dreamcrystals | A Letter to Home

Entry tags:

A Letter to Home

Sender: Zack Fair
To: All
Subject: No Subject (Backdated to the first week)

[ Words that begin to appear in the journals are written slowly, as if with intent. The handwriting is... coherent at best at this slower pace, but every word is coming in gradually and seemingly with more frustration.

Guess who thinks this is just a plain ol' journal to use? ]

~~Dear Aeir~~
~~What's up!?~~
~~Hello! Hey th———~~

Hey Aerith.
Hope things are going ~~well??~~ good for you

[ UGH ]

Sorry it's taken so long for me to write back... I know youve been waiting a long time
I can't call right now but soon, okay?
~~how are the flowers?~~ you swimming in gil yet?
Theirs ~~theres~~ lots of weird stuff going on that I'll explain when I get back.
So... yeah. ~~See you soon~~
~~Regard~~ [ No that was SO STUPID ]
bye

[ The words at the bottom of the page are suddenly cut out, as if completely disregarded or tossed away.

But seconds later another one appears: ]

Hello!

[ Nope that one is gone, too. ]

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[She mirrors his frown with her own before she answers simply,] Cloud did.

[Yeah. Definitely some weird timeline stuff going on.]

First class and all.

[Though that doesn't answer any of the other questions she's had since she found him in Midgar that night, but she waits with bated breath for what Zack has to say in response to that.]

[ … What?

Nothing was adding up at all. Why would Cloud have told her that? Maybe it was a pride thing… or maybe it was something else. Something that poked at the back of his mind when he reflected back to seeing Cloud for the first time here.

He already didn’t remember Zack in the first place, so he was already convinced the man’s memories were a little out of place. Maybe though, with Tifa’s help, she could clear a few things up and provide answers in the gaps that he was missing…

But he couldn’t know what had to be be done without at least telling her the truth first.

…

Zack eventually winces under his thoughts before shaking his head. ] When I first met Cloud he was in the infantry, and was there until the two of us left Shinra.

[ the words left a bad taste in his mouth. He didn’t feel right talking about Cloud or his business when he wasn’t around… but without knowing exactly what was going on with him, Zack would have no help of trying to find a solution. ]

There weren’t many of us in First Class… only a handful, actually. But unfortunately Cloud wasn’t one of ‘em…

[And just like that, Tifa feels her world shaking underneath her, like the very pillars that hold it all up are being violently chipped away at with no warning, and no time for her to fight back. There are a lot of things that Tifa had been blind to or wrong about in her past, but if there was one thing that she did want to be wrong about, it was this. It was all the things that her gut had been telling her was off.

She tries to keep her expression steady, from showing too much that everything is spinning. Her hands fold between the chair and her legs, Tifa not wanting Zack to see how her fingers are trembling.]

But... that doesn't make any sense. Cloud was a SOLDIER when he left Shinra...? The uniform, and... and the sword. He kept going on about how he was ex-SOLDIER. Talked about how working for Shinra was...

[Tifa's voice falls away when she realizes that no, he hadn't really talked about it at all. When she asked, he dodged her question, and she took it as it being too heavy a topic. Didn't want to poke it any further and make him clam up.]

Are... are you sure? [Now she's not so sure.] Maybe... maybe your memories don't quite add up? Or aren't from the same time? That's happened to me before.

[ His body tenses as she speaks, and Zack has to cross his arms over his chest in order to keep himself still.

A dark, deep pit forms in the bottom of his stomach, making it difficult to swallow. He doesn't want to remember what happened a year ago, yet even the small glimpses back into the past feel as if it happened yesterday.

Zack breathes through his emotions before lowing his gaze to the soft as he speaks softly. ]

The uniform. I... I gave that to him. It was a change of clothes... it was the only thing I could find after— [ after that.

Should he tell Tifa? Did she even know? Shinra did keep a tight lip about what they were doing, but knowing that it effected Cloud in such a way... that he ended up like this.

He wanted to vomit.

His head deepens into his chest, hands clenching his forearms. ] Cloud actually looks a little older. I don't really know how...

[Tifa's fingers curl around the edges of her chair, nails digging into the polished wood while she continues to listen, and she feels sick to her stomach. What she had originally thought—no, hoped was the truth continues to crumble. The things she could convince herself were the reasons behind their contradicting timelines and memories were becoming further and further away from her.

The way that he lets that one thought hang doesn't make her feel any better, either, and Tifa's gaze darkens a touch when he moves past it.]

... After what?

... After Cloud and I broke out from under the Shinra Manor. [ His throat goes dry when he speaks, shutting his eyes to try and hide away the memory of the many years of his life- of Cloud's life- that they would never get back. ]

Tifa, this isn't the easiest thing to talk about— [ There's a small plea in his voice, something of a small whimper that chokes him back from forming a proper sentence. But he's trying, and he knows she has more questions to ask. He just... doesn't know how to formulate it all into thought.

Finally, after a long period of sentence he focused himself to try and continue. Voice dripping with regret. ]

Something happened to Cloud that really messed him up down there. It... it could be the reason he think he's SOLDIER, or why he doesn't even remember who I am...

[She figured as much... That this conversation wasn't going to be easy the moment that the air shifted. Even before that when he asked to meet with her face to face...

But even as he pleads with her, Tifa maintains a steady, unwavering gaze, although on the inside, everything is still slowly collapsing. She needs to know what happened, and if there is something wrong with Cloud, then she needs to know that, too. She knew that she wasn't crazy—that there was something different about him, something that wasn't "just the mako" swirling in his eyes.

Never mind the headaches that he seems to suffer all the time...

At some point, her hands had moved back to the table where they wrap tightly around her cup, squeezing until the ceramic starts to squeak under the pressure of her grip.

"Thinks" he's a SOLDIER... but to Tifa, he is a SOLDIER... so where is the disconnect?

Though, something else he says grabs her attention again, and this time, she leans forward over the table.]

Shinra Manor? You mean the one in Nibelheim?

[ The sudden movement from the table alerts Zack, and he is nearly taken back a bit in surprise when her earnest question comes out.

... Sorry Cloud, he'll apologize to you later. Really, and sincerely. ]

That's the one. [ He admits, scoffing sadly as he peers back down to his drink. ] Cloud came with me and Sephiroth on that last mission... he was one of the infantry men on the tour with us.

[ His shoulders hunch down as he continues, voice dripping with regret as he spoke. ] He seemed nervous the entire time, though. Figured you two had some history he didn't wanna talk about, so 'course I didn't pry, but... yeah.

[There's a very sudden, very loud CRACK as the surface of the table fractures on Tifa's side, and it looks like it's been sliced right through with a flaming hot knife, the old, polished wood now burnt to a crisp, but Tifa hardly blinks.

It's a question of whether her mind is even still there at all. There's a faraway, distant look in her eyes, but the fires that consumed her hometown simmer beneath it as it all takes her back to that night... The night where all their worlds were turned upside down, their lives ruined... Not just Tifa and Cloud's, but Zack's as well, from the sounds of it.

And all that time, Cloud had been there? He was there, and had seen it all unfold? And he never thought to tell her?

Was that why he's been acting so strange around her, and in general?

It's as if she comes to in that moment, her mind and her gaze returning to the present, and she only realizes then that she had broken the table, but she only spares it a quick glance before fixing Zack with an equally confused stare.]

Why didn't he tell me...?

[She waited for him.]

How did he... how did you two get out...?

[ Zack nearly jolts out of his seat when the loud crack is heard- the hairs on the back of his neck standing straight up. His eyes dart to the table, mouth hanging open at just how that possibly happened and sat motionless for a moment as the air around them began to heavy to move.

He understands. He knows how difficult it must have been for Tifa and everyone else waiting for them. To be left out in the dark for so long...

Zack wished he had more answers, but a lot of what was left was between her and Cloud. He was never one to really open up about his emotions, but something was telling him there something deeper between the two of them. All he could do now was ease her mind about what he did know... and even that was hard to explain. ]

I'm sorry, Tifa... [ Was all he could manage to breathe out at her frustration. ]

I managed to break out and take Cloud with me, but by then... years had gone by. We were stuck there getting poked and prodded or whatever the hell those Shinra scientists do. But Cloud he- [ His face hardens. Hands clenched at his thighs and tightening his grip on his pants. ] -he couldn't handle all that mako. Couldn't even walk, let alone talk to me.

[ Mako poisoning. Zack was able to withstand it, given the amount used to becoming SOLDIER, but- ]

We became fugitives. On the run all the way up until I woke up here.

[She's trying so, so hard to make this make sense... to search for any possible solution that she might know about for why nothing is adding up. Timeline shenanigans can be attributed to it, sure, but...]

There's no cure for mako poisoning, is there...?

[No cure for SOLDIERs... Tifa knows that. She heard it straight from President Shinra's mouth in the reactor. Whether or not it was a lie didn't matter, because since then, she's been going on the possibility that it is the cold, hard truth.]

[ Zack just simply shakes his head, a look of defeat washed over his features. If only he had done more to help, if only he could have. ]

At least not that I know of. Think you can only really get better with time, but that stuff doesn't exactly wash away. [ A pause, his voice rough. ] I hadn't seen Cloud since he "recovered", but now he's acting a little strange. Guess I can't blame 'em, though...

[It's making less and less sense as the conversation goes on. Mako poisoning, and the lack of a cure is what bothers her the most. If Zack says the last thing he remembers of Cloud is that, and it's so far from what Tifa knows about him, then what happened in between Nibelheim and Midgar?

Never mind that Cloud had been in Nibelheim that whole time and he never told her. Never stopped to say hi. And then... that capture happened with him and Zack? She wonders if maybe it could have been prevented if she knew... Could she have helped in some way before it went sideways?

She has so many questions, but those ones are better fit for Cloud... when the time is right. Which brings her to her next point...]

He has been acting strange... ever since I found him almost out cold at the train station...

[ Out cold? That does cause a surge of panic to raise up in him, but he suppresses it by taking another hard sip of his coffee. ]

Can't say his condition was improving much the last time I saw him. But here... it's like he a whole different person. [ A lot of the blame he feels could be on the events that transpired, so he was willing to let that part go. Cloud was still the Cloud he knew after all despite the change in personality. He could see the little bits of the spikey haired kid he knew from before poking out the more they roomed together- ]

I don't think he knows what happened to him. [ He finally admits after a brief moment of consideration. ] Got a headache when I tried to tell him who I was, so I backed off. I know there's probably a lot you wanna talk to him about, so... [ but what if those headaches come back? ] ... just be careful, alright?

[The mention of the headache pulls that knot of worry in Tifa's stomach tighter. So, he's been suffering with those here too, has he?

She's quiet in the moments that follow, her mind doing another pass over her memories, still trying to piece it all together with everything that Zack has told her. What he says makes sense—if Zack really is telling the truth, then Cloud has no idea that any of that happened. Does he even remember Nibelheim? Does he know that there had been mako poisoning, or that he wasn't SOLDIER, according to Zack?

Tifa doesn't know what to believe, or who, but as she takes another sip of her tea, hardly registering how lukewarm it is now, she finally sighs and breaks her long silence.]

What did he say when you tried to tell him who you were?

[... From the sounds of it, Cloud doesn't remember him?]

[ Zack's shoulders only slump forward more, and in a fit of slight irritation will lean himself back in his chair, uprooting the first two legs off of the ground. ]

"How do you know my name?" [ The words were hard to forget. They had stung, far worse than anything he had experienced in the past five years of hell. Even while comatose, Zack will believed that Cloud recognized him- knew who was taking care of him and protecting him from Shinra. And yet... ]

When I tried to explain, that's when the headache started up. [ A pause. ] So I decided that if didn't know who I was, then I'd keep it that way until he can sort out his own memories. I just... didn't want to push it, y'know?

Yeah... I know...

[She knows that very, very well.]

I've wanted to ask him about the headaches, too... but I was afraid that if I did, they'd just start acting up again. So, I just left it... I would be there when they happened, but questioning them...

[Does this make her a bad person for not asking? For not pushing Cloud to talk? She knows how he is—if he doesn't want to talk about something, then he won't, and Tifa, in all her patience, never wants to force him past his boundaries.

So, she understands well where Zack is coming from. Even more now that she's heard all of this.

She picks up her tea again and drinks it, sipping slowly before she lowers it far enough that her eyes can watch the liquid swish and ripple.]

Zack... [Her voice is firm, not quite so gentle as it usually is when she says his name. She wants to convey the weight of her next request to him.] Would you be able to keep an eye on Cloud?

[ So he and Tifa were in the same boat. She had experienced them just as he did and reacted in almost the same way. To not press them, to try and not let them come back, to not say anything... it was a weight both of them were carrying on their shoulders, and the pressure felt astronomical. But what were the both of them to do? That was an answer he didn't have right away, and as he took another sip from his coffee in an attempt to calm his nerves, he simply frowned into his cup.

It was Tifa saying his name that grounded him back to reality as his body nearly flinched with the tone. ]

... Me? [ It was a question that almost felt obvious coming from any other person, but said by Tifa it caused a moment of hesitation. The two of them had known each other far longer than Zack did, yet as their eyes met once again he could feel the weight of her words colliding into him.

...

Eventually Zack would, slowly, begin to crack a small smile. ]

Of course. You can count on me.

Thanks.

[She nods, and there's a grateful smile that ghosts over her expression before it fades away.]

I would do it myself, but... I'm not so sure.

[She downs a larger gulp of her tea, hoping that—just like him—it will help calm her nerves. It doesn't.]

I don't know if Cloud and I got off on the right foot after the masquerade. Haven't seen him since.

[And she feels like he has been actively avoiding her, just like she has him. Maybe it's better that they do... Maybe she gives him that time and space, because lord knows she needs it, too... Even more now than before.]

A-anyway. [No sense in dragging Zack into that.] Just let me know if anything strange comes up, okay?

Y'know... [ Zack pauses to cross his arms over his chest, leaning forward to try and meet Tifa's gaze. ] My might wanna hear from you, too.

[ While he was certainly okay playing the middle man for both of their sakes, there was something else that was egging him to push a little deeper. ]

We didn't exactly get off on the right foot either, but it worked out, didn't it? Sure it'll be the same for you and Cloud, too.

I know...

[She's well aware that there's plenty that they'll need to talk about, and even not—that they should just meet and try to get back on the right foot again, just like she was able to with Zack. Though... perhaps it was just easier with him because the stakes are lower. It's not like she knew him all that well, and he didn't seem to be at risk of breaking down lest she say the wrong thing...

But he's right.]

I'm sure we will... when we're both ready. I just don't think I am yet. And he doesn't seem to be either.

Sounds complicated. [ He'll admit, finally loosen his posture to that of something a bit more relaxed. ]

Anything I could help with? [ Other than keeping an eye on him, of course. ]

Huh? Oh... no... You're already doing so much as it is.

[She wouldn't dare ask Zack to do any more than that. Well, okay... besides the obvious—]

Just make sure he eats proper food. I... don't even know if Cloud can cook... [She'd ask if SOLDIER taught that sort of thing but then she suddenly remembers again.] And that he... you know, doesn't stay inside all the time. Get him out there. Help him find some work?

[Ah, crap.... here she goes, worrying about him, and Tifa shrinks back in her chair.]

Sorry. I guess that is a lot to ask.

[ Despite how difficult the conversation was at the beginning, Zack could feel himself become more physically relaxed as they two of them talked. ... But that's just how last time went, right? With tension, but eventually devolving into chuckles- something that Zack eagerly let's slip past his throat with the barrage of requests. ]

Don't sweat it, Tifa! He's going to be just fine. [ ... Eventually. He still had no idea what the root cause of the headaches were, or why, but now that they were on the same playing field, maybe they could figure out together. ]

You both will. [ He assures with a small smile. ]

Yeah... We will.

[Her smile is still lopsided, but genuine.

Cloud is nothing if not resilient, and a touch stubborn about it. She trusts that he can take care of himself, and that when the time comes, they'll both come around and things will go right back to the way they were. Right now, however, she can't help but feel that tension squeezing at her heart, even without him here with her. With time, that will eventually fade, she knows... but it's hard while it hasn't.

She's at least grateful for Zack... which is a thing she never thought she'd think to herself. Strange how things turn themselves on their heads sometimes.]

Thanks, Zack. I'll owe you.

consumes all of the sheila threads

theheroics - 2023-06-05 20:36 (UTC) - Expand

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A Letter to Home

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we can prob wrap this here! (so I can hit up your other post hehe)

consumes all of the sheila threads