Satan, Avatar of Wrath (
angelbirth) wrote in
dreamcrystals2022-04-26 06:52 pm
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Entry tags:
Journal 📚 Cats & Volunteers 🐈
Sender: Satan
To: Everyone
Subject: Cats & Volunteers
[ In a handwriting that balances on a fine line between neat and messy, the following is written: ]
Hello.
I have two distinctly separate requests, and I urge you to remember that these are separate when you read this.
Firstly, I am looking for a cat. One with a particularly charming button nose, splendid toe beans, and a mewl that could pawsitively melt any heart. While I understand that describes virtually all felines, I thought I'd see if anyone had seen such a cat around.
Secondly—and separately—I am looking for volunteers to participate in a research study. An exceptional candidate would be sturdy and healthy, even better if the candidate has experience overcoming various poisons and toxins. There are risks, such as loss of life, but ideally my research and my own magic-slash-dreamotion energy would prevent death. So ultimately, the risk is minimal. Most likely. Please let me know if you'd be willing to volunteer.
To: Everyone
Subject: Cats & Volunteers
[ In a handwriting that balances on a fine line between neat and messy, the following is written: ]
Hello.
I have two distinctly separate requests, and I urge you to remember that these are separate when you read this.
Firstly, I am looking for a cat. One with a particularly charming button nose, splendid toe beans, and a mewl that could pawsitively melt any heart. While I understand that describes virtually all felines, I thought I'd see if anyone had seen such a cat around.
Secondly—and separately—I am looking for volunteers to participate in a research study. An exceptional candidate would be sturdy and healthy, even better if the candidate has experience overcoming various poisons and toxins. There are risks, such as loss of life, but ideally my research and my own magic-slash-dreamotion energy would prevent death. So ultimately, the risk is minimal. Most likely. Please let me know if you'd be willing to volunteer.
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Anyway, I'm really working with antidotes, but in order to test them I need to administer a poison first. Which reminds me, I should say thank you for being such a great participant. The only problem is that you're way too strong for me to actually tell if my antidotes are working or if you're just shrugging the poison off.
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[ Yep. Just completely failing to acknowledge the actual issue here. ]
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An it was only a few times here or there.
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I just ya know. Was tryin' to be less selfish or whatever.
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Maybe you were being less selfish, but you were doing it by omitting information which is basically lying.
[ Not that he was worried!!! Although in all honest he's annoyed that Mammon had complaints about the food and didn't say anything. Not because Mammon could have gotten sick, but because he works hard to make food they both like.... ]
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Wait. Wait hold up a second! How you gonna flip this around on me when you was the one sneakin' stuff into my food!
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I never hid what I was putting in your food.
[ Nor did he ever explicitly disclose it, either. ]
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You still shouldn't be sneaking things, Satan!
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And I didn't do anything wrong. So drop it.
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[ Dammit, he can't really argue that. ]
YEAH.
WELL.
[ he's grasping at straws here. ]
Shit.
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I will concede that I owe you an apology. I did eventually realize I was using flora that was poisonous in the food and opted to continue since you never showed any ill effects. I'm sorry.
But you did help my research a lot, and so I'll also give you a "thank you" for that.
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