dreamcrystals | ໒꒱ 002 journal text

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໒꒱ 002 journal text

Sender: Anonymous
To: Everyone
Subject: "Before" vs "now"

What do you do if you don't know where "home" is? If no one wants you, and you're stuck here anyway...

I've been thinking about the people I've left behind and keep wondering if I even want to go back. If they'd even really want me back.

I've never really belonged anywhere, and this place isn't all that different, but... at least there's someone who seems to care. But I thought that before, too.

I don't know what to think. I don't know why I'm even writing this.

Threaded | Flat

[Oh, boy. This is the kind of existential stuff she's all about.]

I think... that home is what you make of it. It's not something someone else can decide for you, but what you choose for yourself. Wherever makes you feel happiest.

Do you think this place could become 'home' to you?

[ Although Malon has never felt this way, this sounds like something some of her friends might think, transient as they are. ]

I'd be willing to bet that you've got at least one person back in your world who really misses you and wants you to come back.

I know what it's like to be stuck in some shithole with no escape. A lot of people say that you never truly appreciate what you have until they're gone. The least you could do is accept your fate. It's what I did.

Don't do what I did. Take a couple of deep breaths and reexamine everything here. Think about whether they're good or bad. And how much you would care should you lose this place.

You'd have to be a pretty terrible person if no one wanted you around at all, I think.

I would consider 'home' to be somewhere I'd be the happiest returning to or spending time in.

[ Ah. Well, those sound like familiar problems, don't they...? Sympathy's enough to encourage her to speak up this time around. ]

For some of us, "home" isn't as simple to define as it is for others.
But I think if you give yourself enough time, you'll know for sure one day.
There's no rule that says it has to be the world that you came here from.

[ It sure isn't that cut and dried for her at this point. ]

Knowing what other people think of you isn't always easy either.
Sometimes they're kinder and more forgiving than you think they should be.
What makes you so certain that they don't want you around?

Edited 2024-03-10 20:16 (UTC)

You're writing this because you're likely seeking affirmation of what choice to make, of whether you ought to stay here or return if given the choice.

Most of us here will be unable to give you the answer you seek. Each person's definition of home will differ, as will their logic on whether or not to return, and your thoughts will be further muddled.

Which is why I'll pose a question to you instead: what is your definition of 'home' and 'belonging'?

You've received a lot of good counsel already.

If I may add my own, it would be that it is possible to have more than one home. The heart has infinite room for both people and places. I know not your circumstance, but I do know this to be true.

I also know it is true that to help feel like one belongs, they must carve a spot in their new home. A place just for them, surrounded by those who they keep in their company. Those who care. It seems as though you have a good start.

I think that home can be where someone important is.

If you've made an important friend here, then... maybe this can be your home.

Maybe you're not meant to belong anywhere. That isn't innately a bad thing.
Maybe your destiny has more in store for you than home and friendship.

Why does having a "home" matter? Exist for yourself, everything else is irrelevant.

If you have at least one person who cares here, that's better than an unhappy place to be, right?

You don't have to go back to somewhere you don't want to if you don't want to, either. Where would you be happiest?

[She has... some unfortunate knowledge of being in a place where she was unwanted.]

Threaded | Flat

Sender: Aerith Gainsborough

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