Joshua Rosfield (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
empyreancatastrophe) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
dreamcrystals2023-11-24 07:17 pm
empyreancatastrophe) wrote in dreamcrystals2023-11-24 07:17 pm
Entry tags:
01 🔥 [journal entry]
Sender: Joshua
To: Everyone
Subject: Request for Assistance
Esteemed fellow Dreamwalkers,
I extend my heartfelt greetings to all in a moment of personal and restive rumination.
Within the intricate tapestry of our shared experience in this world bolstered by dreams, I find myself weaving a humble thread, seeking solace in the wisdom that resides in the bonds of our community. At this juncture, I pen my thoughts along the parchment of shared understanding, for in unity lies the strength to weather any tempests looming on the horizon, yet to beset us.
As the echoes of battle ring in my memory, it is clear that I cannot delay training, despite my insipidness. To clarify, my aversion stems not from the intention to undermine the value of such a skillset, but from the need to face my diffidence so that I may improve.
I respectfully ask those who are proficient in the physicalities of battle if you would be willing to share insights and advice on the intricacies thereof. In return, I will offer what I can, within reason. I’ve little in tangible possessions, but I am not adverse to providing reciprocal services. For your consideration, I’m adept with the casting of fire magicks, I can perform manual labor, and I can also assist with research. If none of these credentials suffice, I am willing to negotiate other fair compensation for your time and efforts.
Pray accept my deepest gratitude to all who have read my entreaty. As we act as conduits of dreams and magicks, let us fortify our knowledge together.
In camaraderie,
Joshua Rosfield
To: Everyone
Subject: Request for Assistance
Esteemed fellow Dreamwalkers,
I extend my heartfelt greetings to all in a moment of personal and restive rumination.
Within the intricate tapestry of our shared experience in this world bolstered by dreams, I find myself weaving a humble thread, seeking solace in the wisdom that resides in the bonds of our community. At this juncture, I pen my thoughts along the parchment of shared understanding, for in unity lies the strength to weather any tempests looming on the horizon, yet to beset us.
As the echoes of battle ring in my memory, it is clear that I cannot delay training, despite my insipidness. To clarify, my aversion stems not from the intention to undermine the value of such a skillset, but from the need to face my diffidence so that I may improve.
I respectfully ask those who are proficient in the physicalities of battle if you would be willing to share insights and advice on the intricacies thereof. In return, I will offer what I can, within reason. I’ve little in tangible possessions, but I am not adverse to providing reciprocal services. For your consideration, I’m adept with the casting of fire magicks, I can perform manual labor, and I can also assist with research. If none of these credentials suffice, I am willing to negotiate other fair compensation for your time and efforts.
Pray accept my deepest gratitude to all who have read my entreaty. As we act as conduits of dreams and magicks, let us fortify our knowledge together.
In camaraderie,
Joshua Rosfield
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[Sure, it was a platoon of Imperial soldiers, not people on his side, but...]
I... you're a very close friend to me. If I lost you I... I don't know what I'd do.
[He needs someone. Maybe it's selfish, but he feels like he needs someone to hold onto, to use as an anchor.]
[Funny, how he keeps being drawn to those with wings. Joshua's are just (usually) less literal.]
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[Not if Phoenix has anything to say about it, at least.]
[But that doesn't help. So, Joshua thinks on his next words with the hope that they will.]
Something my brother taught me is that anything is possible when approached with the right frame of mind. It's when your resolve falters that tragedy strikes.
As your friend, I trust that you won't allow that to happen. Please trust that I will not allow that to happen, either.
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[Trust... isn't something he has much trouble with. Not with putting faith in others. Himself... he's aware he's half of what he should be. A powerful being, but one that's shaped by the desires of other people. Even now... he's still not sure who he even is, or if it even matters. If he's going to be absorbed...]
[He puts a hand to his chest and closes his eyes. He can feel the horrific empty feeling inside of him where there was once a pull towards a direction. But he's directionless now. ... Directionless with nowhere to go but forward, following his friends.]
I... I don't fully know where the power came from. If I always had it, or... something else. All I know is that it feels -
[He opens his eyes and squints for a moment, trying to recall the word.]
... Unstable? I think that's the word.
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[Joshua brings a hand up to his chin, rubbing at it with his thumb as he muses.]
Stability cannot be attained without a solid foundation. This is true in all matters, even in the realm of magicks.
Part of a Dominant’s ability to prime at will is acceptance of our Eikon. Of who we are. We cannot run from it, we cannot hide from it, and we cannot reject it. To attempt otherwise only leads to chaos.
Tell me, Ryu, what is it that you are rejecting? I speak not of your alternate forms, but of something deeper.
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[But he does know, doesn't he? This fear, deep down in his heart. Because he does have his own will. Whether it's because of the botched summoning or something else, he's not sure. But...]
... I... I guess... myself. I'm half of a whole, but everything I hear about my other half makes me... afraid. He's a ruler. A conqueror. Someone who's been asleep for a long time. And more powerful than me. I... I don't want to meet him. Not yet. Not until I can stand equal to him. Because I don't... want to disappear. But I don't want to rule. I don't want to conquer. I don't want to be strong, I want to be good and helpful and kind.
I don't... know if my other half wants the same. If he doesn't and we meet, he'll have his way. And I don't know what will happen if that happens, but I... don't think it'll be good. For anyone.
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[His tone retains its quiet steadiness when he responds.]
It is the same as when we spoke about the nature of good and evil.
We all make our own decisions. You cannot control what others decide to do, just as they cannot control you. But we can try to influence them for good, provided we are aware they can influence us in return. Alternatively, if the circumstances are dire, we can stop them from causing harm by force.
Your other half may not want the same as you. That isn’t something you can know without meeting him, which I understand is troublesome in its own right, but it is a fact nonetheless. It is inevitable.
If you wish to be able to either stop or convince him when the time comes, then you require that which you actively reject: strength.
Embrace your strength and your power, Ryu, and you will find the foundation you need to wield it for good.
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I... power's such a complicated thing. I know some people use it for good. I know some people... don't. I want to be able to use power for good, but... but if I lose control, then I won't. And I'm afraid of losing control. I'm afraid of... of being what the Empire probably wants to use me as.
A weapon. Just... unthinking. Unfeeling. Just a weapon for them to use, just like that bastard had in his seals.
[Ryu doesn't swear. But it's clear that 'that bastard' is someone who he does truly hate. He's shaking, trying to get his anger under control. There's the feeling of power, like the room pressing in on them. He takes a breath, and... pushes it all aside.]
[His friends wouldn't want this.]
There... mm. I've used the form in dreams a few times. There were some people who showed up in mine, but... I don't know how well that translates. I couldn't control it at all in the dreams. Surrendering to the flow of it... it just sweeps me aside as if I were never there.
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There is surrender, and there is embracing.
To embrace your power is to acknowledge and accept that it is part of who you are. Then, you can let the rest of who you are guide your use of that power instead of allowing it to dominate you.
You desire to be a force for good, and that is no small part of who you are. Your power is in safe hands, as long as you can accept it.
Do you believe that?
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... How do you stop being afraid of yourself? When you've hurt people with it? Maybe they were going to hurt me, but that wasn't a fair fight in the slightest.
I just... I want to embrace it. But how can I accept that I'm capable of such destruction, when all I want is to do good?
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[Here comes the hard part.]
You must also understand and accept that bearing the burden of such power means that hurting people is inevitable.
However paradoxical it sounds, our ability to bring good relies on our ability to be dangerous. To bury or run from that power does not make us better, it only makes it so those who choose to act with ill-intent can do so with less opposition.
Try as we may to avoid it, the time will come when we must bare our fangs at those who will not listen to reason. We owe it to those who would otherwise bear the brunt of their malice.

We also owe it to ourselves to continuously make choices that steer us away from becoming someone who would spread evil.
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... I can only try. I want... I want to live. And I want to make it so others can, too.
[That's all he wants, in the end.]
I want to protect people. I want to make it so what happened in Chek and the Abandoned Village never happen again. ... There might always be people who are cruel, but... I'm not going to let them hurt innocent people.
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[Joshua offers Ryu a soft smile. Encouraging, but not exactly jubilant. There's a lot of work ahead.]
When you are ready to test it, I will be here to help.
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[And all he has to pay Joshua back is tea. He'll... have to think on how to thank the older man.]
I'll do my best. I... I have to be stronger to help others. So... I'll have to learn a lot. But I... I can do it.
[He's pretty sure, at least.]
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[It's part of being a good friend to share that kind of support, but it helps a lot to actually believe what's being said--and Joshua does.]
[Ryu will need practice, though, and that's tricky when other people are around, just in case something does happen.]
However, we should plan how to proceed.
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[He's not sure if he's ever made a plan in his life.]
I don't even know where to start.
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[Strategy. Planning. Same thing!]
Let us start with a place to start practicing.
May I recommend within the realm of dreams?
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I still haven't figured out how to control my dreams... but that seems the safest place to do this.
[Hm... come to think of it, he's not had any prophetic dreams since he got here. Curious.]
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Although I am not entirely capable of controlling every one of my dreams, if I ready myself beforehand, I should be able to create one for us.
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[Because he can see a situation where that absolutely would happen.]
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When you see it fit, I will create a dream for us.
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[He’s weird. He knows he’s weird. He’s not sure how he got to have such good friends, but he’s very grateful.]
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[He means that. All he's known is a life dedicated to others, but that was at a much larger scale. Being able to help a friend is a welcome change--one where he can see his impact personally. Selfish as it is, Joshua can't help but find satisfaction there.]
Now, let us relax for the rest of today. There is much to do in the weeks to come.
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[Joshua's smile is vaguely reminiscent of a cat who didn't quite eat the canary, but came fairly close--and is feeling a little guilty about it.]
Thank you for your concern.
I'll make sure to relax. I promise.
[For today.]
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[That’s what Nina told him, at least.]
… I’m trying to keep myself relaxed, too. I’m trying to read some books, too.
[He points to a small stack on the counter. Most of it looks like pretty basic books about nature or fish, though one of the. books is quite clearly a children’s dictionary..]
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