The Old College Try

[mansbestend]

Sender: Denji
To: Everyone
Subject: i write in the book and people read this???


OK so

I had a genius idea and wanna test sumthin

someone come swing at me. one guy and one girl. kick my ass if you want.

then we go eat or whatever after. i dunno.

Comments

[helluvaboss]

oh well thats not the case in hell and sure as shit ain't the case here so

daddy'll teach you how to shoot a rifle and itll be fucking fun

[mansbestend]

[Right. Different world, different rules. So there'd be no devils here, at least to a degree. It's all nightmares.]

sure, OK
but i'm not a kid so quit with the daddy shit!

[helluvaboss]

dont worry I know youll make papa proud

Gotta teach you good trigger discipline and how to not break your teeth on a grenade pin so we can have fun blowing shit up

[mansbestend]

people break their teeth on that stuff?? it's just a little pin isnt it?

[helluvaboss]

Dumbasses think they can be action heroes and pull that pin out with their teeth but NAH those fuckers you gotta YANK out

They're made that way so you don't accidentally pull it out and blow yourself up

I mean thats a fucking hilarious way for a mortal to die and we have a few of those floating around hell but I like ya kid so im not gonna let you maim urself

[mansbestend]

holy crap, that makes sense

uh thanks for not maiming me? rifles look kinda cool tho

[helluvaboss]

Theyre fucking COOL TOO like theyre so slick and fuck off loud and if you get good at your aim the payoff fucking RULES

Pistols are also fun but rifles are better for teachin gun newbies not to blow a hole in their own thigh like a dumbass

You'll be a fuckin pro by the time im done with ya

[mansbestend]

it'd be cool to be able to take out some fuckers from a distance instead of gettin in their face. they won't see it comin!

[helluvaboss]

ATTA BOY

youll get to blow their fucking stupid brains out before they even know their in fuckin trouble it's the FUNNIEST THING

[mansbestend]

it'll get helpful against the zombie devil whenever he gets back. guns versus zombie hordes is like a classic!

[helluvaboss]

FUCKIN LOL hell yeah it is!! that and molotov cocktails those are a fucking riot too

[mansbestend]

maybe molotov lessons after rifles, yea?

oh nice. i've got some freaks lined up for a fight. i hope one of them's cute

[helluvaboss]

got some weirdos taking u up on the request u posted? lol

dunno if ur gonna get a worthwhile date if u get a girl thats just excited to beat u up.

[mansbestend]

i think every girl i've known has tried to kill me?

even a girl i think i was dating

she was fun

[...God, he misses her.]

[helluvaboss]

fuck, kid

you know you can date a girl without her trying to murderfuck you right

my ex is a bitch but she never tried to off me she just fuckin dumped my ass and got me arrested

I think im gonna vet the girls you talk to this is too much and I'm from fucking HELL

[mansbestend]

ehh it's a long story but it's not like that

the girls here seem ok tho. Loona and Octavia haven't killed me yet and they're both cute as hell

[helluvaboss]

NO

YOU DONT GET TO DATE MY LOONEY

SHE'S PERFECT AND BEAUTIFUL AND SENSITIVE AND TOO GOOD FOR YOU YOU DON'T GET TO TAKE MY BABY FROM ME

[mansbestend]

haha, protective dad. i knew you were cool but lookin after ur kid is next level good stuff.

im bein honest tho. she's seriously cute. but stuff like 'too good for you' is part of why i do what i do, rite? i kick devil ass, i work hard, and one day a girl wants to date me or whatever.

1/2

[helluvaboss]

[whAT HOW DARE

You called him cool!! Said he was a good dad! Don't distract him! "This little shit!" he cusses at his journal, but despite his tail thumping angrily on the couch, he thought before scribbling a reply.]

[helluvaboss]

Looney deserves the best and she doesnt need some fuckboy thats gonna hurt her and I won't let some dumb BOY hurt her feelings

She IS cute as hell she's my pride and joy and I love her and Via barely knows me but Stolas is gonna give you the same shit when it comes to her too.

[mansbestend]

yup, that's fair. still gettin used to not bein hunted by bad guys every day, this place isnt bad.

what's a fuckboy?

[helluvaboss]

Fuckboy is a guy that doesnt give a shit about you or your feelings they just pretend they do when really they only care about getting to fuck

[mansbestend]

ohhh ok

yeah, i didnt know there was a word for that. sex and stuff's only good when you know the person really well and feel really close to em, anyway.

[helluvaboss]

Do u actually know that or did u have someone with a level head on their shoulders tell u that

[mansbestend]

I had an old friend lemme cop a feel for savin their cat and it wasn't as awesome as I thought it would be. Didn't know why.

So someone really smart told me that was because I wasn't interested in em in that way. If I really understood em on a really deep level, it'd be fuckin amazing.

I want that someday. I want somebody to get to understand me too, so it's good for em back. Problem is, I'm still catchin up on learnin about myself now that I don't have debt to pay back to the Yakuza.