dreamcrystals | journal 🔶 psa from a former fairy

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journal 🔶 psa from a former fairy

[Ferran isn't unaware of how these journals work, but he's still working out what pages are "public" and which are for his own private use.

Thus, one evening, a sketch of a building slowly comes together, distinguished by its tall stone towers, walls topped with battlements, wrought iron fences, and a large courtyard. The artist pays special attention to the detailing in the texture, making it easy to imagine what materials the imposing place might be made of. To those familiar with the city of Aefenglom, it's clearly a representation of the Coven.

After he's done, he writes in neat print:]

Don't trust the Fae. Whatever else I've forgotten, I know that much.

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It's fine. I wouldn't have answered if I was that bothered. But I guess I'll just have to find out if anyone can actually do something like that.

[With what he's been through lately, he's much less inclined to offer information about himself simply for the sake of being polite. Now if his feelings about the matter were to be brought up, that would be different, but simply admitting the facts isn't enough to dredge up any of the real misery.

He does, however, hesitate for a few more moments before answering the question. What Rion would do if he came to this dream world...]

What he wants isn't here. And what happens in this place won't really affect anything back where we come from, right? He'd probably consider it a waste of effort.

[ Quietly relieved though she is that she hasn't overstepped, it's not easy for her to leave it at that. ]

It may take some time before anybody is comfortable enough here to help.
But if you do find someone, please be careful.
Letting another person into your mind isn't something to be done lightly.
If you can't trust them, it might be better not to investigate at all.

[ Nevermind how many times she's been an intruder in the hearts and memories of others. She knows how dangerous it is because she's dangerous, because she's witnessed firsthand just how much of a violation of mental privacy it can be. No matter her existing regrets, she'd rather not add any more by suggesting a cure that might be worse than the disease.

As for her question, she's considering rescinding it when the answer finally comes. Upon reading it, she's left in a pause of her own, although it doesn't last quite as long as his. ]

That sounds right.
I suppose if that's the case and he isn't the type of person to do it for fun, then it makes sense.

[ It's not even her problem, but she's relieved just the same. Admitting as much, though, takes a beat or two. Eventually, however, ]

I'm glad.
Since anyone could show up here, it's better if the ones that might hurt others don't have any motivation to anymore.

It's not like someone could do much worse to me at this point, [famous last words] but thanks.

[Never mind that having another will forced into his head has ruined his life in two worlds now... even if he doesn't remember the latter yet. It's fine.]

Yeah. I don't think he enjoys hurting anyone just for the sake of it.

[Why does he write that with such confidence? Maybe he's just trying to will his small hopes into reality...]

I wonder what it would be like, though, if someone like that did show up here. With how few of us there are, it would be obvious pretty quickly, and I doubt people would just let it happen.

Maybe not.

[ Since she's not familiar with the details of his situation, she can hardly claim to be able to say definitively otherwise. Still, there's another of those preparatory dots, and then, ]

In my experience, there's always something worse.
Even if you can't imagine it for yourself, someone else can.

[ Except that's an awfully dark train of thought and Naminé has the sense to pull the brake on that one right there. Marginally nicer is that other thought, that perhaps this individual that's been giving him trouble isn't all bad. Or... at least not a sadist. That's generally a trait - or lack thereof - that Naminé approves of. ]

That depends.
If someone who hurts or manipulates others is very careful about it, it can take a long time for anyone to realize what's going on, if they ever do.
But if they don't bother to hide what they're doing, then I don't think it would be allowed to go on for any time at all.
There are already a lot of people here I know wouldn't let it.

I guess you can just call it my way of being optimistic.

[He understands what she means, of course. But somehow he can't bring himself to care much... at least not right now, when only facing hypotheticals.]

In another kind of world, I might agree. But nightmares and feelings are on display for anyone to see here, aren't they? Even if someone was threatened to keep it secret, they can't help what they dream, or how that shows up here.

[ Whether she agrees or not, she can at least appreciate the sentiment of being optimistic. That's been lauded plenty in her life, anyway. So, ]

They do say it's good to look on the bright side.

[ And he has a valid point about the dreams. Preoccupied with everything else going on in this world, Naminé hasn't given that aspect as much conscious thought as perhaps she should have, but when she does - it puts a cold chill right in the center of her chest. Her own secrets are one thing; the fact that certain other people could be privy to them sooner or later regardless of how careful she is happens to be entirely another. ]

It seems that way.
But there's also a chance that they might not dream about those things, or that if they did, it wouldn't be recorded.

[ Although the longer they're all here together, the less safe their most private thoughts are in the long run. Unnerved by it though she is, she'd prefer not to imagine that everything will be out in the open sooner or later. She might know some others that well, but the idea of being known in return is both exciting and terrifying, with an emphasis on the latter. ]

Besides, it would still only be a dream. Those don't always tell the truth.
They'd be able to keep denying it, even if that might make it harder for the rest of us to believe.

But I see what you're saying.

[ Her pencil rests against the paper thereafter, hesitating; she has a lot of thoughts about this, it seems, yet she's reluctant to put them into words. ]

Edited 2021-09-30 06:18 (UTC)

[Having already admitted some of his secrets to the man most likely to use them against him, Ferran's reaction to anyone else learning of them would be more tired than distressed, at this point. Yeah, sure. Why not tell the whole world?

Still, he'd be sympathetic to the idea. It's not easy to be so vulnerable.]

Sure, there are a lot of ways it could still be secret, but I'm sure there are a few people who'd stick their noses in regardless of how much denial they heard.

[He used to be one of those types, himself... and maybe in some ways he still is.]

It's just a hypothetical, anyway. We can hope that it stays that way.

[ Candid though Naminé tries to be, she's not foolish enough to think that there wouldn't be some well-justified discomfort for all parties involved if some of the details of the past were leaked to those related to them. Nevermind the safety concerns, considering her extensive work on Sora's memories - honestly, the poor girl's probably going to spend a couple hours tossing and turning when she tries to sleep tonight just thinking about all the possibilities. ]

You're probably right.
People who care that much can be pretty stubborn.

[ And she could name a few of them off right now. She might even be included on such a list - although she'd be quieter about it than some of the more heroic types. ]

Sure. We can hope.

[ She'd hoped for as much before, and will continue to do so, even if she's never been confident in the notion that such a place as this won't pull in some malicious individuals now and again. In any case, a beat passes, and then she writes, ]

I'm sorry I couldn't be more help.

[ Other than providing some advice, that is; maybe that's more than she thinks it is, but when she's so used to being able to delve into problems with memories more directly, she feels oddly helpless now. ]

[The apology catches him off guard a little; for one, he hadn't intended to bring up his memory issues publicly in the first place, even if he saw no reason to hide them. At least now he has the sense to keep himself from writing anything sensitive in these journals at all...]

Don't worry about it. It's something I kind of wanted to work out for myself for now, anyway. Thank you for the thought, though.

[Maybe sometime he'll try to reach out about the issue, but for now, he just wants to adjust to whatever this place is... and making his own decisions again.]

[ Habit though it's become to dig into the heart of other people's troubles, Naminé isn't unable to recognize that not everyone is willing to accept a stranger's assistance. ]

I understand. After all, it does sound pretty personal.
There are just some things that you have to do on your own.

[ Unless one happens to lack the ability to handle it on one's own... but she can't claim to be certain of having that power herself in this context, either, so perhaps it's better not to think too far ahead.

A pause of some length passes, and then - a few lines start coming together on the page. This time they form a picture instead of words, a simple, stylized little drawing of a girl with her hair over one shoulder, her eyes closed. She doesn't waste time with details, but the general shape would probably be recognizable, if he were to spot Naminé in person. ]

This is me.
I'm not sure I'll be able to help in the future either, but if you see me, at least you'll know that we've met before.

[ Perhaps she mightn't make such an effort if his situation weren't so familiar to her, but-- considering the context, it just wouldn't feel right not to at least leave him her business card, as it were. ]

[Most of his problems, he knows he can't deal with on his own—but those are the ones he doesn't think are fixable in any meaningful way, anyway. This, though... if he does eventually hit a wall, he won't hesitate much to ask for help. Friends are too important to forget, no matter how much of a mess he might be.

Next to her drawing, Ferran sketches out a similar doodle of himself, patting the girl on the head with a neutral expression.]

Nice to meet you, then. I'm sure we'll run into each other at some point.

[ Well-acquainted with the trouble missing memories can bring, Naminé might say the same; friends really are too important to forget.

Leaning in slightly to watch the drawing take shape, Naminé's not prepared for the gesture included in it. Her brows jump, and presently the corners of her mouth follow suit. Sweet, neutral expression or not. ]

It was nice to meet you, too.
And you're right. Even a dream world like this one seems like it can be pretty small.

[ She means, after that, to sign off and let him have some time to think about all of this, but... her eyes linger on the artwork a moment, and then, ]

I like your drawing, by the way.
The one of the castle.

[ Or something that looks generally like a castle to her. ]

Thank you.

[It does look like a castle, honestly. Even if the idea of calling it as much feels strange to him. Soon enough he'll learn it was called the Coven, but for now it remains a mystery.]

I figured putting it on paper might help me remember something nice. And it's the kind of thing I used to do for fun.

[ Rare as it is for her to meet someone else artistically inclined, Naminé can't help feeling a little flicker of excitement at the idea. Then her eyes go back a few words, find that, 'used to,' and curiosity replaces some part of her gladness. ]

You don't do it anymore?

[ Not that it's any of her business, but the idea seems like a shame, somehow. Which is pretty ironic considering she's mostly kept drawing out of habit, but-- ]

It seems like you're still good at it.

[ There's a trailing question there that she doesn't write out; if he did stop, then why? ]

[Ferran has already put his quill to paper by the time he realizes how utterly depressing the true answer is. But the thought makes him pause and lift it again, not wanting to drag down the conversation any further than it already has been... or more than it has to be.]

I guess I just haven't had the time for it in a while. Until now.

[It's vaguely honest, for a given definition of time. But saying that he's been hardly more than brain dead when not being used as a weapon just seems... unnecessary.]

[ Watching for the answer, Naminé doesn't miss the odd pause after she expects to see words starting to form on the page. She's done that a couple of times herself since she started using the journal, and for that very reason, she elects not to ask about it. Whatever else he had in mind is his business, no matter her tendency to pry; she'll take this at face value (with only a small notation in the archive of her memory). ]

I'm sorry to hear that.
If you missed it, that is.

[ And maybe even if he didn't. ]

But you're right. Things seem like they'll be pretty different for all of us from now on.
Maybe even better.

[ 'Better', here, is code for, 'real and not actually a super convoluted trap.' That's honestly about as much as she's asking for out of this place.

Naminé does not have high standards. ]

[Well, as sad as this next truth is, it's not nearly as depressing as the previous one, especially since he has the opportunity now.]

I did.

[Pretty different is a huge understatement, when it comes to his situation. He'd like to take advantage of that in some small way, even if it might not last.]

I hope so.

[His standards aren't that high, either.]

Then I'm glad.

[ -- Ah, wait. That didn't sound quite right, did it? Hurriedly, Naminé adds another line. ]

That you finally have the chance to do it again.

[ Whatever else might be going on, at least there's that. On the matter of hoping, there's something almost wistful about the pause before her, ]

Me too.

[ Since she's already put the poor fellow through the wringer with all her inquiries, she allows herself only one brief exhale prior to writing again. ]

Whatever happens, I wish you luck.

[ That's something close to a goodbye, isn't it? It's still a little strange for her, working out the ways to be polite in this journal-thing. (She refrains from apologizing for prying this time; might be better not to bring it up, even if she's belatedly sheepish about it.) ]

Thanks.

[He got what she meant, even without the clarification, and he's grateful for the thought either way. In response to her apparent parting remark, he adds his own goodbye of sorts:]

Let's talk again sometime.

[ Hard though it is to determine someone's tone through text alone, Naminé finds some comfort in the written gratitude regardless. And she hadn't known whether to suggest some certainty about speaking another time in the future, so she perks up to see that he's taken that step himself. ]

Sure. I'd like that.

[ Really, she would. It's still such a pleasant and unfamiliar sensation, managing to get along with someone new. ]

Until later, then.

[ That went better than expected. ]

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