Entry 001

[chippedsoul]

Sender: Kazuma Asogi
To: Everyone
Subject: Apology

A few days ago, a coward led some people uninvolved in the situation to confront me in the forest, despite being aware of how dangerous that was. I would like to take this moment to apologize to those that I've caused harm to. It was not my intent and that outburst won't happen again.

Locked To: Castmates Only
If you're worried I will come after the Prosecutor again, don't be. I have questions that need answers, not from that man.

Locked To: Soldier: 76
76. How are you doing? And are you available to meet?

Comments

[chippedsoul]

[His hair is going to stay a mess forever at this rate, even as he tries to fix it.] Just don't pick another fight before then.

[He may push him harder if he does. He'll onto the moonshine for a bit, staring at the fire, looking pensive.] I should be, but... [If those clawed toes were any obvious indication of the problem.]

It's been so long since I've seen anyone from home, been home. A lot has happened, here and back in my world. Things that they've experienced that I haven't yet. [He hangs his head.] It's hard for me to face my friends, knowing I've spilt blood with my own hands. I've probably slipped away from the Kazuma Asogi they know. [Sure, he wasn't in control, but Hyde is admittedly still a part of him. And he let that side of him run wild for too long.]

[steadypulse]

I'll try. Can't much promise things when it comes to Reaper, but I'll still make the attempt.

[At last Kazuma knew that someone might be trying to find him now, and not for good reasons. Not when it came to Reyes these days. 76 knew the man well, but the both of them had changed when things fell apart, and not for the better. Not to mention what other world the ass had been in, too.

He listened, eyes still on the fire for a moment, letting a bit of silent hang. Not uncomfortable, but to let the thoughts and words sink in a bit.]

It's harder to sit with yourself, knowing things you do and others don't- that you aren't sure you even want them to know. [Jack tilted his head them, all the better to look at Kazuma.] I've been avoiding everyone who ever knew me back home, letting them all think I'm dead, even if that coffin they buried is empty. Why I just go by 76, or Soldier. I'm not the man any of them remember, and never will be again.

If anyone ever showed up here? I'd keep hiding, because I don't want to see that look in their eyes when I'm not who they think I should be. [Rather be a stranger, a vigilante known only as Soldier: 76.] I think you're strong enough, even if you doubt it, to face them as who you are. Might not like it, but they care about you, don't they.

[chippedsoul]

...Hah. [He didn't mean to let out a laugh, but when 76 mentioned he let others think he was dead, it reminded him of his conversation with a famous detective. About how he led his own friends to think he was dead after that incident on the ship. For his own protection, inevitably leading him to lose what he cannot get back anymore.

But he's right...to say that they do care about him. They clearly still support him after whatever happened back home. But that's not what he chooses to focus on at this moment.] . . .If that's the case, isn't that same for anyone you left behind as well?

[steadypulse]

[It would have killed him if he was a normal man, but something had made sure he survived it. Sometimes he wasn't sure it was purely whatever was still pumping through him from SEP or not, and then he just moved on.

Fingers flexed a little, glancing down over the blackened skin and claws.]

Majority want a man that is dead, because I can never be that again. A soldier turned in to a golden boy leader and used to promote hope for a better future, politics and egos fear mongering when they started to worry that the change being made would take away their power, and in my death they made me a martyr to feel better about themselves after they got the whole world demanding my head on a silver plate. [He was up there, and he'd given up everything to do what he thought was right. To protect the people he cared for, and push the boundaries so some real good could be done. Get science and the medical field going further to do some real good.]

I gave up a lot of myself to be that person they wanted me to be, and there's nothing left to keep it up. [Downed the rest of that tea, cup set down even after the wince at the taste-] Only person I can think of already knows I'm not dead, and we've been working together.

[chippedsoul]

[He takes in some air, leaning back slightly.] So the world turned against you when they realized they couldn't face change themselves. I think you're stronger than what you make yourself believe.

[He couldn't help having a small grin on his face. This all just seems familiar and yet not. Quite amusing really.] There was a part of you I'm sure, that really wanted to bring hope, otherwise why would you have gone as far as you did? Me...I only became the honor student, the pride of my university out of a personal desire to avenge my father. It didn't matter to me how I achieved it, just as long as it got me there. Even accepted an assassination request that was forced onto me.

[His hand rests on the hilt of his katana.] I said to myself I'd never actually go through with it, but when I was finally confronted with what I had been after for so long...well, you've seen for yourself how that went. [It's hard for him to see himself as strong, when there's evidence of him faltering in the past. Lost control.] My friends have only known me as the lie I played out.

[steadypulse]

Had a way of getting people to see the change they could make, given the right tools and environment. People behind them. [Didn't think he had that anymore given the tone.] I... wanted people to see they could be their best, gave them that freedom the best I could.

Wanted to turn a group formed to fight a war in to something that funded and promoted medical field advancements, furthered scientific research. Actually helped people rather than governments. I made myself in to what I felt I needed to be to get that funding for them all- all over the world. Made allies, and I think certain leaders started to fear how good I was at that. [That he was more powerful, and maybe they were right for the wrong reasons.] I gave up all of myself, my wants, for everyone else.

It still wasn't enough for some, even in the very end. [Better off staying dead, and finish what he started once he got his feet under him. Jack leaned back, fingers moving back through his own hair, head tilted back.]

Seems like they still want to stick by you, all the same. Natural to be afraid of that realization, I think. Of disappointing, not meeting expectations.

[chippedsoul]

[He glances at him as he opens himself about his past. He looks at his own hand for a moment, thinking. Eventually, the hand will come up and rest on the old soldier's shoulder.]

For what it's worth, you're helping me. [Compare to everything he's done in the past, it probably doesn't mean much. But he knows how nice it feels, to have just one person in your corner. That it wasn't all a complete waste.]

...But you're right. It'll just take some time, before I'm ready to tell them everything else.

[steadypulse]

[A breath escaped Jack at the contact, but it wasn't shrugged off- rather a hand rested over Kazuma's with a light squeeze. It was appreciated honestly, the words and knowledge.

All he could manage these days, felt like.] Going to keep having that help, long as I can manage it.

You take that at your own pace, and I'll be here to listen whenever you need it. Alright?

[chippedsoul]

[He bows his head.] I offer the same to you. [He glances down at the moonshine he had picked up.

. . .

It's spared for today, but he's not going to tell 76 what he had planned with it.]

[steadypulse]

[All these reasons that had him drinking, self medicating with one of the very few things that cut straight through his bullshit system of super soldier enhancement.

Could have been worse?]

Still, you are stronger than you think. Reason I know that I can count on that offer.

[A good idea not to- probably.]