fathomless emptiness; [Passive Dream Recording]

[amnesiadragon]

Sender: Ryu
To: Everyone
Subject: Passive Dream Recording
Warnings: Existentialism? Otherwise none.


At first, nothing seems wrong. Just a gentle walk through flowers, all pinks and purples and a light blue sky with no clouds. The gently rolling hills betray no real destination, only more flowers and healthy green-yellow grass.

You breathe in and there's a gentle floral scent. You might as well rest, so you take a seat and stare up at the sky. Not at the sun directly though - you've been told not to do that.

Suddenly the air turns... colder. A shadow moves in front of the sun, like the moon eclipsing it. A quick glimpse up reveals something passing in front of it - you can't be sure because the brightness makes you wince and cover your eyes with your hands for a moment. You feel a cold wind sweep past you and you turn towards it as you lower your hands.

The hills in front of you are suddenly covered in frost, the ice racing towards you and your bright flowers. You have to stop it before it reaches you - there's a deep fear of it for some reason. You know that if it reaches you... something awful will happen. You're not totally sure what, but it's got to stop here and now.

You let out a yell, the flowers around you bursting into flame. The fire races across the hills towards the ice, throwing up a wall of steam where the two clash. You struggle, trying to keep the ice at bay... but it's slowly creeping towards you. Through the steam you see a figure, but you can't quite - no, you know. It's him. It has to be, even if you can't make out more than an outline.

The effort of pushing the ice back is exhausting, and you drop to one knee, panting slightly. "No. Leave me - leave me alone! I just want to live!" You just want to live, to continue to be alive... not have to fight to exist like you're afraid you're going to have to do. But the ice moves closer and closer, the air growing colder and colder...

Darkness closes in as the ice reaches you. You feel yourself falling and... not hitting the ground. You open your eyes, but it's just darkness.

Darkness, and the roar of someone in emotional anguish. The roar lingers in your ears as you feel unconsciousness sweep over you once again.

Then?

Nothing.

Comments

Sender: Joshua

[empyreancatastrophe]

[That's one hell of a way to wake up.]

[Despite how fatigued his mind and body have been thanks to helping Clive and Jill with their planning, Joshua manages to hoist himself up in his bed. He keeps his journal on his nightstand, a habit formed to take care of moments such as this one.]

[His quill hovers over the page. Foggy brains make for poor writing, and he needs to approach this particular matter with utmost care.]

[Perhaps simple is best to start. The conversation will flow as it will from there.]

Ryu? Are you awake?

[amnesiadragon]

[It takes a few minutes for Ryu to respond. He bolts upright in his bed and has to get his breathing under control. He heads to the washbasin to splash his face with water, slowly calming down. It was just a dream. Just a dream… it wasn’t a prophecy. It couldn’t have been.]

[… Could it?]

yes im awake

why

[empyreancatastrophe]

I'm unsure if you are aware, but I believe your dream was dispersed throughout the lanterns.

I forgot to remove mine before retiring for the night, and I experienced it as well. Apologies.

[amnesiadragon]

i dont think ive had that happen before

its not yor fault

im the one who should be sorry

[empyreancatastrophe]

I see no reason for you to be sorry, either. Mayhap we can agree that neither of us need to apologize?

[A few moments pass, and Joshua follows up with another message.]

Do you wish to speak about it?

[amnesiadragon]

[The first part doesn't seem like it needs to be responded to, so he doesn't.]

[The second part though...]

most of the dreams i remember are of the future

i dont want this one to be true

[Though it felt less... solid? If dreams can be solid at all, that is.]

[... He doesn't really understand what a metaphor is. Help.]

[empyreancatastrophe]

Have all of your dreams of the future come true? Or have you been able to change their outcome?

[amnesiadragon]

yes

[Wait that's not helpful -]

i havent been able to change their outcome

[empyreancatastrophe]

[Joshua’s next response takes a little while to come through. If Ryu is correct (and why wouldn’t he be? These are his dreams about his life, after all), then they’re dealing with the absolute of prophesy over the malleability of precognition. A messy ordeal all around.]

[But maybe there’s a way to find hope.]

Are all of your dreams of the future?

[amnesiadragon]

in my home world yes all the ones i remember at least



ive had other dreams here but i still worry

[empyreancatastrophe]

If you've had other dreams here, then there is a distinct possibility this is no vision of the future.

Did you happen to go to bed with something on your mind? Or has there been anything weighing particularly heavy on your heart?

[amnesiadragon]

.... yes

the same thing im usually worried about

i cant run away from it joshua and i dont want to

[He hesitates. He doesn't know how to phrase this in a way that's understandable. 'Disappear' isn't the right word. 'Go away' makes him sound like he's continuing to live on. There's... really only one word for it.]

die

[Because the two of them have become separate people, haven't they? And when someone stops existing as their own person, that's dying. ... Isn't it?]

but hes angry and he has to be the one whos destroying things so i have to stop him because its my responsibility because hes also me

but if i meet him even if im stronger when i join with him i wont be ryu anymore

[empyreancatastrophe]

You have every right to not wish to lose yourself. We can try to figure out a way to stop his madness without compromising your life.

The two of you have been existing thus far as separate entities. It may not be necessary to join into one being, regardless of what has been foretold.

[amnesiadragon]

everyone says we have to in order to become a full god

but im ok as i am

sometimes i think being a god is more trouble than its worth

[empyreancatastrophe]

It certainly sounds like it is.

Which begs the question: if you are satisfied with who you are, as you are, then is there any reason to follow through with someone else's plan?

[amnesiadragon]

because im probably the only one who can stop him

and i feel responsible for whatever it is hes doing because hes also me

[empyreancatastrophe]

Is it necessary to become a single entity to stop him?

[amnesiadragon]

i cant stop him without confronting him

and if i get near him one of us will be swallwed up into the others lifestream

[empyreancatastrophe]

Right. I remember you've mentioned that in the past.

I was hoping that the matter allowed for more leeway than originally thought. My apologies.

Although not all the same, I also would like to suggest that mayhap this dream isn't necessarily a prediction of the future. Mayhap it is more a manifestation of the fears that have been roused from their slumber.

[amnesiadragon]

its okay

maybe it is im not sure and i dont know what to do about it

[empyreancatastrophe]

For now, the best course of action is to take a step back.

Your other half is not present. Therefore, there is little reason to despair over the potentials. In the meantime, examining your dream and reflecting on the emotions it brings forth will help you pinpoint whether it is a vision of the future or a vision of what is in your heart.

[amnesiadragon]

[There's a pause and a little bit of ink on the page as Ryu taps his pen, thinking.]

i want to say its not the future even if i dont know for sure

it didnt feel like the other dreams now that im thinking about it and not panicking

and no one else has said that they had the same dream which happens soemtimes when i have visions

[empyreancatastrophe]

Then take heart. Evidence suggests that this is may not be prophecy. Which leads us to the next question:

What do you think your heart is trying to tell you?

[amnesiadragon]

that im scared of losing myself

because its not certain that im going to win against my other half

and one of us has to win i think

[empyreancatastrophe]

You don’t strike me as one who gives in to his fears.

If you want nothing more than to live, and if you have made this decision with conviction, then now it is your responsibility to build and maintain your resolve.

To maintain your sense of self.

[amnesiadragon]

how do i do that?

[empyreancatastrophe]

The best way I can think of off-hand is to build yourself up mentally and emotionally.

Have you been writing at all?

[amnesiadragon]

yes

i usually write down what i did in the day

[empyreancatastrophe]

That's good.

Do you write about your thoughts as well? Your feelings?

[amnesiadragon]

sometimes

if theres something that happened during the day that made me feel strongly about something yes

[empyreancatastrophe]

That is also a good start.

I would suggest trying to write your thoughts and feelings every day until it becomes habit. Then, when you are comfortable, begin writing and do not stop, even to think about what you want to say. Write whatever comes to mind.

You will discover a lot about yourself this way. As you do, you can solidify who it is you're fighting for.

[amnesiadragon]

i can try

feelings are hard to write about a lot of the time

[empyreancatastrophe]

They most certainly can be.

However, that is the reason for the exercise in consistently writing. When you write without stopping, your mind will eventually fill in the lines on your page with the feelings you have but cannot grasp.

I encourage you to try it.

[amnesiadragon]

ill try

thank you joshua

for being here for me

[empyreancatastrophe]

Of course.

If I may quote someone very important to me, "That's what family and friends do, right?"

[amnesiadragon]

true

but its still special to me



i think im going to try to sleep some more

[empyreancatastrophe]

That sounds like a good idea.

Rest well, little brother.

[amnesiadragon]

♥