away a second time, it is in a flurry of black feathers instead. Even though Lucifer had torn his six white wings off, four of them regrew, this time in black. As the scene comes into focus, Lucifer is Falling headfirst, plummeting downward. The rage he feels is absolutely unbearable, so much so that his body is no longer able a suitable host for it. Finally, Lucifer's anger is able to manifest physically, and the form it takes is Satan himself. The two of them Fall together, and for a brief moment, neither of them feel the unending torrent of rage. For a moment, they feel nothing but overwhelming sadness, because in the end, they knew it was all for nothing. They knew that in the end, Lilith would die.

They hit the ground of the Devildom hard, together, and it's so painful that Satan had quite preferred being an intangible consciousness inside of Lucifer in comparison. Despite how hard they hit the ground, they quickly sit up in unison. No longer were they supposedly perfect beings. They were demons, marked by their ram-like horns that mirrored each other. Lucifer kept the angelic form of his wings while Satan instead had a long black tail that remained coiled securely around his leg.

Lucifer takes a moment to fit the black, smiling mask the other angels were wearing on his face while, at the same time while Satan's face remains bare, unmasked and angry. They sit back to back, and Lucifer resolves to protect the rest of his family while Satan cannot even think clearly at all. The only thing he can think about or feel is the thousands of years worth of anger that Lucifer had consistently pushed down again and again until there was no room left.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ For Satan, using magic is fun. It's an expression of self and allows him to do virtually anything he wants. However, he recognizes he is naturally gifted at magic unlike some of his brothers who... struggle. He may have a smug streak, but this is one area where he truly does understand not everyone can hit the ground running. And, more than that, any success with magic Zelda achieves warms his heart. ]

I'm always happy to practice magic with you. So, you're right: I could never say no to such a request.

[ Zelda's intense curiosity does not surprise him in the least, but in a way he wishes she hadn't asked. He debates for a moment, wondering how he should respond. He could throw Mammon under the bus instead, but... he wants to be honest with her. He has admittedly done some very... barbaric things in his past, after all, and he doesn't want to use the excuse of not understanding morals or emotions other than rage. It doesn't change the fact he'd done those things. ]

It varies. Demons are most acquainted with consuming darker souls. After all, we've little reason to go around killing kind hearted humans; they've done nothing wrong. A soul from a human who has committed severe atrocities isn't that enjoyable. It tastes foul, to be quite honest. I don't know what the soul of someone with a good heart would taste like, but I've heard it described as heavenly, and more of a physical sensation than anything.

I hope you don't regret asking that question now that I've answered it, though.

[ Not only does Zelda not regret asking, but Satan's answer has sparked even more questions in her mind. It occurs to Zelda that there's still a lot she doesn't know about demons---their culture, their history, their physiology. It also seems like some of what she knows about Satan, Mammon, and their brothers might be atypical of demons as a whole.

But Zelda is also conscientious of others---and has become so in large part because of her friendship with Link. She's aware that she might be treading into inappropriate territory. ]

No, not at all. As ever, I appreciate your willingness to be forthright with me, Satan. I suspect that my question might have been [ A pause. ] inappropriate. There are some dreamwalkers here that have a poor opinion of demons. I have also not forgotten that you expected me to run screaming from your presence when you introduced yourself as a demon and Avatar of Wrath. I am of the impression that my curiosity towards demonkind, as well as our relationship, would be seen in some other worlds as unseemly.

I will not be swayed from our friendship by the opinions of others, but I recognize that my curiosity may inadvertently land me on an inappropriate line of questioning. I should not like to ask you anything you are uncomfortable answering, so please inform me if I go too far.

I was more worried about your reaction to me admitting that I've consumed souls in the past. It took me a good century or two to get my wrath under control so that I wouldn't resort to violence to get my way.

[ That's not to say he doesn't ever resort to violence, but it's typically only with his family. And, while he knows it doesn't make it right, they're demons, too. No matter what spells he flings at them or how many punches he may throw, they're never in any serious danger. He has come to learn that those who aren't demons are a bit more... fragile. Typically, anyway. ]

I won't deny that asking questions like that to a demon you're not very well acquainted with may not be the best idea, but we're friends. You can ask me anything, and I will gladly answer to the best of my ability.

Besides, the origins of my birth is the only topic I'm uncomfortable discussing, and you're already well aware of it now. That, and the Celestial Realm. I suppose, thinking back on things, I may have given the impression that I was unwilling to share things about myself or my world. But the truth is that I was so interested in learning about you and your world that I never really thought to bring up those things about myself.

[ That, and it's weird to tell Zelda out of nowhere "Hey, so I've eaten souls before." Just as weird as blurting out "So, I was born from Lucifer's anger!" or "Did you know my tail is so sharp that it's dangerous to touch?" At least, Satan thinks it would be weird for him to share those facts out of nowhere. ]

Perhaps when we meet up next time, I'll arrive in my demon form. It is, after all, my natural form.

To be quite honest, Satan, I did not think much of it. Certainly, the knowledge that demons sometimes consume mortal souls is a bit disconcerting to learn, since I am mortal myself, but it is not something that I would condemn. I am not a demon myself, nor do I come from a world with demons in it; It would not be right for me, an outsider, to levy judgment on the nature and/or culture of demons consuming souls. I am confident in my assessment that you are not all animals mindlessly consuming every soul that crosses your path. Perhaps some demons are, but that's just as true of humans. It would be ignorant of me to characterize all of demonkind as "all good" or "all evil," just as it would be for me to say the same of all humans.

It's also difficult for me to imagine what you were like back then. A person wholly, unthinkingly consumed by wrath is so different from the person you are now that, even after this dream, I cannot envision it. I do not doubt that you once were such a person, but you do not seem to be now.

At the very least, I would not describe you as unthinking. [ She grins a little as she writes it. A joke, ladies and gentlemen.

Satan may think it's weird to be sharing these facts about himself out of nowhere, but Zelda is glad to be learning them. She is conscientious of respecting her friends' privacy, but the more time she spends with them, the more she wants to learn about them. And when it comes to Satan, Zelda finds that she wants to know ever detail of his life. ]

Really? You would show me that? [ Her heart briefly stumbles over itself. ] I would quite like that, thank you.

[ Not seen: the hint of pink that comes to her cheeks as she imagines what his demon form might look like. ]

[ While he isn't surprised by her response in particular, it touches him all the same. Even though Zelda has always made it clear that she sees individuals as just that--individuals--it's still reassuring to read the words as they appear in his journal. He remembers the way he expected her to scurry away the second he casually mentioned he was a demon, but she did not. It does worry him that Zelda is correct in that there are plenty of demons who would manipulate Zelda if given the opportunity, but he acknowledges that Zelda is an intelligent woman: she can discern the "good" from the "bad" herself. ]

Even though this body eventually materialized for me, it's difficult for me to even consider myself as a person when I was first born. I really was just an emotion. I was very reactive to everything around me. It may be "un-demon-like," but I am grateful that my family did not abandon me. My birth marked the end of their lives as Angels, the start of their banishment from the Celestial Realm and the death of our sister Lilith. My very existence should be unbearable to them, but, for the most part, they have welcomed me with open arms.

[ Satan knows that ultimately, he is the one who gets inside his own head. It's a difficult behavior for him to stop, though. Sure, he should know that his brothers must love him in some capacity - otherwise they wouldn't call him brother, or even interact with him at all. And yet, he often wonders if it's difficult for his brothers to look at him and not think about everything that happened around the time he was born. ]

My inability to feel things when I first gained a physical form is the reason I eventually grew to enjoy books so much. I can feel emotions now other than anger, thankfully, but when I was just starting out, it infuriated me that my brothers knew so much and I knew so little. It didn't matter that they had already been alive for thousands of years and I was only just born, in a sense.

So, I took up reading and read everything I could get my hands on. It helped me understand the view point of others, and as you know it's a wealth of information. Initially, I was reading so that I had something that my brothers could respect me for, and so that I could make up for the gap in experience between myself and my brothers. Now, though, I enjoy reading for what it is.

[ Mostly. There's still a need to read as much as he can so he can learn as much as he can to be respected by others. Also, Zelda... telling jokes!! ]

I would be glad to show you my demon form, but it's not very different from my usual form. In fact, all it does is add horns and a tail, so don't expect something beastly or ghastly. Try not to be too disappointed.

[ Ironically, Lucifer voiced a similar concern when he met Zelda—implying that she was being manipulated by the demons she called her friends. Though she vehemently defended her friends, the warning has stuck with her and she has endeavored to be more discerning in where she places her trust—with demons and mortals alike. However, she has applied none of that caution to her relationship with Satan (and, by extension, with Mammon).

Zelda muses over Satan's explanation as it appears on the page. What would it be like to feel only one emotion, instinctively, and be unable to comprehend the world around you through any other lens but anger? It's difficult to imagine, but it also sounds... frightening. The world must have been such a new and strange place for Satan to experience for himself for the first time, without things filtering through Lucifer first. And to have only wrath as a way to react...

But there's something else to it than that. ] You know, despite being born from wrath, it sounds to me like you may have also been born with the capacity for empathy. Perhaps you were only capable of feeling and empathizing with anger at first, which would make sense. But to learn the full gamut of emotions through your brothers and through reading— No, not simply to learn them. Learning would imply rote memorization and recitation. You were able to empathize with what you learned to such an extent that that you now authentically experience emotions for yourself. That's simply... remarkable.

[ As someone who grew up struggling to empathize with others, Zelda is amazed by how naturally it comes to Satan. (As most things seem to, from her perspective.) Really, she's just amazed by Satan. It feels like he's trying to describe himself as insufficient or broken compared to his brothers, but all he's managing to do is make Zelda more impressed by him.

Which she suspects might also be the case here, as he tries to downplay his demon form. His words get a little laugh out of her. ]

I shall curb my expectations then, but I'm sure your demon form is as pleasant to look at as your human form.

[ ...Wait. Zelda rereads her words, mortification slowly sinking in. Why did she write it like that? Why did she write that? She can't exactly just cross it out either; he's probably reading her words as they appear, as she is with his. Satan is surely, without a doubt, completely misunderstanding her right now.

After a moment: ] You know what I mean.

I hadn't thought of it as something remarkable, but I suppose I was too focused on trying to "catch up" that I hadn't considered the progress I'd made.

I will deny ever writing these words if anyone ever asks me, but ultimately, I think whatever empathy I've learned is due to Mammon. Lucifer may have spent the most time molding me into who I am, but it was Mammon who taught me to consider the view point of others. He's always been the glue keeping our family together, and he's hyper-sensitive to the wants and needs of others.

Even though I give Mammon a hard time, he's always noticed when I'm feeling upset. I can never get anything by him when it comes to how I really feel about something. I kind of hate it, actually, but it makes me happy that he cares so much. If it weren't for him being so patient with me and teaching me that everyone's past experiences shape their view points, I don't think I would have grown half as much as a person.

As I said, though, I won't acknowledge any of the above ever again.

[ It's difficult not to feel insufficient when he is, in a literal sense, a being that sprang forth from part of Lucifer. If Satan only compared himself to his brothers, he wouldn't feel so bad. But, he's not able to stop himself from measuring his own achievements against Lucifer, and Lucifer bests him at essentially... everything... He has trouble admitting it, but a driving factor of why he tries so hard to keep his anger in check is because Lucifer couldn't. Hence his own birth. ]

Do you enjoy looking at me? Or are you saying my visage doesn't cause you to turn away in abject horror?

[ He's trying to tease her a little. He would be quite pleased if she really meant he was handsome, but he thinks she was just trying to assure him she wouldn't find his demon form monstrous. ]

[ Satan really doesn't give himself enough credit. (Then again, the same could be said if Zelda.) The things he sees as as his shortcomings, Zelda sees as strengths. The fact that he has caught up to and arguably surpassed his brothers in spite of everything is genuinely incredible. ]

I had not realized it before, but you're right. Mammon is surprisingly attuned to the emotions of others. It is not a quality I would have expected from someone of his [ Uh oh, what's a polite way to say 'unintelligent?' ] temperament. I find I can never stay upset about something when I'm with him. He is very dear.

But I promise not to speak a word of this to anyone. You can count on me. [ Probably. There's a non-zero chance that Zelda would pull this out of her pocket to cheer Mammon up if he was ever in another depressive spiral like he was when Satan was comatose for a month.

"Do you enjoy looking at me?" Zelda's cheeks burn as she reads his words. Completely misunderstanding her! How can someone so smart misread her words like that?!

...Or at least, that's what she'd like to write back. But that would actually be kind of a lie. Zelda has noticed how handsome Satan is. The thought creeps unbidden into her mind when they meet. But it wasn't something she ever intended to say anything about; she doesn't want to unsettle her friend just because she finds him attractive. She doesn't want to lie about it, but maybe she can just brush it off before he thinks too much about it. ]

The former, if I am to be honest. [ Good thing this conversation is happening through the journals so Satan can't see Zelda turning bright red as she tries to play it cool. ] But surely you are aware of your own pulchritude. You have undoubtedly seen yourself in a mirror.

Can I really count on you? I'll be quite cross if he ever catches wind that I supposedly tossed a compliment his way. After all, it would just be a rumor. I remember doing no such thing.

[ This is an incredibly weak threat. At worst, he will be annoyed that Zelda dared share that he spoke positively about Mammon, but ultimately, he wouldn't mind that much. Although he gives Mammon a hard time like the rest of his brothers do, he really does take a different approach. While his brothers berate Mammon because he exists, Satan reserves his ire for when Mammon has actually done something wrong, like steal from him. ]

You truly are straightforward. I appreciate your honesty.

[ Unlike Zelda, right now he's lamenting the fact this conversation is over the journals. He'd love to see if she could have delivered that compliment with a straight face. He certainly wouldn't have been able to do the same to her. ]

So, I suppose that makes us even, then.

Of course you can. I wouldn't dream of crossing you, Satan.

[ Ymmv on just how sincere Zelda's reassurance is. It's the written equivalent of crossing her fingers behind her back as she promises she will never ever ever tell Mammon that his brother doesn't loath him with every fiber of his being.

Zelda is bracing herself for more teasing, but when it (apparently) doesn't come, she gives her journal a confused look. ]

"Even?" How so?

Very well.

[ Text communication or otherwise, her "tone" isn't lost on Satan. He knows her well enough--or at least, he thinks he does--to know that she would more or less keep her word, but she would absolutely share it given the right circumstances. ]

Ah, it's because you're "pleasant to look at," too.

[ Using her words makes admitting it a little easier. It's a conflicting feeling because he'd only noticed she was pretty after he realized he'd grown fond of her. He's not exactly sure what that says about him. Maybe he was ignorant? Well, he'd prefer describing it as being more interested in what Zelda had to say and what she thought. ]

[ Ah.

That's what he meant.

The color returns to her cheeks and Zelda is once again thankful to be having this conversation via the journals rather than in person. She clutches her journal in her lap and looks down at Satan's words with a shy little smile. A part of her is wondering if maybe he's just being nice, or maybe he doesn't mean it the same way she does, but a bigger part of her...for once, doesn't really care. Satan is kind and funny and smart and handsome; if he does actually think Zelda is pretty... Well, it feels nice. It makes her happy. It makes the little crush she's been nursing for months feel a bit less silly.

...None of which are things she is prepared to actually admit to Satan, of course. It might feel like there's a rather long pause before Zelda responds as she franticly wracks her brain for the best way to respond to being told that she is 'pleasant to look at.' ]

Ah, thank you.

[ Nailed it. ]

Truly.

[ How do you accept compliments??

Well, when all else fails, awkwardly exit the conversation abruptly. ]

Well, it is quite late. Or perhaps early. I had best try to get a little more sleep before dawn breaks.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

😾Dream Recording😾

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject