Happy Birthday, Dork | Backdated to August 31

[crouching_sin]

Sender: Naoya
To: Everyone
Subject: Birthday boy

My cousin, who recently arrived, has a birthday today. Wishing him a happy birthday is encouraged.

He's 18 now after all. In many places that makes you an adult, Kazuya.

Yes, I know you can see me writing this.

Comments

[belheir]

You're an asshole.

[crouching_sin]

Tell me something I don't know?

[belheir]

I'm going to kill you with my own two hands.

[In fact, he even makes a motion of halfway reaching up with said own two hands, before they drop back to his sides.

Too much effort to kill Naoya right now.]

[crouching_sin]

Uh huh.

[Already tried, Kazuya. At least in his timeline. Or at least beat him pretty badly.]

... I could get you a cake. Or a pie.

[belheir]

What if I just want you to be normal? Just once?

[There's almost a desperate, pleading tone to his voice.]

[crouching_sin]

Isn't this normal? Wishing someone a happy birthday? I'm trying to be a good cousin here.

[belheir]

I don't even know why you're bothering to lie. You could have just said happy birthday to me and left it at that.

[crouching_sin]

When have I ever outright lied to you?

[belheir]

Just because it isn't a lie doesn't mean it's also the whole truth. I know you better than that.

[crouching_sin]

What would I have to gain from this other than watching you squirm?

[belheir]

That's exactly what you have to gain.

[crouching_sin]

So what's the problem?

[belheir]

[He's getting another paper ball thrown at him.]

Stop being weird.

[crouching_sin]

But that's what makes me charming.

[belheir]

As charming as a snake, sure.

[crouching_sin]

[He's about to make a comment about the old legend, but he holds back.]

[Hm.]

Maybe so. But it's amusing.

[belheir]

[please please please do not talk to him about his once upon a time mom. he's still coming to terms with being the first murder victim, and that it was Naoya who bashed his brains in.]

You can get me a cake. I'm not sharing.

[crouching_sin]

[Different legend, but fair enough.]

I wasn't expecting you to.

[belheir]

Good.

[He drops himself right back on that ugly as shit orange couch.]

I want it with cream cheese frosting.

[Since he gets to be specific. He's the birthday boy!

[crouching_sin]

Anything you want written on it?

[He's going to regret this, but oh well.]

[belheir]

[Hm... Hmmm.

It's his birthday, but... He could make a jab at Naoya at the same time. Not that he particularly likes being called Abel...]

Just this once you can write Happy Birthday Abel on it. But if you let anyone else see... I'm going to throw it into your face.

[crouching_sin]

[Well he was going to get help with it but maybe not now.]

... You don't have to humor me on that, you know.

[belheir]

Just this once. Take it or leave it.

[It's his final offer. And the only one he's getting.]

[crouching_sin]

All right, all right. I'll head out and get some ingredients.

[He'll make it himself so no one has to see. If Kazuya insists.]

[belheir]

[A home baked cake from Naoya? Finally, all of the times he's cooked for him are being returned...

Kazuya will wave him off, and will probably just be dozing on that hideous orange couch listening to music when he returns, like a shitty cat.]