Journal 📚 Cats & Volunteers 🐈

[angelbirth]

Sender: Satan
To: Everyone
Subject: Cats & Volunteers

[ In a handwriting that balances on a fine line between neat and messy, the following is written: ]

Hello.

I have two distinctly separate requests, and I urge you to remember that these are separate when you read this.

Firstly, I am looking for a cat. One with a particularly charming button nose, splendid toe beans, and a mewl that could pawsitively melt any heart. While I understand that describes virtually all felines, I thought I'd see if anyone had seen such a cat around.

Secondly—and separately—I am looking for volunteers to participate in a research study. An exceptional candidate would be sturdy and healthy, even better if the candidate has experience overcoming various poisons and toxins. There are risks, such as loss of life, but ideally my research and my own magic-slash-dreamotion energy would prevent death. So ultimately, the risk is minimal. Most likely. Please let me know if you'd be willing to volunteer.

Comments

Sender: Zhao

[seemagicshit]

HAIL SATAN

No seriously, why studying poisons? You branching out into a career or some shit?

[angelbirth]

It's Mr. Your-Name-Is-Metal himself.

[ He won't lie, though. He appreciates the sentiment regardless of whether or not Zhao was serious! ]

In order to understand antidotes, you need to understand the poison they're meant to cure. In general. I guess you could get by with only half-understanding it if you're some kind of prodigy.

[ Satan is reminded that apples are often used as a vessel for poisons in human fantasy stories. Apples... apple pie... ZHAO. ]

Willing to volunteer? Or know someone who might be a good fit?

[seemagicshit]

Do I have to chug them and you hopefully cure me? That how it work?

Also, I just finished your pie so if you want to pick it up...

Sender: Alastor

[lonelysmiles]

Experimenting with poisons? My, my, somebody's picked up quite the intriguing new hobby. If you'd like, I could let others know during my broadcast this Saturday that you're looking for volunteers.

As for the cat, you'll need to be a bit more specific on the details. All my fishing has led to me gaining quite a few new non-shadowy friends.

[angelbirth]

It's not so much a new hobby as one I've picked up again a few months ago. It was actually part of RAD's curriculum back home. I certainly wouldn't turn down advertisement if it were free, but knowing you, I'm sure there are strings attached. I'd like to hear your terms before I agree to anything.

For the cat, I'm not looking for a lost cat, or a particular cat. I'm looking for a cat for me, to keep. Perhaps I should have specified that because I would hate for someone to bring me a stray cat they found that wasn't really a stray....

[lonelysmiles]

Interesting curriculum. Sounds like a school I would've enjoyed.

Your suspicions of my generosity aren't completely unfounded, but I assure you the only "string" in this case is that you write something that's clear and thorough. Or perhaps you could sit down with me to answer the most likely questions our listeners would have regarding your little project. Clear up any potential concerns without having to repeat yourself endlessly. Possibly net a few more volunteers in the process!

As for the cat, why didn't you just say so? Grab a fishing pole, head down to the river, and start catching fish. You'll have a swarm of them in no time!

[And you tossing some of the fish to the cats had nothing to do with the swarm, right, Alastor?]

Sender: Mammon

[stupidmammon]

Ya know you ain't gotta be all secretive about the cat thing, Satan. it's not like Imma tell you no

An what do you mean you wanna work with poisons???

[angelbirth]

I wasn't being secretive. In fact, I thought I was being quite clear about what my intentions were. So, what about my questions made you think I was asking for your permission?

Anyway, I'm really working with antidotes, but in order to test them I need to administer a poison first. Which reminds me, I should say thank you for being such a great participant. The only problem is that you're way too strong for me to actually tell if my antidotes are working or if you're just shrugging the poison off.

1/2

[stupidmammon]

I never said you needed my permission! In fact I was trying to

2/2

[stupidmammon]

What dO YOU MEAN I'M TOO STRONG FOR 'EM?!

Sender: Zelda

[multidisciplinary]

You are developing toxins? To what end?

[ Too bad he can't hear her, because there's no judgement in her words. She's genuinely just curious what Satan is working on. ]

[angelbirth]

Understanding the structure of various poisons and toxins is important in order to understand how to remedy them. Even if such an ailment was magically induced, you still need to know the structure of the spell that caused it to undo it.

Although, truth be told, I find both concepts fascinating: knowing there are plants that can annihilate any living thing that eats it and knowing exactly how to create something to counteract that annihilation. The knowledge itself is exhilarating.

[ He finds no judgment in her text, although he hopes she's not interested in participating. He has a great deal of confidence in his own abilities, but he's too fond of Zelda to want to put her at risk. He could fail, after all. ]

[multidisciplinary]

[ Don't worry, Satan. She's not going to volunteer as a test subject. ]

Those are very good points! I had not considered developing a poison in order to also develop an antidote. I've been trying to develop remedies for hayfever, but the results have been [ A pause. ] mixed at best.

You will let me observe your trials once you find a willing candidate, won't you?

sender: REN AMAMIYA

[masqueraid]

Aside from my experience with cats you're already familiar with...

Well, this might sound coincidental, but I just so happen to have exposure to this exact field of study. Maybe I'd be able to help? Depending on what the end result is for...

[angelbirth]

I can't help but feel concern that you're already familiar with this line of work. I'd be grateful for your help as that leaves little doubt as to whether you'd be able to handle it. However, it also leaves me curious as to what kind of research studies you've undergone.

The purpose of my research is to develop a potent antidote. My current research subject is a little too strong, so I can't quite tell if my antidotes are working or if he's just shrugging them off.

Sadly, the best way to test an antidote is to test it on a poisoned individual. So far, it's been nothing but success, but again, my research subject is very sturdy.

[masqueraid]

They were... medical studies. Of sorts.
Off the books stuff, but. For a good cause. A doctor ran the clinical trials. Sometimes there were side effects I could handle other times, well...
You said your dreamotion could help too, right?

( perhaps no one young man should have this much guts... )

If it's for an antidote then I think I might be able to lend a hand. Or a stomach.
It's not... going to be spicy like the last time I took something from you though, is it?

( it's not that ren can't take it, he just wants to be prepared, that's all. )

Sender: Emet-Selch

[recreator]

What manner of poisons did you say you were studying again?

I'd imagine most would prefer some preliminary information before volunteering themselves for your research. Especially when one considers the vast range of potential reactions observed from being introduced to toxins of any kind.

I would also presume these are all sourced from Reverein and the lands that currently surround us?

[angelbirth]

Of course. I'm happy to share any information you need.

You are correct. The various poisons I've prepared are all made from the local flora, although I've also tried mixing in some magic and dreamotion energy to see what types of different results I'd get, especially with regards to the potency of the poison.

Ultimately, my goal is to produce a strong antidote that will cure an individual of any manner of poison and toxins. However, my current research subject is much too strong and, as such, I've begun to cast doubt upon the effectiveness of any antidote I create.

I need sturdy subjects who will survive minor poisonings even if my antidote fails. Obviously, I would do my best to prevent death should my antidote fail.

Sender: Merisia

[likescaves]

That's a tall ask for a volunteer position. Do you really expect people to cooperate with that for little to no return?

[angelbirth]

It's not really for my benefit since it's unlikely any poisons or toxins I come across here would hurt me. However, humans and other human-like beings are generally fragile and so my work would benefit them.

But yes, ultimately I understand that I'm asking for a lot. The problem is that the person I've been testing it on is too strong so I can't tell if my antidotes are actually working, and trying it out on myself would probably yield the same results.

If I could get valid results using myself or my brother, I would keep doing that.

[likescaves]

So you want someone to risk their lives for your little experiment, then. I've had safer excursions in heavily guarded Amalj'aa territory.

[ That had been a hell of a job. Even though she was only technically alone-

...wait a minute. ]

Are you specifically looking for human subjects, or would you be willing to consider an alternative?

Sender: Tenn

[perfectenn]

[ ... Well this isn't awkward at all. And reading those requests together - regardless of instructions - this former bakeneko has valid reason for concern. But, time to cover up that worry with criticism! ]

No one can help you if you describe every cat and cat-like creature in the town.

Re: Sender: Tenn

[angelbirth]

I was hoping that by by giving a generalized description that people would be more willing to bring cats to me, even if I couldn't keep them. If it meant just brief visit, that would be nice, honestly.

I was scolded quite harshly, and unfairly I might add, the last time I brought cats home, so I figured that if other people brought them to me, then it would help me keep the situation under control.

[ That, and he could very clearly argue that he had not in fact filled his house with cats -- other people had done it! Sort of! ]

[mysophobic]

You're...working with poisons?! That sounds really dangerous and you should really have a medical professional around to supervise?!

[ This is not safe at all!!! ]

I can't be poisoned so I doubt I would be useful, but I can help use my powers to purge toxins from people...should anyone actually want to sign up.

[angelbirth]

It is dangerous, but eventually all research has to move on to human subjects. It's not as though my antidotes are untested -- rather, my current research subject hardly responds to poisons so it's difficult to test their effectiveness.

[ His current research subject wasn't even a knowing research participant, whoops. ]

Poisons don't affect you? Truly? Well, if you'd be willing to be on the other side of the research, I'd be happy to have additional help in case my magic and antidotes fail. I don't really have much to compensate you with, though.