Best day EVER!!!

[helluvaboss]

Sender: Blitzø
Subject: Best day EVER!!!

Comments

Sender: Satan

[angelbirth]

On one hand, I want to ask if you meant "Andromeda."

On the other hand, the juxtaposition between "Andromeda" and "Stapler" is giving me whiplash.

So I have to ask: why? And don't respond with "Why not?"

[helluvaboss]

ok first of all wtf ur not actually satan

2nd of all who tf cares how to spell andromeda w/e

3rd of all I named Stapler and Octavia named Andromeda

4th of all fuck you it was fun ofc I was gonna draw the race we had

[angelbirth]

Aren't you just the most polite little imp?

[ This isn't the first time he's been accused of not being who he is, but he appreciates that there's no apparent follow-up to it. ]

For the record, I don't have any control over how this world identifies me, but I can assure you it's the truth.

Anyway, I take it you're familiar with Alastor, Angel Dust and Stolas?

[helluvaboss]

Yeah

Pretty sure Satan wouldn't get stuck in some weird dream world tho he's the king of wrath

[angelbirth]

[ Satan debates on whether he likes "King of Wrath" better than "Avatar of Wrath." A difficult choice. But, more importantly, the confirmation that he knows those demons makes him sigh heavily. Of course they're from the same world. ]

I'm not so much stuck here as I am keeping Mammon company. Besides, it's not so bad here. Right? You yourself said you had the "Best Day Ever."

[helluvaboss]

TRUE there's no rent and there's dream horses which fucking rocks

even if everyone around here is kind of super prudish and it's so bubblegum cutesy magic shit like HAHAHA is this what mortals dream about??? weirdos

[angelbirth]

Blitzø.

You drew a picture of you and an owl(?) demon(?) riding magical horses. Doesn't that fall into "bubblegum cutesy magic?"

[helluvaboss]

you fuckin kidding look how badass we are!!!

[angelbirth]

Are those even real horses? You drew poles, didn't you? So aren't those just carousel horses?

[helluvaboss]

They escaped from the carosel! They wanted to be wild and free. We became friends.

[angelbirth]

How wholesome and distinctively cute. How is that any different than what you said about mortals?

Or are you saying you actually like mortals?

[helluvaboss]

Only thing dumb about them is how they fool themselves into thinking they're any better than the rest of us

also their ugly mugs but that's just bad luck

[angelbirth]

I see. Well, I can't really disagree with you there. It has also been my experience that many mortals do feel that way, but those same mortals also tend to meet with sudden, unfortunate ends.

[ He won't comment on the "ugly mugs" part because he can very much pass for a regular human being. ]

Luckily, I think most mortals here are of the more open-minded variety. Lucky us.

[helluvaboss]

I mean we can kinda break the hard truth about their afterlife to them so theyre gonna be curious no matter what, right?

[angelbirth]

We could, but different worlds have different afterlives. Not every world has a Hell, and conversely, not every world has a Heaven. All we'd manage to do is maybe scare a few people into being "better."

Which wouldn't really affect you, at least I don't think it would. You're not a sinner demon, right? So it doesn't sound like you even have to deal with the crowded Pride Ring.

[ He's been around Alastor too long.... ]

[helluvaboss]

I set up business in Pride cause businesses do best with the everyday shmucks. Also my specific client base is there, angry sinner bitches wanting a jab back at people still in the living world

[angelbirth]

Did you


set up an assassination kiosk in Hell?

[helluvaboss]

Hell yeah I did. We're the Immediate Murder Professionals. I.M.P.!

[angelbirth]

How clever.

[ In his thousand years of existing, never has he imagined someone would be running an assassination business from Hell. ]

And it's profitable?

[helluvaboss]

You betcha!

[angelbirth]

And how is it that you just so casually stroll up to the mortal realm?

[helluvaboss]

Trade secret! But we had a way.

[angelbirth]

[ Ah. Well, he's definitely a smart imp. ]

That makes it sound like you're either doing or using something prohibited in Hell. But, I suppose it's Hell, so obviously you can do as you please.

That being said, you really won't tell me?

[helluvaboss]

Well if you take me on a date and call me pretty I might consider it, but in public I don't want anyone scooping up my tricks of th e trade

[angelbirth]

No thank you.

[ For many reasons, but mostly because it's not even a guarantee! ]

Who, exactly, is going to steal your tricks of the trade? Demons like myself don't need assistance going to the mortal realm for anything other than convenience. Do you even have it with you here?