Futaba Sakura | 佐倉 双葉 | Oracle (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
mwehehe) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
dreamcrystals2022-10-02 12:36 am
mwehehe) wrote in dreamcrystals2022-10-02 12:36 am
🛸 2 // JOURNAL ENTRY
Sender: Futaba Sakura
To: Everyone
Subject: Question
You ever just.
Lock yourself in your room for like a month and forget what time is? I mean, I guess I ate at least, and I didn't just fall asleep for a whole freakin' month like after the Medjed thing but
like
a whole. Month. Least it was fruitful.
Which uh, leads me to my actual question: who has some technology here with 'em? Phones, laptops, things that require a power source cause I think I figured out some dream crystal things, but it might require a more... ambient dream energy. Dunno how THAT is gonna be harnessed yet, but I need to know my many sleepless nights and curryless days weren't for nothing. Testing on my own stuff is fine, but knowing it's not just a fluke is even better.
To: Everyone
Subject: Question
You ever just.
Lock yourself in your room for like a month and forget what time is? I mean, I guess I ate at least, and I didn't just fall asleep for a whole freakin' month like after the Medjed thing but
like
a whole. Month. Least it was fruitful.
Which uh, leads me to my actual question: who has some technology here with 'em? Phones, laptops, things that require a power source cause I think I figured out some dream crystal things, but it might require a more... ambient dream energy. Dunno how THAT is gonna be harnessed yet, but I need to know my many sleepless nights and curryless days weren't for nothing. Testing on my own stuff is fine, but knowing it's not just a fluke is even better.
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...and I thought you wouldn't want me to touch your phone. Eh, you can watch me with it I guess.
...though, it is a little strange that he wants to talk. She won't say no but she can probably be nice. Probably.
Yeah. But there has to be curry and if your phone is dead, even better.
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No. This was fine. This was fine. He could have this incredibly uncomfortable discussion. He needed to have this discussion.
He drew in another breath, and replied.
It's been dead for months and there's nothing on there you don't already know about.
A pause.
Nothing that could somehow make your opinion of me worse, anyway. I can be there in an hour?
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But uh, yeah, sure. I can clean up real quick cause a month of me not really leaving is... a bad look.
Too much hyperfocus does things to a person. She's still a little wary of Akechi, but she hasn't had any warning from Ren or anything, so he's probably fine to be around... she hopes.
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And, after a moment's reflection, he added, Probably... not all that much worse than not having left mine for two weeks.
And that was that, commitment made. He was going to do this. Talk... to Futaba. Without anyone else present.
This was probably going to be the second-hardest thing he'd ever done- nothing had ever been harder than the walk away from the police station last november- but this... felt more right than anything else he'd done had.
Take-out curry was a poor offering, probably. So was the rice and naan it came with. But it was something.
So it was, at three in the afternoon, Goro Akechi found himself waiting outside an unfamiliar treehouse, trying to work himself up to the arduous task of knocking on the damn door.
No. No, this was a stupid idea. He set the take-out on the step and started walking, pulling out his book. Something came up, need to cancel, you understand, he thought, and almost wrote it, the tip of his pen poised mere millimeters from paper.
What he wrote instead was I'm outside.
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...until the door opens slowly, creaking open. Half of Futaba's face is visible after, and her eyes go to his hands to make sure there's curry there. Once she sees it, the door opens further.
"It's still kinda messy, but it's not as bad as it was before."
She'll motion for him to come on in. At least her treehouse is furnished, but it's definitely got her flair.
"You can sit anywhere, but I gotta ask... why did you want to talk to me all of a sudden?"
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"To be totally honest with you, I don't. I really... really don't want to do this. But I... feel like I need to." No, that was a stupid way to start. Why was this so damn difficult- "When you- In the engine room. You said it's never too late to start over. Did you genuinely mean that, or were you just trying to talk me down?"
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"Yes." Not a full answer, but— "You sounded like you wanted to be our friend. Wanted to be a part of what we had. To be one of the Phantom Thieves and not just working adjacent to us. So, yes to both. I wouldn't have said it if I didn't mean it."
The phone display flashes on to show the battery percent, beginning to climb, crystal attached to it glowing a bright blue. Promising.
"In the end, when we thought you were dead, before the whole Maruki thing... we did all mourn you, you know."
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He inhaled. "I'm not... sure if you heard what happened. But some shit happened on the tenth, and I met... well. I suppose you could call it my Shadow. It knew... everything. Everything I'd been lying to myself about. Everything I'd been too scared or proud to admit. I think I've realized for the first time how... little. Control I've ever had over my life. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of... letting other people decide who I am."
Beneath the surface, a sense of warmth he now had a name for welled up- Captain Nemo, comfortably there like he'd always been, somehow, without the discomfort or vitriol he'd come to get used to...
"I'm not going to apologize. What would 'I'm sorry' actually accomplish? But I do... wish I hadn't-"
No. Not the right words. "No child should have to lose their parents. It was stupid, and it was wrong, and all of it- all of it was part of this- this half-baked plan I came up with when I was fourteen that was never going to work in the first place and Shido knew. He knew the whole time and I let him- I let him make me just like him. And I'm done. This is me, starting over. I don't want to be- I am not. Him."
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"Then don't let them decide it anymore. You're the only one who can stop it. Adults are shitty, we all knew that. What Shido did to Ren and you, that asshole teacher at Shujin, the painter with Inari... all of them were shit." Harsh words, perhaps, but she knows it's true. Not all adults are shitty, she knows plenty who aren't and a number of them are here.
Fuataba starts when he mentions not apologizing, but keeps her mouth shut to listen to everything. That's... more of an apology than she's gotten, and it makes the hurt of losing her mom sting more... but he means it. He might be Jerkechi, but hearing his voice, there's no manipulation there.
"If you go back on your word, I'm going to give you the meanest swirly ever." Futaba glances at him, frowning and serious about that, but she doesn't sound... mad. "And I'll call you out if you start getting all Shido-like. I know old habits are hard to break and all."
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Something in the back of his mind burned, and the sense he'd gotten a few times before, here, flared to life-
Like something he'd been missing. Something that had been lost. The ghost of a voice he could barely remember whispering-
I am thou, thou art I...
Justice.
It hurt, because while he knew he'd been played, left to be a pawn in a game he never could've understood, there'd still been a choice, somewhere along the line, to chase Shido's shadow instead of his own way. That starting on that path had been a mistake to begin with, and everything else, whether he'd had a choice in it or not- had followed from that. It hurt... but that didn't have to be a bad thing.
"While we're on this... train wreck of a conversation, anything you'd like to get out of your system? I'm offering a one-time promise of no payback if you'd like to take a swing, say something to twist the knife, or whatever. Nobody would argue I hadn't earned it."
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His offer comes at a surprise though. She had looked away in her huff, but she's back to looking at him, as if really contemplating it, scrutinizing—
"I've thought about it before," she says quietly. "But what would it accomplish? I'd have a hand that hurts, you'd probably have a sore nose, and mom would still be gone. I can blame you, but neither does that bring mom back. It's not even completely your fault, so I can't place the blame solely on you. If anything, I'd want to yell at Shido the most."
Truly, if she said anything really terrible, it wouldn't accomplish much except for making her feel worse than before. Futaba is quiet for a handful of moments, finally taking in a deep breath and speaking.
"I don't forgive you, but I do accept your apology. I can probably forgive you eventually, but it's going to take a lot of time, sorry. Just... as long as you give me a reason to trust you, I can get over it." She could get over a lot of things quickly, but this was a very deep pain that she still could have nightmares over— it was one of the first she had when she was here, in fact. But Futaba had been healing, slow as it was, so perhaps this could help be a balm as well.
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He inhaled. "My mother... Shido made her life hell. Not directly- he never cared enough to try to do it directly. But... in all the ways that matter, he killed her. Even if he came to me on hands and knees, if he admitted all of it, begged for forgiveness, swore to be a better man- I couldn't forgive him. So... I get it. I-"
He stumbled, over his words. There was a lot to be said. A lot that could be said, and some things he found himself wanting to say, but...
"I'll leave you alone."
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"You don't have to, it's fine."
...huh. Weird she'd say that, but...
"...we can probably be friends. It'll be weird for a while, but it wouldn't be... terrible, if you wanna be friends."
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Possibly the understatement of the year.
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...look, she would and she wouldn't feel bad about it at all if it happened.
"Plus, your phone is only at like, 40%. Do you really wanna leave it with me?"
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The most important thing here, clearly.
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Though the idea gave him pause. "Although... now I do somewhat regret it. Can you imagine the average 'Detective Prince' fangirl trying to order that kind of basic bitch drink? From your father? It might almost have been worth getting myself kicked out."
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Sojiro was pretty serious about his coffee, and a frappuccino? In his establishment?! That was ridiculous. "Any fangirls would probably get kicked out anyway, I'm pretty sure the only people our age that went in there were the Phantom Thieves. The old people that frequent the place would probably get mad about too many of us."
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