Dream 01 || Don't ever let me think, I was never meant to speak

[fishflakes]

Sender: Toge Inumaki
To: Everyone
Subject: Passive Dream Recording (CW: Blood, Implied violence, implied body horror)

[The dream is quiet when it first begins to broadcast…. or, at least, it seems quiet. There is an ambient white noise that is prevalent all around, a dull droning that is both incessant and easy to ignore at once. But if one were to listen carefully, they’ll come to realize that it’s not a white noise at all, but rather, whispering; multiple hushed voices all talking as one, a multitude of different murmured conversations that meld into one incoherent buzz. There is very little light in the dream, the surroundings cast into shadows. In the center of the dream, however, is a small boy.]

[The dream seems to be from the perspective of this small boy. He is sitting with his knees up to his chest, his arms wrapped around them tightly. His shoulders shake as his frame trembles with soft, hitched breaths that could easily be missed amidst the whispered voices. A shadowy figure appears looking to be vaguely like an adult, but there are no defining features to this person other than their humanoid shape. They speak out, louder than the whispering voices.]

A child born with the clan’s seal… He will no doubt possess a great amount of Cursed Energy. The Inumaki Clan has been granted a gift.

[Other shadowy figures begin to appear, all apparently looking down at the small, huddled boy. One by one they speak, talking over the whispered voices.]

He bears the mark? He is just a boy…
Such a cursed child… he must be monitored carefully.
Perhaps the Inumaki Clan will finally gain recognition among the three great sorcerer families!
I feel for his mother, having to raise such a child…

[The shadows shift, fading somewhat to reveal an empty schoolyard. The scenery seems to be faded, as if viewed through a lens or veil. Shadowy figures surround the small boy, though their features are indistinct. They all seem to be laughing mockingly, and one of them speaks up.]

What’s wrong, Toge? Cat got your tongue? If you got a problem with how we play, then say so!

[The other figures laugh, full of jeers and ridicule. The small child who is at the center of the dream ducks his face further into his legs, tugs his knees closer to his chest. He whispers in a small voice.]

Please…

[The shadowy ‘children’ suddenly warp, their forms condensing and stretching oddly, violently. Their laughter quickly turns to screams of horror and cries of pain. Over the screams, another voice is heard.]

Toge, what did you do?! What happened to them?!

[The scenery shifts, this time displaying what looks like a traditional Japanese-style home. There are more shadowy adults, looming like oppressive monoliths. They murmur to one another, each voice speaking out over one other.]

Did you hear? That boy cursed someone again. That poor child’s family…
That power is dangerous! It should be sealed away!
This is to be the heir of the Inumaki Clan? He can barely control his own strength.
Haven’t you learned? You need to control this, or else you’ll just hurt everyone around you.

[The boy covers his ears with his hands, grips his hair.]

I-I didn’t mean to..!

[He pleas quietly, but his words are drowned out by the voices that keep coming.]

Don’t you know better?
Why did you curse them, Toge?
The Inumaki Clan depends on you to carry its name, Toge.
This is why it’s dangerous, Toge.
That boy is dangerous!
You’re dangerous, Toge. You need to—

[The small boy trembles, until finally, he shouts out over the other voices.]

BE QUIET!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!

[His voice rings with Cursed Energy, a sharp note amidst the cacophony of voices and shadows. At once, the voices go silent, and the shadows disintegrate under the force of his voice. Even the droning ambient whispers have fallen silent at the command. All is utterly, completely, perfectly silent.]

[Amidst the silence, the young boy gasps and grips his mouth, coughing into his hands several times. When he pulls his shaking hands away, they are covered in blood. He stares at them for a moment, before he wraps his arms around his middle, quietly sobbing into his legs.]

[When he speaks again, it’s barely above a whisper.]

I’m sorry… I’m sorry…

Comments

sender: lio

[piromare]

( a friend with nightmares that he can relate to in some way, that makes his blood run cold despite his body always being some level of extraordinarily warm. someone young with a kind of power that is fundamentally dangerous and requires such care. it means having to grow up quickly, have to deal with problems that are deeper than a surface level... that put the weight of lives on the shoulders of someone who shouldn't need to deal with it.

his heart feels heavy. )

Toge.

Do you think you're dangerous?

[fishflakes]

[Toge looks at the words for a long time, his thoughts racing. He knows that Lio knows about his technique, knows about the power it holds. A part of him wonders why Lio would even ask such a question. And a part of him wonders how honest he should be, if only to not pull Lio in further. But... Lio has become a friend for Toge, and Toge hates alienating the people who take the time to get to know him. So it's after a notable delay that Toge replies back.]

Cursed Speech is a dangerous technique even among jujutsu sorcerers. They're often targeted first due to the nature of their ability, and how it can affect their opponents.

[It's written in a way that feels more detached than Toge would normally describe something. Almost like it's not really a question of if, more like a statement of fact.]

[piromare]

( it's the kind of response he actually expects. something more analytical, no real emotion behind it. that it makes him physically ache to read it. he knows of the advantage that toge's voice could bring, but the detrimental effects... seeing that blood. )

I've seen and felt it. You've explained and demonstrated it before.

( but why would lio ask his first question? well. )

Are you your Cursed Speech, Toge? Is it the only thing that defines you?

[fishflakes]

[His Cursed Speech has been a part of him since he was born, and so it's always been a part of his life. It's what makes him so respected amongst other sorcerers, what makes him a formidable foe, what makes him a Semi-Grade 1 rank. Toge honestly couldn't even fully picture a life without his Cursed Speech; for him, it was as natural as his arms and legs.]

[But seeing that question from Lio actually gives him pause. He stares at the words, as few as they were, and for a moment doesn't reply. They just... take him by surprise, really.]

I don't think I've ever had anyone ask me that.

[piromare]

[ perhaps if lio didn't have those experiences in aefenglom... he wouldn't be speaking with such clarity. without the conviction of someone who had his everything stripped away and replaced with foreign, other things. ]

I think you'd be kind and good regardless. I don't know how strong all of your jujitsu sorcerers are, but despite everything you'd try your best to make your home better. Right?

[ it's the strongest that have the biggest burden when it comes to riding that line between lighting up the world or setting it ablaze and letting it turn to ashes. maybe he's being an idiot and believing in others too much, which he knows has put him in bad positions before, but... ]

[fishflakes]

[Lio's not far off the mark. Even with their powers and cursed lives, him and all of his classmates, as few of them as they are, do what they do to save people from curses. They each had their own motives, their own styles and driving forces, but at the end of the day, people were being saved. And Toge was no exception.]

Right. At least, I try to.

[Which does bring his frown back, even if Lio can't see it.]

It's just... they don't lie when they say with great power comes great responsibility.

[piromare]

( huh. he's never quite heard that phrase before, but it's true. he's happy to know it; there's a way it sort of rolls off the tongue. )

Whoever said that is pretty wise.

( lio smiles, feeling a little more at ease. )

But I think even with that great responsibility, you're going to make mistakes along the way. It doesn't matter how powerful someone is. You're only one person, and you can only be yourself.

( he thinks about how galo might encourage someone. how one of his only friends in the world might do it. )

So... I just want you to know. I believe in you. I'm sure your clan is proud of what you can do here and what you'll do in the future. But don't let their expectations bury you.

[fishflakes]

[Would it be bad if he admitted that line was from a comic book? Probably, but it's still a wise phrase nonetheless. But seeing Lio's words does make him smile, however forlorn it is. Oh, he definitely knows about mistakes.]

Thanks, Lio. It means a lot, hearing that. I don't always know what my family thinks of me, other than they have high expectations of me. I just don't want to repeat the mistakes I made as a kid.

[There's a pause, hesitance on Toge's side, before he adds one more line.]

I don't want to be the one who hurts people.

[piromare]

Same. I've spent my entire life making sure those who don't deserve to be in harm's way can get away safely. Saving those who are being prejudiced against. But even then?

( he sighs. at least that won't get put in the book. )

It's difficult. Trying your best even in the worst of situations doesn't always mean being successful.

( ... )

But at least you can say you did what you could. That's what matters.

Sorrt about the delay! Things got a little busy on my end.

[fishflakes]

[There's an earnest manner in the way Lio writes, and it actually does stick with Toge. It makes him smile softly, even if he's feeling low and Lio can't see it. A solidarity that comes between those who carry burdens too great for normal people to bear.]

It's not easy. I used to mess up a lot when I was a kid, thinking if I was just careful I could get away with it. It didn't always work.

[He still feels bad for those who he used to accidentally curse without intending to. The people he hurt with his own words, until he learned how to function without hurting himself or others.]

It still gets to me, sometimes. Thinking I might hurt others, even though I know I can control myself now.

Does it still get to you, sometimes? That burden?

<3

[piromare]

It does.

( he's lost sleep over it. not just here and home, but in the previous world he lived in too. when he could sleep, anyway. )

For me, it's always been about minimizing casualties. It's impossible to not lose someone. Day after day. Trying to build a place that will accept me and my people and keep them safe. I think about it all the time.

But I also think about the peace there'll be... and it helps. A little.

It's enough to keep me going.

[fishflakes]

I think I know a thing or two about minimizing casualties.

[A place to belong and people to keep safe… that wasn’t so different from what him and his friends did back home, was it? And he knows how hard him and his friends work.]

You’re a really strong person, Lio. To keep going like that… you’ve got a lot of strength.

[piromare]

I'm afraid I might burn out before I see the fruits of my labor.

[ a sad way to look at it, but a realistic one. ]

I don't have a choice but to be strong. I can't imagine seeing myself being anyone or anything else...

But it's nice to be around a friend who kind of gets it.

[fishflakes]

Isn't that the truth, though.

[Toge can relate, in a sense. Jujutsu sorcerers aren't exactly known for living to an old age unless they're very skilled or very shrewd, or both.]

Yeah. It's hard, but it's what you know, right? I get that at least.

You're a good guy, Lio. I don't have a lot of friends, but I'm glad you're one of them.

[piromare]

I'd be the first to admit that I didn't start out this way.

[ his self-destructive tendencies were reigned in. one might say they were snuffed out. ]

I'm glad you're my friend too.

[fishflakes]

I don't think any of us start out the way we are.

It's just what we learn to cope, you know?

[He wonders just what sort of things Lio went through... but he isn't sure if now's the best time to ask about it. Especially so late at night... which, oof, he just realized how late it is.]

Sorry I woke you up with that dream, by the way.
I didn't exactly plan on advertising it.

[piromare]

No, I'm glad you did.
Even if you didn't mean to.

It means you're still here.
So that's a relief, in a way.

[fishflakes]

Still here?

[He pauses as he finishes writing that statement. Ah, right... this was a dream, wasn't it? So what would happen if they woke up? Toge... honestly hadn't thought about that. He lets out a small huff, before writing another few words.]

I'm still not sure how it all works, but if I had to leave for any reason, I'll try to tell you first, okay?

[piromare]

[ lio understands that... there is always a chance that toge won't be able to reach out. that he will pop out of existence somehow and that it will leave a hole in his heart. he's no stranger to these possibilities, yet--- ]

Okay.
But so you know...
I know that wherever you go next, you'll make the world a better place.

[fishflakes]

[Lio... those words touch Toge's heart a lot more than he realizes. The chill that had been permeating his room fades away as he reads those words.]

Thank you Lio.
I know I can do it with friends like you at my side.
And I know you will, too.