dreamcrystals | 01 🔥 [journal entry]

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01 🔥 [journal entry]

Sender: Joshua
To: Everyone
Subject: Request for Assistance

Esteemed fellow Dreamwalkers,

I extend my heartfelt greetings to all in a moment of personal and restive rumination.

Within the intricate tapestry of our shared experience in this world bolstered by dreams, I find myself weaving a humble thread, seeking solace in the wisdom that resides in the bonds of our community. At this juncture, I pen my thoughts along the parchment of shared understanding, for in unity lies the strength to weather any tempests looming on the horizon, yet to beset us.

As the echoes of battle ring in my memory, it is clear that I cannot delay training, despite my insipidness. To clarify, my aversion stems not from the intention to undermine the value of such a skillset, but from the need to face my diffidence so that I may improve.

I respectfully ask those who are proficient in the physicalities of battle if you would be willing to share insights and advice on the intricacies thereof. In return, I will offer what I can, within reason. I’ve little in tangible possessions, but I am not adverse to providing reciprocal services. For your consideration, I’m adept with the casting of fire magicks, I can perform manual labor, and I can also assist with research. If none of these credentials suffice, I am willing to negotiate other fair compensation for your time and efforts.

Pray accept my deepest gratitude to all who have read my entreaty. As we act as conduits of dreams and magicks, let us fortify our knowledge together.

In camaraderie,

Joshua Rosfield

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Joshua is patient as Ryu considers his commitment. He knows it's a big thing to ask, especially with what said secret entails.]

You're right. Nobody should come asking you about it--

[Not unless some unsavory people from back home make their way to Songerein.]

--but I thank you nonetheless for agreeing.

[He takes a sip of his tea, still a bit too hot for his liking, but otherwise pleasant, before placing it down on the table.]

Do you remember when we met? The phoenix we befriended?

Of course I do. Though I'll admit, I don't really know much about what kind of creature that was.

[Sure it was called a 'phoenix', but he has no idea what that means other than 'a fire-based bird, apparently?'. There's something he knows of called a Phoenix Seed, but it... doesn't have much to do with birds otherwise. The only reason he knows anything about what it even might be is because of an attack name. But that's about it.]

[Joshua nods. It makes sense that Ryu isn’t well-versed in what a Phoenix is. He can’t expect that everyone knows everything about every world.]

To put it simply, the Phoenix is a powerful bird that encompasses fire and life. It is a paragon of healing, but also of destruction.

And I am one.

[Joshua... is a bird? ... Well Ryu is a dragon, so it's not so hard to believe... and isn't he himself supposed to bring either great joy or great destruction?]

I see. ... And you don't want other people to know what you are?

[See? They’re not so different!]

For as long as I can help it. I do not wish to invite any trouble.

[Joshua sips his tea as he thinks about how to formulate his next words. Mostly so he can best and most simply explain his situation.]

In my world, there are people known as Dominants. Each Dominant embodies the representation of an element called an Eikon. Mine is fire, and as such, I am the Dominant of the Eikon, Phoenix.

What this means is that I wield fire magicks, although Phoenix is unique in that he also grants me the power to heal.

It also means that I can transform into the Phoenix at will.

I… see.

[Other people - not Endless - could transform? That… would explain the power he senses from Joshua. It’s an odd thing to ponder… but it does make him feel a little less lonely.]

And… you can control it? The Phoenix? I mean I can control one of my forms, just… not that one…

[He sucks his head slightly.]

I can, yes.

[Joshua reaches out to place a hand on Ryu's arm.]

The first time I primed into Phoenix, I was only ten. I didn't have control.

[He's come to terms with what happened, but the image of his father's head rolling to the ground, his thick, viscous blood covering Joshua's face and obscuring his vision, is as vivid as when it occurred eighteen years ago.]

[He swallows, but continues, his tone measured. Ryu doesn't need to bear the burden of that memory.]

Although I managed to wrest Phoenix under my command soon after, the fact remains that many good people died that day. No small amount because of my transformation.

[He'd incinerated the very Rosarian soldiers who only wished to protect him. Who'd placed unwavering faith in himself and his family. He knows it wasn't directly his fault, but he'll never allow himself to forget that fact.]

You aren't alone, Ryu. Those of us who have been blessed with unimaginable power also bear unimaginable weight.

[His brother comes to mind. The other unfortunate half of that terrible night. The Night of Flames.]

But it isn't impossible.

[He doesn’t move away from Joshua, but the idea is… rough. He instinctually knew how to transform and control the Aura Dragon… and he knows he’s younger than ten but he also is aware that most mortals at ten are a lot less developed than he is now. He puts his other hand on top of Joshua’s, nodding.]

[So he killed people, too…]

I… I want to learn how to control it. It’s too dangerous to let me have that ability and not control it. I… I don’t want to hurt anyone. And I… I especially don’t want to hurt you, if we train with it. It’s… scary. Even if you can heal…

But… I can’t keep being afraid and… not do anything about it. If I have this power, it’s for a reason. And I want to believe that reason is to protect people. I’m… supposed to bring either joy or destruction, and I want to bring joy.

Then you already have a good start.

[Joshua turns his hand so it can grip Ryu's in a short, comforting squeeze. He pulls it away only to gently pat Ryu on the shoulder less than a moment later.]

Your mindset will have a significant impact on how successful you are. You have your purpose, now we just have to focus on eliminating your fear.

And the only way to be rid of that fear for sure is to face it head on.

... It tore holes in the ground. It eliminated a whole platoon in one shot - just... promise me you'll be careful.

[Sure, it was a platoon of Imperial soldiers, not people on his side, but...]

I... you're a very close friend to me. If I lost you I... I don't know what I'd do.

[He needs someone. Maybe it's selfish, but he feels like he needs someone to hold onto, to use as an anchor.]

[Funny, how he keeps being drawn to those with wings. Joshua's are just (usually) less literal.]

I am not one easily lost.

[Not if Phoenix has anything to say about it, at least.]

[But that doesn't help. So, Joshua thinks on his next words with the hope that they will.]

Something my brother taught me is that anything is possible when approached with the right frame of mind. It's when your resolve falters that tragedy strikes.

As your friend, I trust that you won't allow that to happen. Please trust that I will not allow that to happen, either.

... Okay.

[Trust... isn't something he has much trouble with. Not with putting faith in others. Himself... he's aware he's half of what he should be. A powerful being, but one that's shaped by the desires of other people. Even now... he's still not sure who he even is, or if it even matters. If he's going to be absorbed...]

[He puts a hand to his chest and closes his eyes. He can feel the horrific empty feeling inside of him where there was once a pull towards a direction. But he's directionless now. ... Directionless with nowhere to go but forward, following his friends.]

I... I don't fully know where the power came from. If I always had it, or... something else. All I know is that it feels -

[He opens his eyes and squints for a moment, trying to recall the word.]

... Unstable? I think that's the word.

Hmm.

[Joshua brings a hand up to his chin, rubbing at it with his thumb as he muses.]

Stability cannot be attained without a solid foundation. This is true in all matters, even in the realm of magicks.

Part of a Dominant’s ability to prime at will is acceptance of our Eikon. Of who we are. We cannot run from it, we cannot hide from it, and we cannot reject it. To attempt otherwise only leads to chaos.

Tell me, Ryu, what is it that you are rejecting? I speak not of your alternate forms, but of something deeper.

Rejecting? I don't...

[But he does know, doesn't he? This fear, deep down in his heart. Because he does have his own will. Whether it's because of the botched summoning or something else, he's not sure. But...]

... I... I guess... myself. I'm half of a whole, but everything I hear about my other half makes me... afraid. He's a ruler. A conqueror. Someone who's been asleep for a long time. And more powerful than me. I... I don't want to meet him. Not yet. Not until I can stand equal to him. Because I don't... want to disappear. But I don't want to rule. I don't want to conquer. I don't want to be strong, I want to be good and helpful and kind.

I don't... know if my other half wants the same. If he doesn't and we meet, he'll have his way. And I don't know what will happen if that happens, but I... don't think it'll be good. For anyone.

[Joshua watches and listens. His eyes remain trained on Ryu, well-practiced in their observation of minute changes in body language while he processes their accompanying words. He’s here to understand, but also to pinpoint any potential solutions.]

[His tone retains its quiet steadiness when he responds.]

It is the same as when we spoke about the nature of good and evil.

We all make our own decisions. You cannot control what others decide to do, just as they cannot control you. But we can try to influence them for good, provided we are aware they can influence us in return. Alternatively, if the circumstances are dire, we can stop them from causing harm by force.

Your other half may not want the same as you. That isn’t something you can know without meeting him, which I understand is troublesome in its own right, but it is a fact nonetheless. It is inevitable.

If you wish to be able to either stop or convince him when the time comes, then you require that which you actively reject: strength.

Embrace your strength and your power, Ryu, and you will find the foundation you need to wield it for good.

[He's clearly uneasy, head bowed slightly and shoulders pulled in. He hesitates a little more before he speaks again.]

I... power's such a complicated thing. I know some people use it for good. I know some people... don't. I want to be able to use power for good, but... but if I lose control, then I won't. And I'm afraid of losing control. I'm afraid of... of being what the Empire probably wants to use me as.

A weapon. Just... unthinking. Unfeeling. Just a weapon for them to use, just like that bastard had in his seals.

[Ryu doesn't swear. But it's clear that 'that bastard' is someone who he does truly hate. He's shaking, trying to get his anger under control. There's the feeling of power, like the room pressing in on them. He takes a breath, and... pushes it all aside.]

[His friends wouldn't want this.]

There... mm. I've used the form in dreams a few times. There were some people who showed up in mine, but... I don't know how well that translates. I couldn't control it at all in the dreams. Surrendering to the flow of it... it just sweeps me aside as if I were never there.

[The hairs on the back of Joshua’s neck stand with the exertion of that pressure, but he doesn’t take any action. He said he trusts Ryu. He’s going to make good on that assertion.]

There is surrender, and there is embracing.

To embrace your power is to acknowledge and accept that it is part of who you are. Then, you can let the rest of who you are guide your use of that power instead of allowing it to dominate you.

You desire to be a force for good, and that is no small part of who you are. Your power is in safe hands, as long as you can accept it.

Do you believe that?

I don't know how to. ... I want to. I want to believe that I'm able to keep it in safe hands, it's just...

... How do you stop being afraid of yourself? When you've hurt people with it? Maybe they were going to hurt me, but that wasn't a fair fight in the slightest.

I just... I want to embrace it. But how can I accept that I'm capable of such destruction, when all I want is to do good?

One way is by understanding that your capacity to do good is directly related to your capacity to destroy.

[Here comes the hard part.]

You must also understand and accept that bearing the burden of such power means that hurting people is inevitable.

However paradoxical it sounds, our ability to bring good relies on our ability to be dangerous. To bury or run from that power does not make us better, it only makes it so those who choose to act with ill-intent can do so with less opposition.

Try as we may to avoid it, the time will come when we must bare our fangs at those who will not listen to reason. We owe it to those who would otherwise bear the brunt of their malice.

 We also owe it to ourselves to continuously make choices that steer us away from becoming someone who would spread evil.

[That is hard.]

... I can only try. I want... I want to live. And I want to make it so others can, too.

[That's all he wants, in the end.]

I want to protect people. I want to make it so what happened in Chek and the Abandoned Village never happen again. ... There might always be people who are cruel, but... I'm not going to let them hurt innocent people.

Then you've found something upon which you can build your foundation.

[Joshua offers Ryu a soft smile. Encouraging, but not exactly jubilant. There's a lot of work ahead.]

When you are ready to test it, I will be here to help.

... Thank you. I... it means a lot to me. you may not be another Endless, but you've been such a good friend and guide to me...

[And all he has to pay Joshua back is tea. He'll... have to think on how to thank the older man.]

I'll do my best. I... I have to be stronger to help others. So... I'll have to learn a lot. But I... I can do it.

[He's pretty sure, at least.]

I have no doubts that you can.

[It's part of being a good friend to share that kind of support, but it helps a lot to actually believe what's being said--and Joshua does.]

[Ryu will need practice, though, and that's tricky when other people are around, just in case something does happen.]

However, we should plan how to proceed.

... Mm. Making plans isn't... my strong point.

[He's not sure if he's ever made a plan in his life.]

I don't even know where to start.

As it turns out, I excel in planning.

[Strategy. Planning. Same thing!]

Let us start with a place to start practicing.

May I recommend within the realm of dreams?

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