dreamcrystals | 002 - Dream Recording

Entry tags:

002 - Dream Recording

Sender: Kazuma Asogi
To: Everyone
Subject: Passive Dream recording

CW: Blood, Death, Naga?

Before there is any sort of scenery, there is warmth. A comforting breeze blowing, the sound of birds chirping, a flowing stream. A child's laughter echoes in the darkness. And then it turns to white. Like eyes adjusting to the sudden brightness, a scene starts to take shape.

Colors come alive, and there was the smell of fresh linen. Clothes being hung block your view for a moment as the world expands behind them. A grassy area with a rock garden and a Japanese-style wooden home, a yard of sorts. Cherry blossom petals were floating through the breeze from the nearby blooming trees, and down by the stream was the source of the laughter. A small boy with an older gentleman, probably his father.

"I got something!" The boy pulls on his rod with such enthusiasm, at the end of the line, a small guppy. "Aw, it's so small." The parent gives him a few headpats, a warm smile on his face.

"We all have to start somewhere." The boy looks up to him.

"Well when can I start practicing with a sword? It's been a year now!" As if the father expected this inevitable question, he laughs.

"Much older I'm afraid, but...I suppose your mother wouldn't be against practicing with a wooden sword." The boy's face suddenly lights up with anticipation.

"Really?! Ah that is--I would be honor if you could teach me the way of the Asogi clan." His excitement quickly replace with a stiff bow, failing to hide his giddiness. The father continues to have a warm gentle smile, as the edges of the dream shifts like static. As they move from the stream, they just miss a white snake slithering through the grass.

Like changing the channel on a television, the scene changes and you are brought inside the home of this boy and father. Both stood on opposite ends of the room, a change into training clothes and wooden swords in hand. The boy was intensely focused, breathing heavily to indicate they had been at this for a while.

"One more, just one more try." He had been attempting and failing at a technique apparently. And he stubbornly does not know when to call it quits and to try again later. His father, a sympathetic yet stern look.

"There is a lesson in knowing when to stop."

"I'll stop after this one. Promise." And he will keep his promise. His father simply sighs as he raises his sword. Not mad, just amused.

"One more it is then."

And so they spar, a bit one-sided, but it was a child training with a grown man. He just, needed an opening. One good hit through all these parries and he will have succeeded. "There!" Just as the boy thrust his wooden sword forward, he slips and lets out a yelp as he tumbles into his father instead. Father goes along with it as he "falls" onto the ground.

"Ahh, you found my weak point" He feign defeat, his free arm hugging his son. The boy groans. "I did not..." Thanks for trying to make him feel better, dad. His father just chuckles as he pats him on the head.

"You pushed yourself more than you could take. You'll get it next time after some rest." The boy knows this to be true, though he wish the session hadn't ended in such embarrassing way. Just as he was about to say something to his father, he felt something wet in his hand. Looking down, he's freezes with shock to find what appears to be blood on his hand, blood on his father's clothes. No, he couldn't have.

"Father-?" A look of horror on the boys face as the colors on his father's face fade. The scenery around them become harder to stay in focus, crumbling into a darkness until it was only them. His father's warm expression turns cold and lifeless.

"Why?"

Suddenly the dream felt like was speeding up. The boy tries to wiggle himself free, only to realize he couldn't feel his legs. He had no legs, just a long serpentine tail. Scales and fangs suddenly appear, giving the boy a more serpent appearance as he looks back to his father in a panic, confused, seeking help, answers.

But he was no longer on his father. He was suddenly left alone on the floor, his father floating away in the distance, leaving a trail of blood. His features became less life-like, more blood dripping as if he had been torn in various places on his body.

"No! Father, I didn't-!" The boy felt a heavy weight that kept him from going after his father, no matter how much he tries to reach for him with his bloody hand.

"I taught you better. No son of mine would ever take a life."

"I'm sorry!" Desperation in the boys voice, not wanting to lose his father. "I just wanted-I didn't mean for it to happen!" Please come back to me.

In that moment, you'll feel a coldness and being weigh down, sinking. The dream will then abruptly end.

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[He just lets the hug happen. The nightmare still raw in his mind. His father's dead stare, full of disappointment. He's immensely grateful to have someone here to make him feel safe and wanted right now. His breathing starts to steady, arms reaching to cling onto Susato once more.]

[ Is this for his benefit, or her own...? Either way, her hand shakes slightly as it grips at cloth; squeezing, clinging back. It feels like some of his natural warmth has returned, and that has to be a good sign.

She doesn't pull back any. Just speaks into the crook of his neck, hoping he understands. ]

...Please say something. [ For her... ]

[He would have been content keeping to the silence had Susato not said something to be honest. But he probably shouldn't keep her waiting like this.]

...I could use some tea. [Well, it was something. And he does feel parch.]

Oh. [ She loosens her hold on him, though she is still clinging. There's a pang of guilt. Perhaps she should have let him speak at his own pace... Plus, now she has to get up and out of bed. She really didn't think this through.

...

......Give her a minute. ]

I can brew your favorite.

Edited 2022-10-04 03:52 (UTC)

Whatever's easiest for you. [He's aware he's making her get up, so he's not going to make her do more than necessary. He finds her hand, massaging it gently.]

I'll be fine. [He's awake, and he can wait for her return.]

[ Susato frowns, feeling the vibrations in his throat and his chest when he speaks. She is clearly dissatisfied with that answer, though after a moment of being comforted by his massage, she does turn that hand over to hold his. ]

It will take a while. I don't want to leave you.

[ Not after that. ]

Won't you come with me?

...Of course. [He will not argue there. Maybe the walk will help. He moves himself to the edge of the bed, waiting for Susato to join him.]

[ 'I won't leave you.' The voice in her head more closely matches the conviction she feels, though she still moves sluggishly until Kazuma moves himself to the edge of the bed. She follows, swinging her legs over with renewed motivation, even as they protest leaving the comfort and warmth.

She still doesn't quite have the words, so her hand finds his shoulder instead. There's a gentle squeeze of support before she pushes herself off, turning to face him once she is standing. Watching him, ever patient. ]

[There was a distant look on Kazuma's face, as if his mind was not quite in the present and lost in thought. But his body will go through the motion of getting up and joining Susato. His hand somehow finds Susato's and holds onto it. He's here, but also not.]

[ It's a quiet walk to the kitchen. Every once and a while, when she feels him getting too far away, she squeezes his hand as a way of pulling him back. She doesn't say anything, though, wanting to respect the space he needs to sort out his thoughts, but she also refuses to let them consume him.

...Eventually: ]

Did I ever tell you that I got to meet him?

Hm? [Meet who? He blinks, actually paying attention to her now.] ...My father?

[ Susato gives him a quiet nod. Despite being the one to open this door, there’s still a pause as she considers how to proceed, but she speaks up again by the time the kitchen comes into view. ]

It was only while dreamwalking, but he was…brave, and kind. Exactly how father always spoke of him.

He wouldn’t say such things to his only son.

. . . [Were he in a better headspace, he would question how Susato managed to dreamwalk his father. Right now...he doesn't know what to think. His emotions get to him first instead as he just stops, stares at the floor and the tears start falling. Was he happy or upset to hear that? He's not sure. Maybe everything was finally getting him.]

[ Susato doesn't expect much in response. It doesn't take her long to notice he's stopped, and when she turns to see why, she feels her heart stop. Internally, she panics. She blinks to focus her vision, his teardrops falling onto the floor, but her own tears have started seeping from both her eyes.

She breathes in deep. She has to be strong, has to keep it together. They can't both be crying. She squeezes his hand, gently at first, but then her hand shakes as she tries to tighten her grip. She leans in close.

Tea can wait. Everything can wait, nothing else matters. ]

I'm here. [ She thinks back on that night, on everything he'd told her. ] It's alright. You don't have to hold it in anymore.

This burden you carry... It's mine, too. You're not alone.

[He wish his father were here to say this, or perhaps dread the very thought of him suddenly appearing and having to just, go through everything. Thought he been doing pretty well not thinking he was a failure, but something just drags him back into that pit and it's harder to ignore when his father is involved.

Breathe. He just needs to breathe. He really misses his father. He feels Susato presence, who he just wants to apologize for causing a scene and go somewhere else so she didn't have to see him like this. Susato should not have to carry such a heavy burden. But damn is he also just so tired, of having to deal with everything himself. He turns so he could rest his head on her shoulder, arms slowly moving around her in an awkward sort of hug. He just, needs a moment.]

[ As Kazuma's head comes down on her shoulder, she opens her arms to return the embrace. She closes her eyes, breathing in shakily like she can't believe this is happening. Her fault, a voice inside her says. Had she pressed him harder, sooner, he would not be falling apart like this. From the moment she found out what he had done, to that incident in the bathroom...

So many opportunities.

It's hard not to collapse under his weight. She gently rubs at his back for what feels like a long while before she naturally pulls back to meet his eyes. ]

[ For once, she is able to wipe his tears. She gives her best encouraging smile, even through her own tears, as her hands move onto his shoulders. ]

I will always be with you. [ "Right here." She doesn't say it outright, but her fingers trail the length of his chest, stopping roughly where his heart is before tapping gently. He will never be alone again. ]

Sit with me. Just breathe.

[It's not like he openly talks about it unless forced. And though he may not be saying anything, he's immensely grateful to have Susato here right now. And he will gladly do as ask and sit with her. A bit of a struggle to move and get into a chair, but he makes its there, taking deep breaths, slowly calming down.]

Thank you. [He manages to utter words again.]

[ Tempting to just allow them both to collapse there against the wall. He deserves that moment to catch his breath, but she thinks him better than that. Susato doesn't allow him to fall and instead guides him (with considerable effort) that final stretch into the kitchen, where a small table and chairs await them.

She lingers once Kazuma is seated, leaning like she's reading over his shoulder as she watches over him. She presses her lips against his cheek before pulling back, speaking softly into his ear. ]

I've promised you tea, haven't I...? [ Can't get too comfortable yet. She can at least put the kettle on, though she moves slowly to start, seeing how he will react. ]

[He hums to acknowledge he heard her. He leans back in his seat, eyes still closed as he leans his head back to face the ceiling. He could feel Susato's presence slowly leaving him. A moment to squeeze her hand before he gradually lets her go.]

Go ahead. I'll be all right for a moment.

[ Susato lets out an audible breath as she feels his hand leave her, allowing the task to distract her from worrying entirely too much. Even while she is setting the kettle to the stove, it's like she can't take her eyes off him. She steals a glance, even as she opens a cabinet to retrieve a couple of teacups.

If only all their problems were solved by something as simple as tea. ]

It's... your father.

[ The words escape her almost effortlessly, filled with the need to break the silence. There is disbelief in her tone, as if she still can't believe what happened to him. ]

That night, you told me... that no one would fault me for needing more time. I think they would fault you even less so.

[He really do need to get it together eventually so Susato isn't stressing so much with him. But truthfully, he's already content with the silence and calm. The nightmare now just a mere whisper in the back of his mind.]

Hm? [His head turns slightly at the sound of Susato's voice. More time....he's been combating these demons for so long already. He's starting to wonder if there will ever be a time these intruding thoughts will stop haunting him.]

...I want to believe. But it feels like every few steps forward, I'm forced to fall back. [His hand raises where Susato had put her lips on his cheek.] I know none of it is true, but...it's a fear that sits deep inside my heart.

[ Susato wants to say she understands, but those words would feel hollow and empty. Instead, she listens to him, gently moving the kettle before it can sound, when she can hear the water start to bubble. Nearby, there is a container labeled "oolong matcha" which she pulled out alongside the teacups. ]

I wish that I could prove it to you. That I could show you evidence to dispel that fear once and for all. That this world would allow you to speak with him... with all its magic, and dreams. But I...

[ She can't. She can't give him any of that. She can't give Genshin Asogi back to him, and she certainly can't keep Kazuma's intrusive thoughts at bay. She told her father that she wanted to be good for him though, and that she wanted to help him through all this. She'll hold onto that promise for all that it was worth, and continue giving him a reason to be proud. ]

All I can do is my very best to urge you forward when you fall back, and... try not to fall behind myself.

. . .It wouldn't really be him. Just a creation from one's mind. [He's not interested in entertaining the thought of the dead appearing here. He knows it's possible, but he will not vocally acknowledge it.]

You're doing just fine. I assure you, just having you here is doing more for me already. So please...don't think so harshly about yourself. [Says the guy who still beats himself over what happened years ago.]

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