Happy Birthday, Dork | Backdated to August 31

[crouching_sin]

Sender: Naoya
To: Everyone
Subject: Birthday boy

My cousin, who recently arrived, has a birthday today. Wishing him a happy birthday is encouraged.

He's 18 now after all. In many places that makes you an adult, Kazuya.

Yes, I know you can see me writing this.

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[belheir]

[Naoya is IMMEDIATELY getting a crumpled paper ball thrown at his head.]

[crouching_sin]

[Aaaand blocked. Not even looking at him.]

[belheir]

[Another gets sent his way. More forcefully.]

[crouching_sin]

[Donk. He looks up.]

What?

[belheir]

You're an asshole.

[crouching_sin]

Tell me something I don't know?

[belheir]

I'm going to kill you with my own two hands.

[In fact, he even makes a motion of halfway reaching up with said own two hands, before they drop back to his sides.

Too much effort to kill Naoya right now.]

[crouching_sin]

Uh huh.

[Already tried, Kazuya. At least in his timeline. Or at least beat him pretty badly.]

... I could get you a cake. Or a pie.

[belheir]

What if I just want you to be normal? Just once?

[There's almost a desperate, pleading tone to his voice.]

[crouching_sin]

Isn't this normal? Wishing someone a happy birthday? I'm trying to be a good cousin here.

[belheir]

I don't even know why you're bothering to lie. You could have just said happy birthday to me and left it at that.

[crouching_sin]

When have I ever outright lied to you?

[belheir]

Just because it isn't a lie doesn't mean it's also the whole truth. I know you better than that.

[crouching_sin]

What would I have to gain from this other than watching you squirm?

[belheir]

That's exactly what you have to gain.

[crouching_sin]

So what's the problem?

[belheir]

[He's getting another paper ball thrown at him.]

Stop being weird.

[crouching_sin]

But that's what makes me charming.

[belheir]

As charming as a snake, sure.

[crouching_sin]

[He's about to make a comment about the old legend, but he holds back.]

[Hm.]

Maybe so. But it's amusing.

[belheir]

[please please please do not talk to him about his once upon a time mom. he's still coming to terms with being the first murder victim, and that it was Naoya who bashed his brains in.]

You can get me a cake. I'm not sharing.

[crouching_sin]

[Different legend, but fair enough.]

I wasn't expecting you to.

[belheir]

Good.

[He drops himself right back on that ugly as shit orange couch.]

I want it with cream cheese frosting.

[Since he gets to be specific. He's the birthday boy!

[crouching_sin]

Anything you want written on it?

[He's going to regret this, but oh well.]

[belheir]

[Hm... Hmmm.

It's his birthday, but... He could make a jab at Naoya at the same time. Not that he particularly likes being called Abel...]

Just this once you can write Happy Birthday Abel on it. But if you let anyone else see... I'm going to throw it into your face.