dreamcrystals | journal 🔶 psa from a former fairy

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journal 🔶 psa from a former fairy

[Ferran isn't unaware of how these journals work, but he's still working out what pages are "public" and which are for his own private use.

Thus, one evening, a sketch of a building slowly comes together, distinguished by its tall stone towers, walls topped with battlements, wrought iron fences, and a large courtyard. The artist pays special attention to the detailing in the texture, making it easy to imagine what materials the imposing place might be made of. To those familiar with the city of Aefenglom, it's clearly a representation of the Coven.

After he's done, he writes in neat print:]

Don't trust the Fae. Whatever else I've forgotten, I know that much.

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[Having already admitted some of his secrets to the man most likely to use them against him, Ferran's reaction to anyone else learning of them would be more tired than distressed, at this point. Yeah, sure. Why not tell the whole world?

Still, he'd be sympathetic to the idea. It's not easy to be so vulnerable.]

Sure, there are a lot of ways it could still be secret, but I'm sure there are a few people who'd stick their noses in regardless of how much denial they heard.

[He used to be one of those types, himself... and maybe in some ways he still is.]

It's just a hypothetical, anyway. We can hope that it stays that way.

[ Candid though Naminé tries to be, she's not foolish enough to think that there wouldn't be some well-justified discomfort for all parties involved if some of the details of the past were leaked to those related to them. Nevermind the safety concerns, considering her extensive work on Sora's memories - honestly, the poor girl's probably going to spend a couple hours tossing and turning when she tries to sleep tonight just thinking about all the possibilities. ]

You're probably right.
People who care that much can be pretty stubborn.

[ And she could name a few of them off right now. She might even be included on such a list - although she'd be quieter about it than some of the more heroic types. ]

Sure. We can hope.

[ She'd hoped for as much before, and will continue to do so, even if she's never been confident in the notion that such a place as this won't pull in some malicious individuals now and again. In any case, a beat passes, and then she writes, ]

I'm sorry I couldn't be more help.

[ Other than providing some advice, that is; maybe that's more than she thinks it is, but when she's so used to being able to delve into problems with memories more directly, she feels oddly helpless now. ]

[The apology catches him off guard a little; for one, he hadn't intended to bring up his memory issues publicly in the first place, even if he saw no reason to hide them. At least now he has the sense to keep himself from writing anything sensitive in these journals at all...]

Don't worry about it. It's something I kind of wanted to work out for myself for now, anyway. Thank you for the thought, though.

[Maybe sometime he'll try to reach out about the issue, but for now, he just wants to adjust to whatever this place is... and making his own decisions again.]

[ Habit though it's become to dig into the heart of other people's troubles, Naminé isn't unable to recognize that not everyone is willing to accept a stranger's assistance. ]

I understand. After all, it does sound pretty personal.
There are just some things that you have to do on your own.

[ Unless one happens to lack the ability to handle it on one's own... but she can't claim to be certain of having that power herself in this context, either, so perhaps it's better not to think too far ahead.

A pause of some length passes, and then - a few lines start coming together on the page. This time they form a picture instead of words, a simple, stylized little drawing of a girl with her hair over one shoulder, her eyes closed. She doesn't waste time with details, but the general shape would probably be recognizable, if he were to spot Naminé in person. ]

This is me.
I'm not sure I'll be able to help in the future either, but if you see me, at least you'll know that we've met before.

[ Perhaps she mightn't make such an effort if his situation weren't so familiar to her, but-- considering the context, it just wouldn't feel right not to at least leave him her business card, as it were. ]

[Most of his problems, he knows he can't deal with on his own—but those are the ones he doesn't think are fixable in any meaningful way, anyway. This, though... if he does eventually hit a wall, he won't hesitate much to ask for help. Friends are too important to forget, no matter how much of a mess he might be.

Next to her drawing, Ferran sketches out a similar doodle of himself, patting the girl on the head with a neutral expression.]

Nice to meet you, then. I'm sure we'll run into each other at some point.

[ Well-acquainted with the trouble missing memories can bring, Naminé might say the same; friends really are too important to forget.

Leaning in slightly to watch the drawing take shape, Naminé's not prepared for the gesture included in it. Her brows jump, and presently the corners of her mouth follow suit. Sweet, neutral expression or not. ]

It was nice to meet you, too.
And you're right. Even a dream world like this one seems like it can be pretty small.

[ She means, after that, to sign off and let him have some time to think about all of this, but... her eyes linger on the artwork a moment, and then, ]

I like your drawing, by the way.
The one of the castle.

[ Or something that looks generally like a castle to her. ]

Thank you.

[It does look like a castle, honestly. Even if the idea of calling it as much feels strange to him. Soon enough he'll learn it was called the Coven, but for now it remains a mystery.]

I figured putting it on paper might help me remember something nice. And it's the kind of thing I used to do for fun.

[ Rare as it is for her to meet someone else artistically inclined, Naminé can't help feeling a little flicker of excitement at the idea. Then her eyes go back a few words, find that, 'used to,' and curiosity replaces some part of her gladness. ]

You don't do it anymore?

[ Not that it's any of her business, but the idea seems like a shame, somehow. Which is pretty ironic considering she's mostly kept drawing out of habit, but-- ]

It seems like you're still good at it.

[ There's a trailing question there that she doesn't write out; if he did stop, then why? ]

[Ferran has already put his quill to paper by the time he realizes how utterly depressing the true answer is. But the thought makes him pause and lift it again, not wanting to drag down the conversation any further than it already has been... or more than it has to be.]

I guess I just haven't had the time for it in a while. Until now.

[It's vaguely honest, for a given definition of time. But saying that he's been hardly more than brain dead when not being used as a weapon just seems... unnecessary.]

[ Watching for the answer, Naminé doesn't miss the odd pause after she expects to see words starting to form on the page. She's done that a couple of times herself since she started using the journal, and for that very reason, she elects not to ask about it. Whatever else he had in mind is his business, no matter her tendency to pry; she'll take this at face value (with only a small notation in the archive of her memory). ]

I'm sorry to hear that.
If you missed it, that is.

[ And maybe even if he didn't. ]

But you're right. Things seem like they'll be pretty different for all of us from now on.
Maybe even better.

[ 'Better', here, is code for, 'real and not actually a super convoluted trap.' That's honestly about as much as she's asking for out of this place.

Naminé does not have high standards. ]

[Well, as sad as this next truth is, it's not nearly as depressing as the previous one, especially since he has the opportunity now.]

I did.

[Pretty different is a huge understatement, when it comes to his situation. He'd like to take advantage of that in some small way, even if it might not last.]

I hope so.

[His standards aren't that high, either.]

Then I'm glad.

[ -- Ah, wait. That didn't sound quite right, did it? Hurriedly, Naminé adds another line. ]

That you finally have the chance to do it again.

[ Whatever else might be going on, at least there's that. On the matter of hoping, there's something almost wistful about the pause before her, ]

Me too.

[ Since she's already put the poor fellow through the wringer with all her inquiries, she allows herself only one brief exhale prior to writing again. ]

Whatever happens, I wish you luck.

[ That's something close to a goodbye, isn't it? It's still a little strange for her, working out the ways to be polite in this journal-thing. (She refrains from apologizing for prying this time; might be better not to bring it up, even if she's belatedly sheepish about it.) ]

Thanks.

[He got what she meant, even without the clarification, and he's grateful for the thought either way. In response to her apparent parting remark, he adds his own goodbye of sorts:]

Let's talk again sometime.

[ Hard though it is to determine someone's tone through text alone, Naminé finds some comfort in the written gratitude regardless. And she hadn't known whether to suggest some certainty about speaking another time in the future, so she perks up to see that he's taken that step himself. ]

Sure. I'd like that.

[ Really, she would. It's still such a pleasant and unfamiliar sensation, managing to get along with someone new. ]

Until later, then.

[ That went better than expected. ]

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journal 🔶 psa from a former fairy

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