backdated pre-dream

[legbreakings]

Sender: Jiang Cheng
To: Everyone
Subject: WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF THIS

I have been very patient with these ridiculous clothes we have been forced into! They are terrible and constricting for doing anything in them and they are even more uncomfortable for sleeping, but I have been patient!

But every time I destroy one, it has been replaced with something WORSE

This one has LIGHTS and IT SINGS WHEN YOU TOUCH THE BELLY!

How do I make this stop?

[ There is a helpful picture attached to his complaint, though it is a little blurry and wobbly in places as he struggled to properly visualize onto the page the atrocity he saw in the mirror. It gets the point across anyway. This is a Christmas sweater depicting a jolly reindeer whose antlers are decorated with Christmas lights. As in, there are actual lights attached to the sweater. ]

Comments

[soups]

He wasn't evil! I think perhaps he had a personality you didn't get along with immediately. You would have warmed up to one another eventually.

Not to mention he was a great help around the house.

[legbreakings]

He was a DUCK!!!

How was HE a great help around the house?!

[ Outrage! Betrayal! ]

[soups]

He kept snakes away, helped with the dishes. He was the guard of lotus pier!

Not to mention talking with him helped to pass the time.

❰ jc are you really so threatened by a duck????? ❱

[legbreakings]

[ Yes, yes, he is. A duck is far from the least thing to have threatened his fragile pride. ]

I would have kept snakes away if you had told me to!

[ Outurage! Betrayal! Volume 2 ]

[soups]

I would have, in hindsight. I simply didn't know you were so passionate about snakes, A-Cheng.

❰ the chance she's robbed him of this high honor...please take her sincere apologies. ❱

[legbreakings]

[ !!!

GRMPFL!!! ]

Well you never ASKED if I wanted to be hunting snakes! You just entrusted it to him!

[ Does he notice he is being teased? Clearly not. ]

[soups]

If you feel as if I do not give you enough value or responsibility, A-Cheng, I do believe that I could come up with some list of chores and duties to entrust you with — if that would make you feel at all better?

❰ i mean that sounds like what he's asking for??? ❱

[legbreakings]

[ Had he been wanting new chores? Most certainly not, but this is how fools rush into trouble: headlessly, while trying to outperform a literal duck. ]

I can help you! Just tell me what to do and I'll do it well! You'll see! I'm good at household chores!

[ Said nobody ever, maybe, but he is at least passably enthusiastic. ]

[soups]

I was looking into how I could best clear the leaves and debris from the roof, as well as see if that ladybug has knocked anything loose. It's quite a hard job but I can't think of someone who would be better at it. And so reliable!

[legbreakings]

Uh. Does that mean having to climb onto the roof?

Where your possibly rabid bug monster, knowing my luck with animals ladybug friend lives? I don't know if she would like me going up there. It's her territory.

[soups]

I don't know if that's where they live, but they do spend quite some time up there. It's just that after the freezing weather, we must make sure that our house is in good condition.

Though I can always come up with another task to entrust you with, if you don't think this one is suited to you.

[legbreakings]

No no no I can do it, I won't disappoint you! It can't be that hard, right? The bug is probably peaceful. I probably won't even get mauled. Much.

[ Can ladybugs maul people? Do they have teeth? Mandibles? Anything? He doesn't know but looks like his tender, juicy parts are about to find out. ]

[soups]

They've never personally hurt me at all. They've tipped me over a time or two, but I'm sure it wasn't intentional.

Ah, but in that case. Perhaps we shouldn't do much work close to the edges.

❰ in the off chance the ladybug IS homicidal. ❱

[legbreakings]

[ He does have a track record of animals yeeting him to his death... ]

Yes, I wouldn't want to be knocked over near the edge. I don't have good experiences with territorial animals and edges. Maybe I'll bribe them with food. That should work. All slovenly animals can be bribed with food, even Wei Wuxian.

[soups]

They're especially amenable to food. Perhaps some could be thrown down into the house while you work. You wouldn't be disturbed, that way.

But speaking of which, are you to say you wouldn't also be enticed if I were to offer you food as recompense?

❰ aka pot, kettle, black, etc. ❱

[legbreakings]

[ But it's different when he is doing it! Completely different! ]

Are you telling me there will be food for working on the roof?

Why didn't you say so right away. That changes things. Not that I wouldn't do it anyway! Because I would.

[soups]

Of course. I wouldn't expect you to exert so much energy and not get fed afterwards.

Though it does make me wonder what would change if it wasn't the case...

for lack of a nervous laughter icon

[legbreakings]

[ Uuuuuhhhh...

Squirming. ]

Nothing! Nothing would change! I would still be doing the chores you assign me. I did say I want to prove myself by taking on more chores. [ Well, he kinda stumbled into accidentally volunteering, maybe, but still. ] So I would be doing that even without food. But food is always an incentive. And I'll be hungry after all that hard work.

[ Too bad he has outgrown the "I'm a growing boy" routine. Adulthood ruins everything. ]

[soups]

❰ lol @ jiang cheng backpedaling into the abyss ❱

I'm glad to hear that. In that case, feel free to make special requests now so that you receive exactly what you request after the job is complete.

[legbreakings]

[ SUSPICION. But also. The temptation of food. ]

Are you sure you won't mind? I shouldn't be making extra work for you.

[soups]

I only offer what I'm comfortable giving, A-Cheng. I think cleaning off the roof is more than enough of a chore to receive a special request.

[legbreakings]

Well, if you are asking like that... Steamed fish cakes! I think we should be able to get all the ingredients for these here. And yours are the best. Do you think we could get lotus here, too?

[soups]

Steamed fish cake should be easy, as long as I can find some fish that aren't made of a strange candy substance. I'm not sure how that would come out in a fish cake.

I haven't happened upon lotus, outside of the few seeds that came with me. I haven't used them in any dishes yet so I can find a good place to grow and cultivate them. The perfect spot just hasn't revealed itself yet.

[legbreakings]

Our own lotus pond! That would be wonderful! I'll look for a nice spot, too, and if there is no other way we could dig our own pond once the weather is warmer.

I hadn't considered the problem of candy fish. I don't think I'd want to eat candy fish fish cakes, that sounds disgusting.

Maybe we could grow real fish in the lotus pond, too?

[soups]

Yes, the snow puts a damper on things. But I can hope that the seasons work here as they do elsewhere, which spring shall be upon us soon.

I will say I've grown lotus all my life, but I don't know how I would grow a real fish from simply the water itself. Maybe if they exist at all, we can start to breed them in the pond if they take to it well. Otherwise, we may have to develop a taste for sweet things.