the poppies blow;

[notachickenhawk]

Sender: Anonymous
To: Everyone
Subject: War

I know this is a difficult subject for some so please move along if it is for you. But for those of you who have been in wars or battles (formal or not) - how do you deal with it after?

At least from my perspective it's not over yet, but... I don't have to fight here. I don't have to be afraid for the lives of myself or those around me. But the blood is still on my hands. The battles I fought still took their toll. Nothing seems to help. I've heard 'time will help' but that doesn't do anything for me now, when I need help.

I don't normally ask for help, but I'm at a loss here.

Comments

[notachickenhawk]

The only person who would really understand was there, too. And she's hurting just as much as I am. We don't have outside people to talk to about this, not at home. Here... I've met one or two people, but it's still hard.

Like... how do you explain what torture's done to you? How do you explain what it's like to look into someone's face and know they're not the one looking back? It's hard to know what's too far to talk about. I've never really known how to gauge conversational limits.

I know I'm still young. But that makes all of this even worse...

[iracorn]

I am so sorry to hear that that has happened to you.

It shouldn't happen. Especially to one so young.

[He knows this all too well, even if that is hard to convey in writing. Though, perhaps his feelings come through.]

But, I suppose you could always ask and make sure if they are ready to hear it. Or to have that conversation.

Because I do think it is one that you need have.

[notachickenhawk]

Maybe. ... I don't know if she's the type of person to have that kind of conversation. I care about her a lot, but she's not really that sort of touchy-feely type.

[iracorn]

Even if they aren't that kind of person, as a friend, they may want to offer their help, however they can.

Our friends are not so quick to leave us in the lurch.

I admit, it sounds like you might be making excuses.

[notachickenhawk]

I mean like... probably. It feels like I am, even if there's a point behind them.

I just don't... know how to do this kind of stuff. Being emotionally vulnerable anymore. It's hard.

[iracorn]

It can be very hard, I agree. I have struggled with it myself.

It takes a lot of bravery to take that first step and open up.

[notachickenhawk]

Is this a step? Or does it only count for like half?

[iracorn]

I think it counts as a full one. Which means you're ready to take the next one

[notachickenhawk]

Figuring out the steps is probably just as hard as taking them, isn't it?

[iracorn]

Very much so, but they must be taken, one way or another.]