Journal 📚 Cats & Volunteers 🐈

[angelbirth]

Sender: Satan
To: Everyone
Subject: Cats & Volunteers

[ In a handwriting that balances on a fine line between neat and messy, the following is written: ]

Hello.

I have two distinctly separate requests, and I urge you to remember that these are separate when you read this.

Firstly, I am looking for a cat. One with a particularly charming button nose, splendid toe beans, and a mewl that could pawsitively melt any heart. While I understand that describes virtually all felines, I thought I'd see if anyone had seen such a cat around.

Secondly—and separately—I am looking for volunteers to participate in a research study. An exceptional candidate would be sturdy and healthy, even better if the candidate has experience overcoming various poisons and toxins. There are risks, such as loss of life, but ideally my research and my own magic-slash-dreamotion energy would prevent death. So ultimately, the risk is minimal. Most likely. Please let me know if you'd be willing to volunteer.

Comments

[angelbirth]

I wasn't being secretive. In fact, I thought I was being quite clear about what my intentions were. So, what about my questions made you think I was asking for your permission?

Anyway, I'm really working with antidotes, but in order to test them I need to administer a poison first. Which reminds me, I should say thank you for being such a great participant. The only problem is that you're way too strong for me to actually tell if my antidotes are working or if you're just shrugging the poison off.

1/2

[stupidmammon]

I never said you needed my permission! In fact I was trying to

2/2

[stupidmammon]

What dO YOU MEAN I'M TOO STRONG FOR 'EM?!

[angelbirth]

You're making it sound like an insult.

[ Yep. Just completely failing to acknowledge the actual issue here. ]

[stupidmammon]

YOU'RE IGNORING THE REAL ISSUE OF WHEN DID I HAVE EM IN THE FIRST PLACE???

[angelbirth]

It's been a while. I'm not sure when the first time was.

[stupidmammon]

Do you mean to tell me, all these times I felt a little sick was cause you were doin' things to my food?

[angelbirth]

Wait, you actually felt sick? You never acted like it.

[stupidmammon]

Well you've been makin' all the food. I thought it'd be rude to mention it.

An it was only a few times here or there.

[angelbirth]

I see. Well, the first time was most likely a mistake. You should have said something regardless.

[stupidmammon]

When you already threatened to stop cookin' for me?? Are you crazy??

[angelbirth]

So if I kept cooking something you were allergic to without knowing you were allergic, you'd keep eating it because you didn't want to make me angry again?

[stupidmammon]

I mean. It didn't feel like it was an allergy kinda thing or anything. An' I wasn't afraid of you so you can get that outta your head!!

I just ya know. Was tryin' to be less selfish or whatever.

[angelbirth]

No, that's what I meant.

Maybe you were being less selfish, but you were doing it by omitting information which is basically lying.

[ Not that he was worried!!! Although in all honest he's annoyed that Mammon had complaints about the food and didn't say anything. Not because Mammon could have gotten sick, but because he works hard to make food they both like.... ]

[stupidmammon]

[ Well maybe if someone hadn't poisoned his food, he wouldn't have felt sick over it in the first place. ]

Wait. Wait hold up a second! How you gonna flip this around on me when you was the one sneakin' stuff into my food!

[angelbirth]

[ Wow. Just wow. ]

I never hid what I was putting in your food.

[ Nor did he ever explicitly disclose it, either. ]

[stupidmammon]

Not tellin' me is the same as hidin' it ya know!

[angelbirth]

Considering it had such a subtle effect on you, I'd hardly say I did any damage.

[stupidmammon]

Tch!!!

You still shouldn't be sneaking things, Satan!

[angelbirth]

Don't "tch" me.

And I didn't do anything wrong. So drop it.

[stupidmammon]

So potentially knocking out your favorite brother is 'doing nothing wrong' ?

[angelbirth]

Certainly. After all, no harm befell my favorite brother.

[stupidmammon]

[ . . . ]

[ Dammit, he can't really argue that. ]

YEAH.

WELL.

[ he's grasping at straws here. ]

Shit.

[angelbirth]

[ Satan is rolling his eyes at his journal. He's not even sure if Mammon caught the insult. ]

I will concede that I owe you an apology. I did eventually realize I was using flora that was poisonous in the food and opted to continue since you never showed any ill effects. I'm sorry.

But you did help my research a lot, and so I'll also give you a "thank you" for that.

[stupidmammon]

Well I mean. If it's helping you out you ain't gotta stop or nothin.