Satan, Avatar of Wrath (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
angelbirth) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
dreamcrystals2022-04-26 06:52 pm
angelbirth) wrote in dreamcrystals2022-04-26 06:52 pm
Entry tags:
Journal 📚 Cats & Volunteers 🐈
Sender: Satan
To: Everyone
Subject: Cats & Volunteers
[ In a handwriting that balances on a fine line between neat and messy, the following is written: ]
Hello.
I have two distinctly separate requests, and I urge you to remember that these are separate when you read this.
Firstly, I am looking for a cat. One with a particularly charming button nose, splendid toe beans, and a mewl that could pawsitively melt any heart. While I understand that describes virtually all felines, I thought I'd see if anyone had seen such a cat around.
Secondly—and separately—I am looking for volunteers to participate in a research study. An exceptional candidate would be sturdy and healthy, even better if the candidate has experience overcoming various poisons and toxins. There are risks, such as loss of life, but ideally my research and my own magic-slash-dreamotion energy would prevent death. So ultimately, the risk is minimal. Most likely. Please let me know if you'd be willing to volunteer.
To: Everyone
Subject: Cats & Volunteers
[ In a handwriting that balances on a fine line between neat and messy, the following is written: ]
Hello.
I have two distinctly separate requests, and I urge you to remember that these are separate when you read this.
Firstly, I am looking for a cat. One with a particularly charming button nose, splendid toe beans, and a mewl that could pawsitively melt any heart. While I understand that describes virtually all felines, I thought I'd see if anyone had seen such a cat around.
Secondly—and separately—I am looking for volunteers to participate in a research study. An exceptional candidate would be sturdy and healthy, even better if the candidate has experience overcoming various poisons and toxins. There are risks, such as loss of life, but ideally my research and my own magic-slash-dreamotion energy would prevent death. So ultimately, the risk is minimal. Most likely. Please let me know if you'd be willing to volunteer.
no subject
For the cat, I'm not looking for a lost cat, or a particular cat. I'm looking for a cat for me, to keep. Perhaps I should have specified that because I would hate for someone to bring me a stray cat they found that wasn't really a stray....
no subject
Your suspicions of my generosity aren't completely unfounded, but I assure you the only "string" in this case is that you write something that's clear and thorough. Or perhaps you could sit down with me to answer the most likely questions our listeners would have regarding your little project. Clear up any potential concerns without having to repeat yourself endlessly. Possibly net a few more volunteers in the process!
As for the cat, why didn't you just say so? Grab a fishing pole, head down to the river, and start catching fish. You'll have a swarm of them in no time!
[And you tossing some of the fish to the cats had nothing to do with the swarm, right, Alastor?]
no subject
[ While Satan is thinking more along the lines of the "fluffier" courses, there are other courses like using demonic seduction to... well, seduce a human. ]
If you're looking for an abstract, I can provide one for you. Are you sure that's all you're looking for? More information?
[ Does... Does Alastor really enjoy this whole radio thing? It's not surprising, but to offer his services for basically nothing in return??? Sounds fishy. ]
And while I do appreciate your idea about fishing and I do think it would work, I'm trying not to be the one to pick a cat to bring home. I'd rather not be accused of having too many cats.
no subject
Oh? What's the curriculum?
[The "fluffier" courses might be up Alastor's alley, too. But demonic seduction? Gross.]
More information and a way for others to contact you if they have further questions. A suggestion: try to knock out the most obvious questions in your write-up.
[Or the radio ad would've been pointless.]
I don't understand. If you want a cat to take home, I presume you would want to pick the cat yourself to find one with a temperament you can put up with and that suits your lifestyle.
no subject
[ Although, as much as he enjoys what RAD has to offer, he's not sure he'd like so much of his day eaten up by actual homework, papers and studying. That's part of the reason why he's perfectly content chilling here instead. ]
I'll bring you a copy of my research for you to peruse and an FAQ. Whatever you need, I should be able to provide. I'll repay you in some manner as well.
[ Because while the whole "no strings attached" seems fishy, sure, it also makes Satan feel like he's indebted to Alastor and that's not the kind of life he wants to live. ]
I would take any cat. I've never found one that I didn't love. If it were unhealthy, I would nurse it back to health as best as I could, and if it hated me, I would provide as much space to it as possible while still providing food, water and toys. To be blunt, I'm trying to avoid told I brought home too many cats.
no subject
[Somebody was basically the teacher's assistant for that course.
He was so bored...]That should do nicely, I suppose. I'll let you know if I need more. [He has no idea how much research you have. The fool.] If you insist on paying me, then we'll work something out. I get the feeling "favors for favors" makes you uncomfortable...or at least it does in regards to me.
I'll keep an eye out next time I'm by the river to see if any of the feral cats there look like they need a more permanent home, I suppose.
no subject
[ Well. Maybe Alastor wouldn't be all that surprised considering his stance on Devildom demons. ]
No, I don't mind repaying favors for favors as long as we agree that both favors are comparable. I'm sure you might insist otherwise, but I'm a demon and I know that demons do not do things for free. There are no exceptions.
[ And if there are exceptions, Alastor certainly isn't the exception. ]
If you're willing to do that, I'd appreciate it. Do you like homemade goods? I can bring you some in exchange.
[ Not that mass produced goods are really available here but you know. ]
no subject
[Seriously, that "food" isn't even fit to feed dogs.]
Typically, you'd be right. However, right now you'd be providing something a bit more interesting for my program for this week. It's been a quiet week, after all. Not much news to cover.
[So you are technically already doing him a favor.]
That should be acceptable though I will say I'm no fan of sweets. I prefer bitter tastes.
no subject
[ He understands, but... sometimes... he would eat fast food in the Devildom. And he liked it. A true sinner. ]
Oh, really? I didn't think it was all that interesting, but I'm happy to hear it.
[ Here's hoping no one actually dies. Although that'd be... some news to spread. And he'd never live it down. ]
I can do bitter, or at least not very sweet. Any particular type of food you'd like? I've grown very flexible with my cooking and baking over the years.
no subject
Having antidotes for the local poisons would be seen as greatly beneficial to residents whose bodies aren't as robust as ours. I'd think that people would find that very interesting.
[Look, what's that saying about eggs and omelettes?]
I honestly can't really think of anything in particular I might like when I don't know much about what you can cook. Surprise me!
no subject
Well, that is my goal. I know I can't create a real panacea, but I can hopefully get close.
[ Yeah, yeah! He knows! But he isn't used to failure and sure, his life isn't at risk, but if people actually die that will probably put a stop to his research. Oh, and it would also be sad. ]
Alastor, do you even like surprises?
[ Or rather, do surprises even work on him? ]
no subject
I doubt there's a universal panacea out there, but at least the process of trying to find one could be entertaining.
[Seriously, he'd sit back with popcorn and watch the fallout.]
Of course! Unpredictability adds some desperately-needed spice to one's afterlife!
[Do you not remember how bored this man is of Literal Hell?]
no subject
I know I'll have success, but how much success will depend on how any volunteers fare.
[ Satan is half-tempted to make the sweetest cake imaginable, but that would one: be a waste of ingredients and two: not really be a repayment of anything if Satan made it out of spite. ]
If you say so. I'll see what I can come up with. I know I don't have to tell you this, given the fact that you're you, but do be honest with how you like it. Since I cooked for my brothers back home so often, I can make adjustments so that next time it will be more to your liking.
no subject
Oh no doubt you'll succeed in coming up with cures, but that's multiple cures, not a singular one that takes care of all ailments. Though who knows? You may prove me wrong! That'd be equally entertaining!
[Seriously, it'd be a fun surprise!]
Oh absolutely! It's a waste of ingredients if I lie and you keep making the same thing over and over again.
Though perhaps in future I could use the same method of thanking you for something. I think I remember you enjoying sweets? Or was that your brother? Regardless, I could bring you two a batch of beignets if it's amenable.
no subject
I'm glad we're on the same page.
[ Well, mostly. ]
I do enjoy a variety of sweets, including pastries.
[ Writes the person whose favorite food is apple pie and, when feeling melancholic, will eat an entire box of chocolates
and be teased for it. ]So, if the mood strikes you someday or if you're looking to return a favor, I wouldn't mind trying something you've made, beignets included.
no subject
Wonderful! I think you'll like beignets. Have you ever had one before? Light and fluffy like little clouds, drizzled with honey and each bearing an avalanche of powdered sugar. I'm not one for sweets as a whole but a beignet or two with black coffee is always just so satisfying.
no subject
I haven't, actually. I've heard of it and know it's a human world dish, but I very rarely ever went up there and never had a chance to try one. I haven't had one here, either. It does sound as if it's quite a treat. Would you need any specific appliances to make it?
[ He hopes whatever Alastor would need is available here. And that Alastor has a better idea of what appliances are and what they do, unlike him who confused an ice cream maker for a soup warmer. As one does. ]
no subject
Nope! Just need a functioning oven for baking them in! Though a pot of hot oil to fry them in also works, but I personally prefer them baked.
Perhaps I should bring some over sooner rather than later.
no subject
Sounds easy enough.
Although you can't bring them over until you you actually owe me a favor. I'd rather not rack up a debt to you.
no subject
Shame! I do so love showing off my mother's recipes, but if you insist on waiting, I suppose there's nothing to be done about it!
no subject
I can wait. As good as it sounds, and as much as I'm in the mood for sweets now, my limit is a debt of one favor or act of kindness per individual.
no subject
Well then, I look forward to whatever it is you whip up in this case!
[And he might be a cruel bastard and whip up a small batch of beignets to have cooling when you show up. Look, he needs something to go with his coffee and watching you suffer with the smell of fresh-baked beignets in your nose will go nicely with it.]